Totally Lost My Ability To Look After Myself

[BlueOrange]

I have a week's worth of beard, which I haven't had in years :/

Been processing really really hard this week. I seem to have taken all the strength I've picked up, and poured it straight back into 'digging deeper and dealing with the buried stuff'.

But I did get myself to the gym (once) and sort out a billing issue I'd been procrastinating about. And I have slept relatively well the last couple of days.

The anger is right there at the surface now, all the time. Well, actually, only when I have some kind of thing to get angry about (which is a plus). But I'm really not used to having it there.

 

[sedna]

Hello
Just wondered if anyone else had gone through this process and what helped you to move through it...

I didnt see this post until now for some reason ( since I've lived on this forum since I found it, its hard to believe I've managed to miss something :x3: )
It looks to me that the advice in response is all really helpful, I cant add anything better.

I just want to let you know, no matter how bad you've gotten, I had to have been 10 X worse. I'll spare you the disgusting details. If you live alone that is so easy to do. I was truly gross for at least 3 years, and then I elevated to sort of messy and badly groomed, which is where I still hover. If I know I dont have to go anywhere for two days. Then I dont shower or change my t-shirt and sweats for two days. I am wearing the same thing I had on yesterday at this time, which I also slept in, as I type this. I also went to the store like this, because if I have sunglasses on, no one can tell I slept in my clothes and skipped a shower, right? :bag:

I'm going to try to take some of the advice given to you - it says something positive about you that you even asked for advice about it... I never did. :unsure:

 

[Sandstone]

I've done so little. i'm carrying the defeat from NHS into the rest of my life. But there are no consequences for me, as OH picks up everything I leave undone.

 

[quadratus]

@john abshire thank you for sharing that. I will try that as I'm struggling with dis...

natbird- what do you mean by "....after SE....i went into flashback"?, Do you have a memory/thought that triggers symptoms you weren't having before? or is it an increase in existing symptoms? Can you describe symptoms? I have serious symptoms of trauma, and am in mucho therapy, but am doubting it is ptsd per se. [I don't "seem" to have the external triggers.] I need to know. tks

 

[NatBird]

I've done so little. i'm carrying the defeat from NHS into the rest of my life. But there are no cons...

@Sandstone sending support.

 

[NatBird]

natbird- what do you mean by "....after SE....i went into flashback"?, Do you have a memory/though...

@john abshire
Just mean that I done an SE exercise, very simple one and I had quite an intense memory. It was unknown to me until that moment. So yes, it triggered a memory. The symptoms are feeling like I am back there.
I am grateful as it has helped to move me into the pain I've needed to move forward. l but won't be doing it again, alone!

I'd like to keep this thread focused on coping. I feel this conversation is moving it elsewhere. I'm open to talking about this so perhaps a conversation?

 

[NatBird]

Update:

I've agreed a fee and will be arranging a date for the dude to come and paint my whole flat. Now for the deep cleaning! :(
I really want to give myself the most safe, comfortable, gentle space to be in. It feels important for the trauma work that is aboit to begin. Especially the EMDR. Gulp:!

 

[NatBird]

...although today I've done sweet FA and don't see myself doing much more!

 

[quadratus]

@john abshire
Just mean that I done an SE exercise, very simple one and I had quite an intense mem...

when you stated you were open to talking about this, perhaps a conversation, did you mean "conversation" on the website where it appears to start a new topic? [i am unfamiliar with the website and terms used.]

 

[Sandstone]

Sometimes nothing is the healthiest thing we can do for ourselves. After a tough day, a few days zoning out ca be absolutely essential.

 

[NatBird]

@Sandstone I've done so much nothing that my cat managed to eat my dinner!

 

[koalaburger]

I am so glad to read this thread. I go to a depression site and this site. Everyone else seems to have families and a job and a life. If I have a shower I contact the papers. I can cook but get about a third in oven heat up only. My flat is dirty and I am going to get a cleaner in for a spring clean because of this article. I get the idea a lot that my soul is so damaged and battered by my childhood abuse and no one else is this bad. I feel so good to hear about others struggling to just survive. That is not to dismiss your pain. I agree with the idea of simplifying. I wear sweatpants and to a wash about once a month. I bought lots of underpants to do this. I wash up about 2 weekly occassionaly washing a plate to eat off. I shop twice a week at 11pm to avoid crowds. Thanks again for making me feel less alone.


Glenn