'too Traumatized' For Cbt - Anyone Else Relate?

[NovemberStar]

Thinking about it, I do have a few things I do find relax me - and I use some coping skills: writing, walking, even going to bed for a sleep. Focusing on what I 'can' do. Not thinking too far into the future. Cuddling my pets. Making a cup of decaf / hot drink. Lying on the couch snuggling into my blanket. I haven't' used it for a while, but I have an art journal where I express how I am feeling. Letting myself 'just be'. And I think I probably do do some form of 'mindfulness' when I notice I am feeling x y z, that those feelings are unpleasant, but they are just feelings - I sort of try to separate how I feel in that moment with what my whole life is like or going to be - hard to explain. Guess I put 'mental distance' between what I am feeling. Maybe its not mindfulness at all, but it works for me (like this morning - panic while in the supermarket - I noticed 'ok, so I am feeling very anxious; that is ok, I do not need to 'do' anything about that, it will pass'.

I cannot always do this - when those things don't' work I do sometimes use my eating disorder to 'cope' - but I am definitely getting better with this. A couple of months ago I was acting out my eating disorder 2-3 times a day - but in the past 2 weeks, there has been 3 days only, and not all day. I had 15 years without my eating disorder, and last year I managed 9 months without a single behavior. Progress, not perfection. Its' definitely not my instant 'go to' when I am distressed anymore.

 

[Jane.l]

@NovemberStar - I have tried EMDR with hand tapping rather than eye movement - I found the eye movement gave me bad headaches - tapping was better but I found it was bringing up a whole string of trauma and not just the trauma we were trying to focus on - and at that time I found it too overwhelming out of the therapy room -that said - I would like to try it again when I am feeling more stable

 

[NovemberStar]

@Jane.l - I think I've realized a huge part of my inability to try this or other techniques with my T is to do with my level of fear around her - transference related stuff; which I am going to work on with her - I've been too afraid to even mention it to her, or even acknowledge it to myself, but I feel I am beginning to be ready to talk to her about it. From there, I think I will be more able to manage the idea's and suggestions and begin to try them with her. I hope so, anyway.

 

[ghotiff]

I too struggle with therapy. 15 years ago I tried to have therapy but the act of walking to the building to book an appointment triggered me so badly that I froze and physically could not go through with it. 6mths ago, I tried again and my entire goal was to make it to the door of the appointment. I even pre-wrote a note giving the billing information because I thought that there was a very good chance that I wouldn't be able to stay let alone talk.

I struggle with the conflicting concepts that therapy should be hard work ....but surely the goal is not to be pushed to the point that I start considering suicide again (however fleeting).

Do what you can in the here and now .... and celebrate that you want to get better and that you are trying.