Tired Of Life

[Phantom Shadow]

Has anyone been so tired of life they just do not want to go on. I am just so tired I just don't care if I get tun over by a Mack truck. Only fear is it won't kill me. Say my therapist at the VA today an a even lower now than wen I went in.

It will be 40 years this fall from my event an the nightmares still come most nigts. Just want them to stop. The protocol at the VA seems to just be making it worse. Of course it does not help I have waited 35 years to deal with it.

What does everyone do to get out of a below the blackest hole you have ever been in.

 

[vikingr24]

Brother, the first thing is to put all guns away, locked up.
The next thing is to learn to breath right. When we are in fear or in that numb area as you are, you breath by raising your shoulders. Called the Warrior Posture. All that does is bring more carbon dioxide into your brain and befuddles your thinking. You see that spiral down to nothingness. Breath from your belly. Make your belly button go out as much as an inch or two. Count in at 5 counts. Count out at 5 counts. Try to go to 6 or even 8.
You will get a sense of calm. Open your mind and let it drain. There is nothing in there now worth saving. Oxygen returns to your brain and you should a lot better. It is as good as taking a 5mg tab of Xanax, studies have shown.
If that does not help then call the VA number 1 (877) 927-8387, press 1.
They have gotten good at finding you help. And you know you can go to any hospital and they must care for you. Make sure you try the local VA hospital, clinic, whatever.

Boredom is to be taken seriously. A movie, a dinner, a bar but don't drink alcohol. Just makes it worse. Get involved in a club or other group that gets you around people. You need them. Good luck.

 

[Deleted member 43454]

I used to go to alcohol and cigarettes then marijuana.
But truthfully I go to God now. I open up the bible an I read an I pray.
Right now I've set a goal to ride motorcycles again. But this time with the proper training an gear.
You've dealt with it a long time an come from the generation where they don't talk about it.
I believe you need to talk about it. I talked many drunken nights about some things and I totally regretted it an beat myself up for days after the fact but honestly the more you tell your story an get it out the less it harms you internally. An know that you can be forgiven.
Do not go to booze it will complicate it an bring you down.

 

[Phantom Shadow]

Thanks It does help some. One day above ground again. Why I don't know but one more day.

I used to go to alcohol and cigarettes then marijuana.
But truthfully I go to God now. I open up the bible an I read an I pray.
Right now I've set a goal to ride motorcycles again. But this time with the proper training an gear.
You've dealt with it a long time an come from the generation where they don't talk about it.
I believe you need to talk about it. I talked many drunken nights about some things and I totally regretted it an beat myself up for days after the fact but honestly the more you tell your story an get it out the less it harms you internally. An know that you can be forgiven.
Do not go to booze it will complicate it an bring you down.

Thanks Been that route before an you are correct. I would end it before going that route again. Attempting to find a new what ever to handle it now. Thanks. Again.

 

[Grizzly]

I get it, we all do I'm sure. Just the other day I had this thought that I'm tired of all of this guilt and fear and just didn't want to exist.

Take if from an alcoholic the booze does more harm than good. Took a long time to figure that one out!

Hobby! Whatever it is, find something. Cross the left and right side of the brain with creativity. Meditate.

 

[Phantom Shadow]

I get it, we all do I'm sure. Just the other day I had this thought that I'm tired of all of this guilt and fear and just didn't want to exist.

Take if from an alcoholic the booze does more harm than good. Took a long time to figure that one out!

Hobby! Whatever it is, find something. Cross the left and right side of the brain with creativity. Meditate.

You don't have to worry about alcohol and me. Already been thru the alcoholic phase. Just can't find the hobby all the ones I love to do take deep thought. Every time I attempt to do tem I can't get into deep thought. All I can think of is the mission in 77 when I get into deep thought. Don't what I am going to do tomorrow at work. I have passed out with pseudo-siezures six times in the last 36 hours. O so tired of it all an I ain't going in the hospital for it either. That would mean I have lost an I ain't a man. Only holding on by a thread right now. Talking with my grandkids helped a little. Thanks for your words. Spa Sponte.

 

[Kaishi]

That would mean I have lost an I ain't a man.

Brother, you a man already; nothing you do or don't can take that away from you.

Man seeking a self care, seeking help where available, is not only a man - He's a brave one, who knows when to let others help him take care of himself. ;)

 

[Deleted member 43454]

You are a man by default Shadow.
Don't let yourself get caught up in the "You're only a man if you do this or that." stuff.
One of the hardest things you could do is go to the hospital and ask for help because you're acknowledging you need it and putting forth the effort to see that you at least try to get it.

 

[vikingr24]

I was special ops too, Shadow. Sometimes I felt crazy jumping into that helo, Just the sound of the rotors gave me a rush. Still does.
I felt like a kid playing soccer. Sometimes it was a game, Maybe I survived a few trips that way,

WHy do you want to go to "deep thought" with a mission you want to forget? Meditate means empty your mind. Breath slowly through your mouth at a count of 5. Then out at the same count. Empty your mind as oxygen increases to your brain.

When the mind is puzzled with a thought or idea, it puts it into a kind of hibernation called decompression. To you it is forgetting but the brain always remembers. It is working on the problem in your subconscious. Maybe even while you fret for an answer.

Just continue breathing correctly. Focus on that act alone for a while. And then let it go. Even while you are sleeping it is working on the problem.

It will come back with an answer even if the answer is to quit worrying about the past. It's time to focus on the here and now. Stay present. And look to the future.

 

[Aussie Mick]

I've removed myself from the whole ex military/govt scene who are supposed to provide support to veterans. Weaned myself of all the meds and trying to just live a healthy life without the mind changing drugs that the experts say we need. Try and find the strength in yourself that led you to be who you were and the motivation that you had to become a warrior. Use that strength and motivation to find your new self that came out the other side ok. Hope that helps my friend

 

[Darksoul]

I asked that question also. I have been feeling the same, first time I decided to end things was 25 years ago, last time just a few years ago. Obviously both times I failed. What to do I really dont know. Living with the crap is just plain hard. I t's hard for others to understand which makes you face things pretty much alone.

Doing things eases my mind or at least distracts me from that big sandbag on my back. My son and daughter both have pets, they are young so i take care of them. I garden a lot. I go fishing, I dont really like to fish but preparing my kit and sitting at the water brings me peace. Sometimes I fish for trout which is pretty active, i also bought some fly fishing gear last year. We have some small rivers here, I just hop on my bike and ride along the water, fish on whatever seems a good spot.

I also started cooking, I try to go shopping for fresh vegetables and meat every day. Over the years I became a pretty good cook. Again not because I really like to cook but it eases the struggle. I do like to eat so Im actually preparing my own present.

It doesnt solve anything but its a little relief at times. If Im tired I take a nap. Set my alarm clock and get some soldiers sleep. After an hour or so I get up and do something.

Still a Frigging drag fighting myself through the day. Everyday. I slowed on the booze but still drink. A couple of beers a day, I also smoke pot few times a week. All the benzos, ssri's and other docters medicine just made things worse. Weed helps when Im really bad.

 

[vikingr24]

Sounds like you are doing all the right things, bro. At least you have the attitude to make it succeed.

I am envious of the fishing. I love fishing. It kills a lot of demons.