Today Is My Nightmare

[Brinsanity]

If you believe in a higher power, please pray fro me today.
It's my nephew's birthday party, and at this event, there will be my abuser. She is a part of our family (not mine with choice) but otherwise, along with my mother who knew and did not stop the abuse. I need strength, courage, and a lot of support to make it. I know I don't have to do this, but I love my nephew, and he means more than my trauma. I am not a victim anymore. I am not a victim anymore. I am not a victim anymore. I am not a victim anymore...

 

[DharmaGirl]

((((Hugs)))) Try to stay present is the best advice. Try to enjoy your nephew. You are strong!!

 

[The Albatross]

Late, but consider it done.

 

[Brinsanity]

It was hard! I cried a lot after I left, but I did very well during the event. I had to go to the restroom to collect myself once, and go play with the small kids to avoid the adult drama. I saw a few bits and people trying to draw me in, but I would find my rock (my husband) and focus on trying to get through it. We went late and missed my sister (abuser) who had to leave early! I got to spend time with my grandparents, who were the parents my parents refused to be for me. It was a difficult event to be with my triggers, and tomorrow is picture day with all of my family and their kids! I need your support to continue for a few more days. My husband is being wonderful and supportive as best he can, and I am trying very hard not to have any break downs. :/

 

[The Albatross]

Hope all goes well for you Brin, glad you have some support but today make sure you give yourself permission to withdraw to a "safe place" if you choose. Even if that means away from the event. Do stress reduction and I'm very glad to read you did well during the event yeserday. Have a code word or a hand signal, for your spouse, if you hit overload and need assistance. It's a safety plan. Also decide how long you will tolerate the event, then you can reevaluate from time to time. You don't need to be present 100% of the time unless you choose to or are enjoying the event. Good luck fo you today, with you in prayers.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I agree with Alby. You are in my prayers too if that is ok. Please take good care of yourself.

 

[DharmaGirl]

Yay! You did it! Awesome:joyful:

 

[nimkekaa]

Your nephew is lucky to have an aunt who is willing to go through all this to be there for him.

I hope all went well today and if you still need some prayers I will add mine.

 

[Brinsanity]

Today was tough. I did have to face some unfortunate feelings while being in a room with my abusive sister and my mother at the same time. It was a very long day, but I made it. My husband guided me and loved me through every minute of it. My PTSD symptoms, my flashbacks, my intense crying episodes, and my tremors are in full force right now. So I'm hoping when we get to head home, I will have powered through, gaining new strength. Thanks you for what you have said, and your encouragement. :)

 

[The Albatross]

:woot::tup: