Thoughts Are Visually Vivid

[Nighthawk]

I would say I have severe suicidal ideation. The thoughts are so visually vivid. I can give examples but they are not nice. I have the visions at least 2-3 times a day and the thought of my end more than 1-2 times an hour. This is really getting to me. I have spoken to my T about it. I think it must concern them. The only suggestion I have had is to consider a more intensive therapy program.

My concern is it is becoming harder and harder to stop the thought process. It's become a struggle that at times I need to go to sleep just to stop my brain from thinking.

In need of stopping the visions.

 

[nimkekaa]

Right now, I struggle with intusive thoughts. Not exactly the same thing but it does make it hard to function so I can relate to some of what you are talking about.

I'm sure any suggestions I might have you have tried but here are a few.

Reading and watching tv give me a break from my thoughts. I also find that writing my thoughts (no matter how distrubing) down on paper in extreme detail (or typing online) helps because when they are in my head I find the thoughts go round and round but when I write them down (or talk about them) then I seem to process them better and I can move on to other things. (I hope that makes sense)

Do you have a list of things you can do that are calming/pleasurable for when the thoughts are going wild in your head? I find that when my thoughts have a life of there own then my normal abilty to think of even simple solutions goes out the window. So this is when I would pull out my list and do some of the things on my list to calm myself and my thoughts.

I know that meditation and yoga is suppose to be helpful but I believe that you need to master those things when your in a good spot as trying to do either when my thoughts are on hyper drive is impossible for me. I find that I have to replace my thoughts with other thoughts when things are really bad.

That said, I have also used educating/teaching myself something new when my thoughts are driving me crazy. Then I am concentrating on the new skill or what I am learning and it can replace my dizzying thoughts and new knowledge is always a good thing.

I'm really glad that you started this thread Nighthalk. For the last few weeks I have been totally in my head about all the probelms I have going on. All I have been doing to cope is reading and watching tv (which adds to weight gain which is another problem going around in my head) so I think I might try and teach myself how to play guitar which I have been wanting to do for a long time.

I hope you get some relief soon from your thoughts. It's horrible when our thoughts torment us so much.

Big Hugs for you if you need them.

 

[safenow]

I used to have suicidal thoughts a lot. Here are some things I did to interrupt that process.

1) Make sure all sharps are out of sight

2) Do not keep a supply of meds that can be lethal.

3) Talk to others about how you are feeling (like you are doing)

4) Write down on a sheet of paper the worse case scenario for each issue you have. For example: I'm afraid of losing my job. My marriage is falling apart. My lover is cheating on me. I have pain and I don't know what is causing it. I can't afford to pay my debts. Now, give that to your therapist and tell them you need some positive ways to solve these issues. Let them share in your suffering. That's what you pay them for.

5) Write down what you think will make you happy. (Be realistic. Don't say a million bucks, unless you have a relative you don't like that's a multimillionaire who likes you a lot and is old and feeble and ready to die.)

6) Go outside. Take a walk and breathe in the air (hopefully fresh air). Look at the flowers and colors of nature around you as you walk.

7) If you find you can't force yourself to go outside, turn off the TV. Find some funny video and put it on. Get yourself to laugh. if you don't have a funny video, get one. If you don't have money to buy one, go to the local library and check one out. If you can't get to the library, ask a friend or relative to get one for you.

8) Do not allow yourself to go to bed thinking about your problems. Try to think of at least one thing you are grateful for. For example: Toilet paper. Indoor plumbing. A lock on your door that you have the key to. A computer. This site.

9) Put a sign on your bathroom mirror: I am a good person.

10) Copy and print this out and put it on your refrigerator if you live alone. If you don't live alone, print this out and put it in your journal. Then be sure to read your journal.

