To Continue Therapy Or Not?

[kris]

Ok so today I had a appointment with my psychologist, it is only the 4th time I have been there, at the end of the session he tells me to make an appointment for a month out and after that it is up to me if I want to continue. What the hell I am I suppose to do????

I don't/didn't ever want to go to therapy and now I am sort of getting more comfortable with it, and then he springs this on me. Obviously I can say I want to continue, but I was forcing myself to continue, and the confirmation at the end of every session to see him back in 2 weeks is what kept me going. Now if I have a "choice" I honestly don't think I could say yes to more, if there is an option from the professional that I am in fact not completely crazy and can go with out therapy.

Deep down I know I need more therapy, because I don't want to be dependent on 2 antidepressants for the rest of my life, and I know with out them I would be lost again. But for my whole life keeping things inside and not talking about my feelings is what has kept me going so far, yes my life hasn't been great but it was/is the only way I know how to cope.

Although I am not in a relationship right now, when I was I had major issues with being intimate with the guy, he would want to mess around and I would stiffen up and space out and become a zombie (just like when I was being molested), this freaked him out and made him mad and eventually he dumped me. So I know that if/when I have another boyfriend that this would be the same problem again, but I haven't mentioned this to my therapist either.

At the last session with the therapist he wanted me to write a letter to my brother/abuser, after reading that he says that I am or atleast heading/going into the right direction and it is up to me if I want to continue.

So what kind of therapy would work for having issues with being intimate with someone? Also as I said I know I keep my feeling hidden deep down, but I am afraid to express these feelings, and I don't know how. When the therapist asks me how I feel or what I thought about something, I don't have answers for those questions. If something pisses me off or bothers me I just tuck it away and move on, I don't know how to feel so to speak, and I guess I am afraid to go to more therapy for that very fact. If I open up and bring my thoughts and feelings to the surface, I am afraid I won't like what I think/hear/say or what I have become.

Sorry this is so long, but I had a very stressful day and needed to put my thoughts out there somewhere, besides keeping them in my head and "stewing" over them.

 

[Mina]

From this and things you've said in other threads, Kris, I think this psychologist is really kind of a bad egg. Would it be possible for you to find another therapist to work with?

 

[Deleted member 541]

I agree with Mina, but I also would look for a therapist that is trained in PTSD/trauma. There is a huge difference than just seeing a therapist that has no training in trauma or PTSD. Your current psychologist, sounds like an ass to me.

 

[kris]

Well guys, I finally got up the nerve to call and make an appointment with a different psychologist. This one is at a totally different facility then the previous fruitloop. This therapist specializes in ptsd, he is a fairly young/new therapist but I was getting nowhere with the other guy so I guess I will have to wait and see how this one goes.

 

[Deleted member 541]

You will find kris, that if the therapist is a good fit with you, that things will be a lot easier.....I hope this works out, but if it doesn't, keep looking for that good fit.

 

[anni]

I just read your post on the first therapist, and have to say I think it's very cool of you to have had the energy to make an appointment with another one. I'd love to see the old thread resurrected about crappy therapists because we all have these stories. It's a little frightening to think of the people without the various physical, mental or financial resources to dump the dam fruitloops.

She Cat's right, too- if this one isn't a good fit ( I really hope he is! ) keep looking. God, it's exhausting but so worth it in the end.

Take care, and hope you'll be able to post how things are going,

Anni

 

[Lisa]

Kris,

Glad you made an appointment with a different one. To reassure you, perhaps, I am currently on my third! This one made it beyond the first session though, so that looks promising. But yes, it most definitely is about finding the right fit for you. Additionally, last time I asked, there were theoretically 180 different types of psychologists alone! When they train, in the UK at least, they specialise in various approaches/areas, and particularly with therapy, this means that they all differ from slightly to largely depending on where they trained, what they specialised in, and if they choose to tend to adopt one approach or use their training eclectically or something integrative etc... (and to confuse you more, clinical psych's have several roles to their job and training, including research, training professionals, teaching and some tend to focus on these more than others etc). Not to mention that all people differ in their manner and way of relating to people and understanding things. There are different types of psychologists and doctors who will all have their particular modalities that they choose to largely practise from. And, of course, in any profession, there are always rotton apples as well as dodgy characters, along with the amazing ones.

So, don't despair... it's a huge area you're that you're trying to find some help in, with variance. If one isn't right... don't think too much about changing. Give them a fair crack like, and if you continuously struggle to find someone then maybe there's something else going on like lack of trust, avoidance etc., but until then... Especially if it is therapy rather than educational advice... This does tend to be a matter of searching and trialing.