ED I am so tired of anorexia

[Ocean147]

I know how you feel. Food is tricky cause like we want it and need it. And yet, unfortunately, it's there when we're stressed too. However, I do agree with the idea of not counting anything. Less stress that way.

 

[brokenpony]

i’m back there too. i did the attempt at stopping counting for awhile. now pants fit slightly tighter and i’m inching back into deeper restriction. it’s really hell.

for me i think it has something to do with feeling my body more and how awful that is. maybe something like that. it is so awful being in a body.

i’m also 40 and worried that years of this behavior off and on is soon going to show up in ugly ways medically.

 

[Friday]

for me i think it has something to do with feeling my body more and how awful that is. maybe something like that. it is so awful being in a body.

Straterra (atomoxetine, SSNRI, ADHD med) is used off label to treat exactly this in anorexia. A very quirky, but very useful side effect.

 

[brokenpony]

Straterra (atomoxetine, SSNRI, ADHD med) is used off label to treat exactly this in anorexia. A very quirky, but very useful side effect.

wow i had no idea. maybe i’ll talk to my psychiatrist about it.

 

[Friday]

wow i had no idea. maybe i’ll talk to my psychiatrist about it.

The thought is that the same hyper-awareness ADHD has about... everything... shares a process with the hyperawareness anorexics have with our bodies. So every "roll" of fat (not really, just skin touching other skin) & all of the revulsion attached TO that hyoerawareness just... poof! Vanishes. Along with the intrusive thoughts, rumination, panic/SI, etc. Either magically gone, or able to be mentally 'set aside' to be thought about later. It's a mind blowing experience.

I have (off the charts) ADHD, so that's what I took it for... my psychiatrist almost fell out of his chair laughing when I came in talking about my ED just being... gone. He couldn't get me to shut up about the anorexia to talk about my ADHD "Yes, yes. We actually prescribe it for anorexia, more often than for ADHD, just at lower doses."

In the ED circles I run/ran in? Roughly a third to half the people I knew were on it.

One DOES have to learn to be careful about baths/showers (and a few other things, like hot drinks, sunburns, etc). As it's still possible to tell hot/cold (it doesn't numb things) BUT not exactly HOW hot/cold. It's easy to scald yourself on accident.

 

[ninja]

@Friday Just to be clear, this only applies to Strattera, not any other ADHD medications (e.g., vyvanse)?

 

[Friday]

@Friday Just to be clear, this only applies to Strattera, not any other ADHD medications (e.g., vyvanse)?

Correct.

As Strattera is the only non-stimulant ADHD med out there? It goes to follow it has side effects not seen with stimulants.

 

[SunriseMoon]

I am stable in recovery (been stable for the past 7-ish years), so that's not a concern right now. I'm a healthy weight.

I am just so tired of being aware of/monitoring/judging my food intake and always wanting to minimize how much I eat. I find new fat on my body and it's like a part of me flips a switch and goes, "must destroy" but then the rest of me is both too tired to do that and also knows better. So I often end up in this space of "eat less...but in a non-drastic and f*cked up disordered way", which I'm really starting to get sick of, but then that means facing the possibility that I might stay where I am or gain weight which is apparently still very scary.

I don't want to be dealing with this 10 years from now, so I know I need to do something different (i.e., probably bring it up with T in more than just a passing "oh yeah, I've been having a harder time with food and body lately"), but I also feel like I know that at base I need to make peace with the possibility of gaining weight. Not that I have to gain weight, but that the sky wouldn't fall if I did. This entails learning to accept that my body might look/feel like it did just before my life came apart when I was 19, and there's just so much resistance there. I don't want to look like that person, I don't want to feel like that person - I know that I am that person, but weighing less than I did back then (even if it's not that big of a difference) has somehow become the big red line that keeps me from falling into a pool of shame and self-hatred. I have less hatred for the me that exists now, but I guess I need to work on having less hatred for that person, too. Idk.

Anyone else in a similar-ish boat by chance?

I understand completely. After being in the normal weight range and not too happy about it for years the old anorexia has just kicked in, after being triggered, and I want to ride the dragon back to weighing at least 10 pounds less, still within safe range, but I hate the awful feelings that come with it. So ... I hear you. The question is how close can we get to the line? But hey, recovery is something we did once and have every reason to be proud of that. If you've done it once, you can do it again. We have more tools that we did back then. Here in the UK with have Shout and Beat a phonecall away. I've also joined a Discord server for ED. Just being online there makes me feel stronger. Hope this helps.x

 

[Abstract]

I've pretty much recovered, but there is still stuff that lurks, and it's that connection between body size and the me that was there and events. That battle still goes on for me. You describe it well. I've been a bit stuck on it recently so appreciate the discussion. It's revolting hard, isn't it?

But I guess it's partly a typical ED thing - somatising stuff. Making the body responsible for things that are nothing to do with it. Like Roster93 mentioned. And a trauma thing - connecting things that aren't truly connected.

But recovery to an extent, I found it easier for someone to give me the food I needed initially. No counting then. Just a reality check of what I needed to be eating. But you need to get to the point where you are willing to do that. An ED program or trauma informed ED dietician would be a good one.

I denied the trauma and related symptoms for a long time so started with ED and other treatment. But improving it has made a very big impact on all my coping with other stuff.

 

[Abstract]

Oh, and hi after so long! It's wonderful to hear you are doing better.

 

[nayayar3]

I also went through eating disorders and even after years of remission caught myself in strict control of food; now remind me that weight can change and it’s normal: let the body gain a few pounds without panic, learn to focus on hunger and satiety instead of numbers, When anxiety grows, I ask three questions - I gave the body food, was it tasty, was I safe; it also helps to write what I am grateful for in my body and discuss fears with a therapist; You’re not alone, and it gets easier with time.