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Tossed Aside Again

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I got to go out on my pass today to see my T. I was glad I was able to go. We talked what's happened so far, what I took, what health problems have come up. We talked about where I want to go from here in therapy (I didn't know), she told me where she wants to be able to go with me but said we have to establish safety or my body won't allow me to move into the next stage of work.

She said she is hoping that they do a psych work up on me while I'm in here. My T said she is hoping I can talk to someone specific in the hospital that she knows of and has trained with before.

She said she felt like my anxiety level was down since she saw me before my attempt. She said that she could feel how afraid I was when I was with her last week after reporting. She said she really sat with that after and tried to think if she were in my position how she would create safety for herself. She also told me that she had spoken with both the detectives from both police stations. She didn't get into it a lot other than she asked them not to speak to my great-uncle if they weren't pursuing charges. She didn't want him to know I had attempted another report if nothing was going to be done.

If I had any ability to feel emotions right now, I think I would have broke down crying after she told me that. I know my T supports me, but this was a HUGE demonstration of her support for me. I really felt like she cared and that she was doing all she could to keep me safe. I have never felt this supported by a T before and it makes my heart hurt, but in a good way. My T asked if I wanted a hug before I left, which I said yes to, she told me that she was really glad that I was ok.

She is getting me in on Monday afternoon before she goes away for a few days for more training.
 
First night where I fell asleep before midnight, still had nightmares despite the new medication.

Has anyone taken prazosin for nightmares? Does it take a while for it to build up in your system or does it typically work right away? No one seems to have an answer at the hospital, just wondering from others personal experiences.
 
I am sorry but haven't taken meds for nightmares so can't give you any advice, but hope you get the answers you need and that they can start helping.
God bless
Helen
 
So I spoke with a psych dr again today. She told me that they have diagnosed me as PTSD with MDD (major depressive disorder), an anxiety disorder, and dissociation (still no idea on where I fall on the spectrum though). I get released tomorrow morning. So I'm excited but nervous.

The lady who brings the food trays saw me when I was brought in with the overdose and knew I had tried to commit suicide. She was so sweet and nice to me, made sure to spend a little time talking to me. Then the other day she made me cry because she was so nice, and today she talked to me for a long time and hugged me and said she better not see me in here again or she will kick my butt (in a loving way), she also said she wished she could take me home with her.

Then I had one of my favourite OCP's (observational care provider) today, basically they babysat me 24/7 in shifts, we talked the entire time. Then she gave me a hug before she left and said she hopes we cross paths outside at some point.

I'm sad to lose two people like that, who have been such a big influence to me while I'm here. But I'm happy to go home and see my pets.
 
I am so glad that they have given you the care you have deserved and needed while you are there and am praying that you can also continue to look after yourself and realise how much you do deserve that care and are a blessing to so many people as well as your pets, and that you do have a life that is worth living and can have freedom from this.

God bless
Helen
 
The food tray lady and the OCP didn't need to say those things. They have gone a little "above and beyond" in their care. They clearly saw what a good and kind person you are. You have touched them. As you have touched us. You truly are a special lady! Now go and hug those fur babies.

:-)
 
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