To Kill A Dyingbird

[pixel]

Yesterday I killed a magpie :sorry: with my bare hands, deliberately.
My reaction surprises me.
The poor little guy was fatally injured when I found him, and the right thing was done.

Ok, I don't want to upset anyone here, but I need to talk about this.

The decision to euthenise was terrible, I felt awful. Hard to explain.

I pulled out my phone and searched how to do it with ur hands, then took the little mate to a discreet area and helped him out of his pain.
Thankfully first go, his body shut down and pupils dilated. The beak slowly opened and shut twice, but that was all.

Ok I feel nothing about killing it. But the decision to do it? Difficult.
Is that normal?

 

[hodge]

I would think that was extremely difficult, Pixel. Poor little guy. Good for you for looking up the best way to do it, since I take it a vet could have done nothing except prolong his pain. . .. by the time taken to take him there and if he/she couldn't do anything for him, etc.

 

[Bananie]

Ack, Pixel, I understand. I've had a couple of similar experiences. 1, a firefly flew into the wax of a citronella candle. I fished it out and set it on the table, and when it didn't fly away I realized the wax was probably hardening on it, and I'm not sure how bugs breathe, really, but that it was probably suffocating, so I decided to put it right in the flame. I apologized and said I hope I'm doing the best thing for you! 2. a month or so ago, walking to my moms, I saw a woman at the end of her driveway with a box, and something on the ground, so I crossed the street and asked if she needed help. A blue jay was flopping on the ground, and she thought her daughter's cat may have gotten to it so she was trying to get it in the box. I put it in the box for her, then asked, so...what do we do now? Does animal control come for birds? She said she didn't think so, so we kind of just sat there hopelessly for a few moments. Then the blue jay started squawking and moving in the box, and I wondered if maybe it was worse in a closed in space, so I lifted it out, and set it on the ground...and it let out one last squawk, and died. I feel bad wondering if I shouldn't have moved it so much, if I caused more damage. I dunno. Then I chalk it up to "well, I made that contract with that soul in the ether to play these parts in each others lives."

 

[Ronin]

But the decision to do it? Difficult.
Is that normal?

Very normal.

& That you're having difficulty? Is health.

 

[pixel]

Thank you for validating!

I thought it would be easier to make such a decision, and horrible to enact it. Seems to be the other way around.

I've seen plenty of death, in humans, perhaps that's why taking a life didnt affect me so much as choosing to.

 

[Anarchy]

It's not something that you want to get into a state of being able to do lightly. I'm seconding Ronin, that the difficulty is healthy.
Vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvb
Sorry, cross posted

 

[Ronin]

You chose it to ease suffering.

Ease it so much as to end it.

I lack the proper words, but your motive is right, and your action was right.

 

[Rani G2]

@pixel

You say your reaction surprised you. I can imagine that pixel. Its a very courages thing you did and its very normal when your emotions go on a rollercoaster ride.
Do you feel, that there is a moral demanding to feel otherwise? Because you ask if its normal to feel the way you felt or not felt.

 

[Deleted member 541]

I used to hand raise cockatiels. The first one I have had became sick, and I knew her time had come. Honestly, I couldn't do it, but I had someone else do it. I believe that we should put down animals that are sick, or in pain.

Yes, you did the right thing....

 

[pixel]

Do you feel, that there is a moral demanding to feel otherwise?

My mate who was with me, she got a bit teary and she asked if I would mind that she leave. I think I'm comparing myself to her. :sorry:

I'm sensing a bit of baggage dragging itself into this:
1) My husband would kill animals to hurt me.
Ive never killed anything larger than an aphid on a rose. I worry sometimes that I'm turning into him.

2) Killing the magpie stirred up recent feelings of suicidal ideation. :sour:

 

[Rani G2]

@pixel

these experiences are definitely very hard to handle. I am sorry, you had to go through this Pixel.
I hope you find time and peace to acknowledge these emotions and make it through.
To threaten someone with death, in your case taking life of animals to make you suffer is something creating unbearable pain. Can you be with that feeling? Leaving it without distracting yourself? Or do you feel that any avoiding part, who tries to protect you, comes into the surface?

 

[Ronin]

I'm sensing a bit of baggage dragging itself into this:

Okay, so two major things. :)

1. You're you, by def cannot turn into him, no matter what you do, as you're two different people.

Though, to be more specific -

You didn't hurt that magpie. You ended its pain. How's that any similar as hurting another living being, with a goal of hurting a person / using it as a tool? It just isn't.

They're not even in the same galaxy of reasoning.

2. What'd help you ground? It's not like you're worthless / should follow / have no purpose / seed destruction.

The contrary; you're a badass person who looks around you, sees distress, helps distress.

Even if it requires measures that are far from comfortable.

That means a good person. Courageous person. Compassionate person. Caring person.