Thanks I am trying but it seems hopeless
I came here, last resort, but it is hopeless. We saw, we know. No one can change that.
We grow up in a fairy world where everything comes to a good end. Just kids that believe there is right and wrong. That pretty much changes, fast, as soon as "they" sent you out to war. That place that knows nothing about fairytales and doesnt give a shit about what is right and wrong.
Im speaking for myself here.......
Then you come home. To this place where fairytales are still embraced. To these outspoken personalities that try and tell you how things work. To those that really only know part of the story. Im probably sounding like some megalomaniac that knows everything but Im really not. I just saw the other side, the real ending of the fairytale. The final chapter thats not hopefull at all. The chapter thats eating me, burning me up.
My mind has gone and it must be fixed. So they drug you, try and tell you there still is hope. That its not all that bad. Meanwhile we see the news, biased as it mostly is. We see new kids fighting over huts made out of goat shit. The kids we once where. Proud, strong and motivated because all fairytales have a good ending. Kids that are being sent to hell for all the wrong reasons. Kids that die because of policy. Really whatever good did a war do.......
One of my old teachers that I met again later in life asked me "imagine the world where all soldiers would refuse to go to war"...... He thrived on that question and was really wondering about that. I let it go knowing that they would sent the MPs and probably execute or emprisson you because of desertion. But he, he never experienced war. For him an army consisted out of all these free individuals that shook hands and decided to go out and battle. He became a teacher, working with hopefull kids everyday and trying to give them a "solid" base for the future. He doesnt know how fast that can be taken away. Freedom, yeah he still believes in that....... I envy people like him..... I wish I had faith like that......
I am not sure if I am making a point thats understandable. Im not even sure what screwed me over more, the war and loosing faith or comming back and trying to digest the fairytales again. I guess we are trapped in between, soldiers without a war, civilians without hope. Hope maybe even, a dark outlook on things for sure.
Its a sleeples night again, almost 4 in the morning. I havent slept a lot the last few days so Im clouded. Probably better not to post this now but Hey.....
