Threats Of Physical Violence To A Child

[Hope4Now]

This feels like a dumb question, but I'll ask it anyway. Can ongoing threats of physical violence (verbal and gestural) be traumatizing to a child? Even if the person says they were "just kidding" later and also never hit the child? I have some "memories" that relate to physical violence, but I am almost 100% certain I was never hit. I actually remember challenging him to hit me once when I was a young teenager. I stood up to him and said, "Go ahead and hit me. I know you want to. But you won't." That really got me in deep sht. I know various threats of harm happened pretty much daily. Do you suppose a child can morph a threat into something that seems like a memory but isn't?

For example, my father used to hold his fist very close to my face and say he'd shove it down my throat. I know he never did. And yet the memories are pretty visceral and intrusive...

 

[MT Johnny]

Oh absolutely - that was pretty much my father's m.o. too - and it absolutely is very traumatizing.

He used to threaten us with knives and guns too - he cut my mother once just a little "as a warning" - nothing that needed more medical attention than a gauze pad and bandaid - but it still scared the devil out of us.

 

[Kintsugi]

For sure it can. I imagine from a parent to a child it would be even worse. Over time? Fuggetaboutit. Yeah, sounds traumatic.

My abusive boyfriend constantly threatened to anally rape me while he had me at a physical disadvantage. It was his ultimate threat. To my knowledge, I have never been rectally violated. However, I react to triggers surrounding this threat the same way i react to triggers surrounding abuse that actually happened. In some cases, my reaction is even worse. It completely terrified me at the time, and it haunts and terrifies me today.

 

[Ronin]

My father pretty much taught me to plan for it. Most he didn't follow up with, because he was pretty much a coward and scared out of his wits by some types of violence he loved to use for threats, a lot he did. Didn't change jack for me in effect it had; I learned a threat is always serious in some way and 'just kidding' isn't a thing but boy, did it mess my later interactions.

 

[Melody coates]

my mother used to threaten to hit me and my siblings with tree branches with thorns on them, tree trimmers, and poison us. did she ever really carry out these threats? no but it sure scared the hell outta us

 

[scout86]

I think "just kidding" is pretty much lost on anyone who's scared. And who KIDS about stuff like that??????

 

[Friday]

There's a huge difference between rough & tumble play... Verbal/physical... And violent threats/ intimidation. One's fun. One's abuse.

Just because something looks roughly the same, doesn't mean they are the same. Sex & Rape. Driving your car & Driving someone else's car (Grand Theft Auto). Screaming for help & batting someone while giggling vs screaming for help & batting someone away while being assaulted.

 

[shandemonium]

while my mother was the one who actually beat the crap out of me, we moved in with my biological father when I was 13 and his temper was also explosive. I feared him more though...

He never hit me, but would fly of into fits of rage and throw things around, break things, and threaten me too. It's weird because I was more afraid of him than the woman who actually inflicted large amounts of violence on me since I was little.

Honestly reading your post was very validating for me and I hope I can validate you too. Despite my mother kicking me in the stomach, punching, breaking all kinds of things on my body, forcing me to eat my own vomit.... I could go on... but I feared my father so much more.

Maybe because he was a man? Maybe because I never got a taste but knew my moms punches and kicks? I can't really explain it...
All I can say is you are valid for feeling this way!

 

[LilBit]

Yes. The answer is yes.

 

[shimmerz]

For me it was the eyes ... that crazy freaking look in the eyes. Scared the crap out of me. Seriously.

 

[Deleted member 28942]

YES!!! Even words like "I will leave you alone if you don't stop crying" or "I will leave you if you don't listen to me" from a parent to a child are very harmful and traumatic. Regardless of the tone of voice or intention.

 

[City Slicker]

This just breaks my heart reading what people have done to children. Sadly I know all too well this happens, it happened to me too. It just makes me so sad and angry. I am sending good vibes to you all - you are the most courageous people imaginable.