General To Share Info Or Not To Share?

[Sephira]

Hey guys!

I have a quick question for you all. I'm a bit torn. These forums are so wonderful, chock full of great information and caring people. There are some days when you guys are my lifeline-it's so nice to vent and talk with people who genuinely understand my situation and can offer helpful adivice withourt judging.

I think this forum would be extremely helpful to my sufferer as well, however, I am hesitant to tell him about it. My posts are how I genuinely feel at the time, and I'm afraid if he sees them, it might trigger him, or that he might use the information he finds here to manipulate me when he's angry.

For example; someone from the sufferer forum might post a thread about feeling the need to leave there partner to continue their healing process. He reads it, and the next time we argue or I upset him, he says " you know, so and so was right in their post. I think I need to go for a while." Or worse yet, if he goes into a rage, will post something nasty on here. His PTSD is untreated because of his location atm, so all of this is possible.

On the other hand, the posts may give him insight into what PTSD does to me and other sufferers. He also might make friends here that understand what he's going through and really begin to see PTSD for what it is. That it isn't my behavior but stress that is causing his problems. The information here might really help.

Anyway, does anyone on here share the site with their sufferer or carer? How do you balance things?

Have a great day everyone!

 

[ClairBear226]

I'd ask around, and see if there might possibly be another PTSD forum where he might get support, but that won't conflict with your being a member here. If he has combat PTSD, or his is related to a sexual assault, there are specialty "sister" (brother?) boards to this one that might be helpful. Otherwise, I'd scout around and see what you find. There may be board members here that belong to more than one forum that may have a suggestion.

A good person to ask might be ISH (ISupportHer). I think he's mentioned his wife finding a forum that she liked, that allowed them to both have their space. (Hope you don't mind, ISH!)

I personally haven't found a forum I've liked as much as this one, but I'm sure I haven't exhausted the possibilities. Good luck.

 

[ProudWife99]

Sephira - I struggled with this same thing a while back. I have been completely open with my husband about the forum and I'm sure he knows the address, as we often share a computer. As he has combat PTSD, I suggested that forum for him, knowing that would give him access to this one.

I think if you're afraid he is going to start using things against you later, I wouldn't necessarily recommend a forum in the first place. I am of the opinion that to benefit the most from a place like this one, you have to be of sound mind enough that not EVERY situation, piece of advice, and story fits into your own. Not every answer works for every person. I think the support is a wonderful thing, but even too much of a good thing can have negative effects.

I know that is not extremely helpful, but I really feel that until he can be involved in regular treatment and getting professional help/advice, he may not be able to see the difference between opinion and fact when he is angry. Am I making any sense?

 

[Tifanee]

I briefly mentioned it the other day to my love and I could tell that he was closed off to the idea. Maybe not closed off forever, but I put the idea out there that there are others out there trying to work through the PTSD emotions, life, and behavior.

You could also try to get into the secret Supporter society that one would need special access to in order to post. Only those Supporter members have access to that forum. Good luck!

 

[JohnJohn]

Sephira,

I want to share my thoughts with my loved one too, but I feel that they are overwhelmed as it is and adding to it would over load them. I want to talk and share feelings, especially about the feelings we are going through. Unfortunately, I believe my wife is too caught up in other feelings right now, so I want to give her an opportunity to handle a little at a time.

I don't know about everyone else's situation, but I know my wife shuts down after too much deliberation about things. I find giving a small piece at a time makes the most progress, everything else she does at her own pace, like therapy.

Of course she stopped going to therapy, so there is no pace right now!!!! But, I guess that is for another discussion. F@#$!!!

 

[Pale Warrior]

I don't know about everyone else's situation, but I know my wife shuts down after too much deliberation about things. I find giving a small piece at a time makes the most progress, everything else she does at her own pace, like therapy.

My experience too JJ, I can see my husband go glazed and pull the shutters down. It ties in with his poor memory too, anything that has emotional triggers and it slides out the other ear.