ProudWife99
Gold Member
My husband suffers from Combat PTSD and I've only recently learned through his treatments that I suffer from my own form of PTSD. I've been active on one of the other forums for a little while now, but am starting to realize that as he heals and begins to get better...well I feel like I should catch up in some way.
I was the victim of a sexual assault when I was 15 years old. I told one person and he convinced me to have sex with him a week later and then refused to speak to me for about three years. I didn't tell anyone after that and tried to pretend like I wasn't broken. I had myself completely convinced and put myself through a physically and emotionally abusive relationship. Once I crawled out of that pit I met my (now) husband.
He is wonderful and I love him dearly. We've been married for a year and a half and most of those months have been spent screaming at one another, but we are still making it work. He had a "breakthrough" of sorts about six months back and since then has been released from his Prolonged Exposure Therapy and most of his other therapies. He feels great and is in a really great place.
As he gets better I fall further apart. I don't know why. I was comfortable in our broken relationship. He was "messed up" and so was I and I was in no hurry to face why. Now he wants healthy things from me that I am not ready to give.
He has been pressuring my lately to find a new T who is qualified in PET or EMDR or something of that nature to get through the trauma, but I just now find a T who I don't even lie to. That is about all I can handle.
I've been avoiding all of these issues for so long that I'm not even sure what is real or what I've made up at this point. All I know is that I can't blame him (my H) anymore and it is probably time I start to blame the assholes that were awful to me in the first place. Maybe then I'll stop blaming myself.
So....yeah. That's a start.
I was the victim of a sexual assault when I was 15 years old. I told one person and he convinced me to have sex with him a week later and then refused to speak to me for about three years. I didn't tell anyone after that and tried to pretend like I wasn't broken. I had myself completely convinced and put myself through a physically and emotionally abusive relationship. Once I crawled out of that pit I met my (now) husband.
He is wonderful and I love him dearly. We've been married for a year and a half and most of those months have been spent screaming at one another, but we are still making it work. He had a "breakthrough" of sorts about six months back and since then has been released from his Prolonged Exposure Therapy and most of his other therapies. He feels great and is in a really great place.
As he gets better I fall further apart. I don't know why. I was comfortable in our broken relationship. He was "messed up" and so was I and I was in no hurry to face why. Now he wants healthy things from me that I am not ready to give.
He has been pressuring my lately to find a new T who is qualified in PET or EMDR or something of that nature to get through the trauma, but I just now find a T who I don't even lie to. That is about all I can handle.
I've been avoiding all of these issues for so long that I'm not even sure what is real or what I've made up at this point. All I know is that I can't blame him (my H) anymore and it is probably time I start to blame the assholes that were awful to me in the first place. Maybe then I'll stop blaming myself.
So....yeah. That's a start.
