Toooo much on the go - i am so tired.... i hate ptsd :(

[Sunshine71]

3 severe flashback/ hulincations this week... Sunday wiped us out.... Tuesday night was horrendous .. I called an ambulance but after being told it may take SIX hours... waiting an hour ...hubby calming down and feeling shattered I cancelled it.

He doesn't know who I am.... (we have been together nearly 30 years) He doesn't know our son .. I HATE this illness....

I am just trying to work .... I got a speeding ticket on Chrstmas day - picking my dad up who is ill.... I have a parking ticket.... the ticket would have cost me 20p!!! Why would I have not got a ticket if I had known....!!!

I am sorting out working tax credits... as hubby was too ill and busy working while the work was there he just couldn't sort his figures out... now they are saying we have to pay £2K back... we don't have it..

Now hubby has gone out - he called to say he is so ill and needs help....

I am exhausted - I don't want this anymore - please if there was a god can he not take away this evil illness...

It is not fair....

Hubby was a lovely guy..... and now he doesn't even know who I am or who he son is....

I am scared and so tired.... I just want us to be happy - my stomach is in knots - he will sit there with a terrible black look on his face - feeling confused and horrible.... my son is seeing this....

Feeling so sad and scared

With love sunshine xx

 

[Freida]

I'm so sorry...such a hard place to be in...

 

[blackemerald1]

You cannot be all things to everyone. You need time for yourself too.

Having said this - practicalities of life drop in.
Pay the parking fine. Everyone gets them even stressed out ppl!
Ring the tax ppl or engage a professional accountant to go on a payment plan... Get a book keeper to keep that stuff up to date. It should be tax deductible anyway.

Your son needs fun & relaxation & real attention not just food, shelter etc. You need to do this - if hubby can join well & good. If not - still do it. Something you both enjoy?

Is hubby in therapy?, Does his Dr know about the recent event with ambulance? If thing's are getting to crisis point for him maybe some inpatient (voluntary) care to evaluate what is going on?

You are worried about him that is natural but worry doesn't actually achieve anything.

Delegate thing's you don't want to do or cannot do if possible & don't indulge in guilt for doing so.

Take a step back, breathe & take care of yourself everyday. Doesn't have to be major expensive & time consuming stuff. Going for a walk or other exercise you like.. on your own. Doing some gardening... something you like doing & rest.

If you break there will be nobody steering the ship you are on. So whilst this is all going on take care of yourself - maintain yourself!

It's hard, different & of course you long for the past but it is gone.

 

[Sunshine71]

WOW thank you so much Link Removed what an absolutely stunning and helpful reply. I am blown away - thank you. At the moment I am just fat out worrying about the future and scared my hubby will end up mad and in a mental hospital. He has gone down hill as his work has fried up again - but I have said this is part of being self employed ... thank you.... thank you.... xxxxxxxxx

 

[blackemerald1]

Well I'm here (as a sufferer) but you @Sunshine71, have my respect - as a supporter of your hubby with his condition & a mother, wife, daughter and all the other stuff that is most likely happening in your 24 hr 'on duty' life that you've not mentioned & don't have to....because I know there would be much, much more than what you posted.

Aside from people you love & who need you to be one or all of these things simultaneously... you are so valuable, so precious just for being you...don't forget this.

Outsource non essential stuff when things get too hard & remember who you are & give yourself a break.

Take care,
b1