Throat Filled With Cotton Balls

[tryingtothrive]

As much as I try to manage my anxiety lately (meditation, exercise, cognitive exercises and medication) my throat is forever filled with cotton balls. I can't quite get out what needs to get out and I feel like I'm struggling for air. When I go the cognitive route and try to pinpoint what is creating my current, crushing anxiety I become overwhelmed with flashbacks, anger, disappointment, sadness... So I just try to breathe. It doesn't always work, but it's the best I can do right now.

I feel really pissed that I feel these feelings because of other people's actions/inactions. Trying to explain myself (when I have a wonderful, blessed life presently) and feeling like a fraud or ungrateful. Having people say "just leave it in the past, it's over" or "move forward and don't look back." only angers me. It makes me feel so alone, midunderstood and angry. (Anxiety revs up, cotton balls from the pit of my stomach to my uvula) I feel like my at any moment my throat will become closed off and I'm done. It's so tiring walking the panic tightrope all of the time, but it feels impossible to let my guard down. So I go around struggling for air with a throat filled with cotton balls.

Will it ever end, I want to take a deep clear breathe.

 

[bell]

I don't know about cotton balls, but sometimes I get so anxiety ridden I can't get certain words out. Recently, there's been this weirdness about saying my own darn name, which makes me feel pathetic, but I digress.

I think it's a great that you're taking all these steps to figure out what the problem is! Go you! You have a freaking list of things that you tried! (Not trying to sound pedantic, I just get genuinely excited when people try all sorts of angles to fix themselves!) And I feel like a fraud all the time, but then I tell myself that of course I do, because after 35+ years of living with PTSD running me ragged, I'm just now starting to be "okay!" So, now I try and tell myself when I start thinking that I'm a fraud, I'm actually growing... because usually it means that I am in some sense.

When this happens have you tried to talk to either a pet or a child? And, if so, does that come out easier? Just a thought that it may be about judgement.