Told my parents

[Cain]

I told my parents about being abused when I was younger, and I’m worried that they now think it’s their fault or that they could have prevented or stopped it somehow. I worked so incredibly hard to hide it from them for years, there was no way they could have known. My mom cried a lot when I told her. I don’t know how to make them feel secure again. Can’t stop feeling like I caused them even more pain by telling them.

 

[Trecy]

I told my parents about being abused when I was younger, and I’m worried that they now think it’s thei...

Cain, I'm sincerely sorry for what happened. I think you are bring incredibly brave, especially after all those years. Give them a little time to process the information. Personally, if I had a child I would want them to pour out their heart, even at a later point in their life, even if it comes with pain. Owning your story is rough, but the energy it must have taken to hide it almost unbearable.

If this has, nevertheless, taken a weight off your shoulder,let your parents know it did. I wish you all the best.

 

[Sweetleaf]

Remember that their current pain isn't your fault - whoever it was that abused you, that is who caused their pain right now. Not you by opening up to them about what happened. It's not your fault you were abused. You didn't do anything bad or wrong by opening up to them.

I wish I had good advice for you, but I still have never told my mom about the sexual abuse from my childhood. I don't think I ever will. But, it is a very brave thing for you to do, to open up to them.

 

[Justmehere]

Kudos to you for your courage!

Parents are supposed to be upset when something bad happens to their child. It’s ok that your mom cried. It’s a normal reaction.

Don’t blame yourself. They will have their own process to face this, and that’s ok. You didn’t do anything wrong. The perp did.

 

[Cain]

I told my parents about being abused when I was younger, and I’m worried that they now think it’s thei...

Update: My mom’s trust in me is completely gone. She says she feels like I’m “on a bad path right now”. I don’t know how to communicate to her that 1) I’ll be alright 2) most kids never tell anyone, and telling her, even years later, is a start. It doesn’t mean I was deceitful, it means I was scared and hadn’t come to terms with it. We’re always told to tell someone right away when something like this happens but it’s so much different when you’re in the middle of that situation.
My dad has told me to ask for forgiveness from God.


Like I’ve done something wrong or caused this. Being told to ask for forgiveness is the last thing I wanted to hear

 

[Justmehere]

What the...?

Crying = normal response.

Victim blaming you for being abused = horrible way to respond. I’m so sorry. They are wrong. Very wrong.

You don’t need to ask for forgiveness of them or God for keeping abuse a secret. You did the best you could as a child to survive something really awful that no child should ever have to endure.

 

[Esterio]

Hi there Cain

First welcome. I 'm sorry for what happened to bring you here. I am glad you came and reached out. It is a good start on your healing journey. I never told my parents and they have past on now. I don't see any good that would come out of it later in life as there was nothing they could change. I have found telling People about what happened with me never ends well for me they never seem to be able to understand. I only talk online and in therapy now.

I am sorry telling your parents about your abuse didn't go well.

Peace be safe
Esterio

 

[Sweetleaf]

Your parents sound like shitheads.
I'm sorry they're reacting in such a horrible way.

Disregard this bullshit they're saying to you. Ugh. :mad: it pisses me off they would treat you like that. WTF!
None of that was your fault, and you did nothing wrong. You didn't cause it. The abuse you received is NOT your fault. Staying silent about it is NOT your fault, that is a natural reaction to horrible things happening to you, and a lot of times staying silent can be a matter of safety, or even just feeling safer. You aren't guilty of anything.

It wouldn't be unreasonable to cut contact with them, if they're just going to treat you like that.

I don't know if you live with them or anything like that, but IMO it wouldn't be a bad idea to cut them out of your life. That shit is just toxic. It's your life and your choice though.

I cut my dad out of my life about a decade ago. He was a complete sack of shit, and I'm glad I've stuck to it all these years and kept him out of my life.

 

[PreciousChild]

I'm sorry that your parents are reacting that way. What you need right now is acceptance, love, and support at a time that's totally crucial and fragile. And you so deserve that. But what you're getting is invalidation and criticism. You may feel abandoned, hurt, and angry which would be totally natural. I hope there are other people you can tell and get a realistic and supportive response, that reflects compassion and kindness. If it's not possible at all to get any comfort from another person, I hope that at the very least, you can give yourself unconditional acceptance and compassion for the trauma that you went through. You have to tell your story. It's the truth.

 

[Innordinate]

Sorry your parents are such dicks.

If you still want to even talk to them..... tell your mom exactly the way you posted here what you wanted to tell her.
and tell them God already forgave you and He's the only one that can judge you and that He's judging them and how they're treating you now as well. Tell them you will pray for them that they might repent for their sins and be forgiven.

Oh and then if you need to bring the bible into it too quote 1 Timothy 5:8, Collosians 3:21, Matthew 18:6 and Psalm 127:3

 

[Deleted member 47099]

Sorry to hear their reaction.
Many families are absolutely crap at dealing with this stuff.
Mine were too.
I got told all kinds of crap like "It can't be true, we would've noticed" and "If it were true, you'd have told us sooner".
Parts of my family were so horrified I did therapy, because they knew it would cast a bad light on the family that was always pretending to be "fine" while being deeply dysfunctional and abusive.
I got cut out of the inheritance cos of this stuff eventually... :cautious:
There is no level to which some families will not stoop.
I've been non-contact with them now for 17 years.
They have been the best 17 years of my life and I have grown and blossomed with each year of no-contact.
Good riddance they are gone. They were :poop:

 

[Trecy]

Cain,
your parents don't emotionally support you because they simply don't know how, this is sadly all too obvious.
This has nothing to do with you and the reasons are likely be found in their own upbringing, no matter what they might say.

You made an important first step into the right direction & foremost for yourself. Don't let this step be devalued by your parent's reaction.

We look up to them, seeking for validation. But with the years passing by our parents become human beings with flaws and errors. They might not be the best people to seek guidance from.

Try to find people who CAN support you. Find people who think and feel like you do, use their support to keep you going. Look at everyone who replied, we did because we are convinced you are the one being proactive and growing.