Too Anxious To Take Anxiety Meds. Help?

[i ama crime scene]

I've been given fast acting pills that I can take as needed up to twice a day. Awesome. I'd like to keep one until night time when I'm finally ready to sleep because that's a really rough part of my day. I often put it off, dreading the nightmares, and distracting myself with the internet until the safety of dawn finally shows up. But I can't keep putting sleep off, I have classes to attend and I can't function well on little sleep.

The main point is, taking my first one, tonight at 4:45 am was awful. How do I get over that?

I was positive someone had possibly broken in. I thought the noise I heard was a door close downstairs (I should be home alone) and then the stairs creak. My only thought was, why on earth would I take something to calm me when I could be killed? Why shut down exaggerated startle response when it could save my life? I've no idea why I think this. My instinct is freeze, always freeze, I never fight or run away when these things happen. Anyway, any advice on how to accept that delusions aren't real and to just take the pill when I get so worked up?

And, to a lesser extent, how to deal with the embarressment of when it kicks in. I guess I was expecting a tiny repression machine, but instead the pill lets me keep thinking the thoughts, I just don't react to them. I can't believe how worked up I was... DAE get that?

 

[anni]

It sounds like your adrenaline blew right through the med to some extent? I know that happens to me if the I'm off-the-wall far enoug, which means on the ceiling. Some may have taken effect, maybe just enough to have given you an inaccurate idea of what the med is capable of in 'normal' stressful situations, if that makes any sense.

Is this PRN or something your doc gave you which they really would like you to take twice a day? It does mkae a big difference because sometimes having a constant level in your system is what the doc is going for, not merely squishing the momentary adrenaline.

I haven't looked, but I'll bet one bazillion dollars ( no, really, I'll write you a check. :) ) that somewhere in the forum's history will be a thread discussing whatever med you were prescribed. Maybe do a search and see if you can find it, see what other member's experiences were/are? If you'd rather not be seen looking around at this specific med, do what I do and log out, then look for it! :)

Please don't feel I'm at all preachy', just giving my feedback, hoping something might be a little helpful. If not, hope someone genuinely helpful comes along soon! :)

 

[WillyKat]

I'm not sure I can be of much help. I once told my therapist that when I first go to bed, I have the most bizarre, illogical, silly fears and thoughts. I used to call it "crazy think" because by the time daylight rolled around, I would be OK.

I don't know if its feasible or not, but have you considered finding yourself a room-mate, or maybe a dog?

 

[Hashi]

I've been doing a lot more breathing and meditation exercises and I'm finding something similar. It's like the thoughts are there but the emotions aren't activated. So my emotions are calm and relaxed, but my thoughts are saying, "Are you seriously going to leave everything without checking it over and over before going to bed? What if it's really not locked? You might be at horrible risk."

From what you say, it didn't shut down your awareness, only your hyper-alertness. My suggestion is to remember that, and reassure yourself that you do still have your awareness, and that will kick in if there's any danger. That's what I'm trying to do. The way I see it is that my brain is now programmed to go into those kind of thoughts, and if I can keep pushing through them then it will be getting reprogrammed until things are different and my thoughts are also calm, but I'm still capable of looking after myself.

With regard to jumping at noises and imagining all sorts of things, I no longer have that anyway. Now I hear a noise and only think, that must have been a radiator cooling down or a floorboard easing naturally. It really is possible to get that to point, but it's a hard journey to get there and it does involve a lot of work and reassuring self-talk. The more mindful you can be about locking up the better, because later when you have the anxiety you can remind yourself, I know everything's secure because I remember I did this and that.