I remember one time a couple of years ago I was told to call the crisis line. I did, because I was serious about harming myself. They told me to go work a jig saw puzzle. I got pissed off and slammed the phone down. I need someone to talk to me, not shove me away by saying such stuff. Now if they had come over and worked it with me, that would have helped. So I'm not going to tell you to go work a puzzle. We are here for you. Keep typing. Keep talking. Keep living and working through your problems. They are only here for a short period of time (if you look in the eternal picture of things).

Keep on keeping on.
safenow

 

[Nighthawk]

I think and see these thoughts. I have no intention on acting on them. Its just the amount of work it takes to try and eliminate them is excessive all on its own.

 

[safenow]

(((( Nighthawlk ))), if you allow hugs.

 

[The Albatross]

Mine stopped in therapy, and haven't been back (this time). I hope you get some relief soon, I know what it's like.

 

[catjudo]

I'm sorry you're struggling with this right now. I can very much relate.

I think (and my therapist and psychiatrist have agreed) that if sometimes the only way to get relief and shut down the thoughts is to sleep then that's okay. Try not to look at it as a bad thing. It is a coping mechanism. It may not be the best coping mechanism but there are definitely worse options. Sometimes we just have to do what we have to do to get through.

Something else that I've tried recently when my mind was being flooded with thoughts (suicidal or just old trauma memories) was to try flooding it with something different. It's not always enough for me to watch TV or to listen to music or hang out online or try to read a book. Trying to do any one of these things, it wouldn't take long before my mind wandered back to the thoughts I was trying to avoid and then it would be flooded with thoughts and it would be difficult to shut them back down. So I try to change what my mind is flooded with...I choose several distracting activities and have them going simultaneously. So I might try to work some sort of puzzle book or play games on my phone at the same time as playing music and having the TV on but muted. I found that when my mind wanders to the unwanted thoughts, I stay in that place for shorter periods of time because one of those other activities will re-distract me and pull my attention and focus into that.

I don't know if that's helpful for you. It's just been one of my recent strategies. I hope you're able to find relief soon.

Catjudo

 

[p-no]

I'm sorry about this. Unfortunately I don't quite understand what they are exactly.

I just know that for other things flooding my brain and not getting out so I can have some peace something like doing a puzzle would actually help. I mean a real puzzle on a table. But when the thoughts (whichever ones) were so prevalent that I could not get rid of them (or even get them to calm down) with the normal methods I use(d) (like watching tv and surfing and having a book beside me just in case, all at the same time), I would need to set my brain to give me an alarm when I would notice that I was thinking those thoughts again. I can set my brain so that an alarm goes off when I notice something. Difficult to explain. When something is physically itchy I will focus my brain on telling me when I am scratching it. Once that alarm goes off, I will focus on not scratching again but will e.g. do the dishes because my hands are busy and can not go back to scratching. By the time I'm done with the dishes, the itchy spot may have calmed down. I do the same with thoughts that just keep going round and round and round and exhaust me in no time.

Once that alarm goes off for those thoughts, I will focus consciously on e.g. the puzzle. In the most difficult cases, I will talk to myself out loud saying things like: Okay, it's a 2000-piece puzzle. Sort out the corner pieces first. You found the upper left one, now look for the other three... I talk myself through what I am doing at the same time. This way I can "exaggerate my way" into that other focus, the puzzle, and away from the thoughts. I may have to refocus several times before it works, but usually it will.

It could maybe also help to talk out loud about what you see: There's a black tv in the corner of my living-room. The channel that's on is called VOX. The tv is on top of a sideboard. The sideboard is made from metal, read in color. A type of tomato-red. It has two locks that are silver. ... It does help me to go into great detail because that is pure focusing. Eventually, I will have gotten over those thoughts for the time being (and for some hours) and if they come back that alarm is still set and will go off earlier and it is much easier to get out of those thoughts.

This may not help you at all, but it's maybe worth a try. If you do try, make sure to not give up after fallbacks. Reset the alarm, refocus and go. Be your own boot-camp.

Can someone come over to talk a bit about whatever? Would you like that?