Totally Lost My Ability To Look After Myself

[mamachick]

I can relate most to diggers description. Mt health has steadily worsened no matter what I do, well I am getting steadily older…duh

I just cant deal with stuff. I have stuff I cant find. Stuff is in my way. My house has suffered, my hygiene (most embarrasing to admit), but somedays I dont brush my teeth and I often just quit showering. Those are things I put on my small list to do. I rarely get dressed and leave the house. My ex started staying at the house because I was so underweight I passed out a lot. I got to under 90 pounds. He stays in another room and gives me meds and food. Sounds like I am so damn lazy and I have never been a lazy person. Been hospitalized and dehydrated. Doh hair everywhere. They are my best friends and hang with me in my bedroom.

Just dont let it get as bad as me. Treat yourself better. Ironically, I do try to go and feed homeless once a week but often miss lately.

I know I have lost all hope.

 

[NatBird]

I do on here. ;)

:)

 

[Deleted member 33052]

Hey, Nat. I am finding this thread reassuring, as I'm at my lowest point in self-care I've ever been in. It's a relief to know that I'm not alone. It's strange, though, I can't get myself moving, can't get off the bed, but if by chance I do manage to start working on something, I can't stop. Nine hours straight weeding the yard, or whatever. That might be the adhd, but I don't know. For the most part, I consider it a good day if I've managed to brush my teeth and take my dirty dishes to the kitchen.

I have had to do what @digger has suggested, and break every task into tiny little tasks, generally only taking a minute or two to complete. This is one of the quests I have in superbetter, which I call, *when every step feels like a mile*. Because of the ally system there, I'm more motivated to make the effort than I would normally be. Some days, though, I just don't give a crap. :p

 

[NatBird]

The whole self care thing is bizarre for me.
I've been up free writing, movement meditation, bath and check in here before therapy assessment, might manage breakfast before I head out, then meeting aquaintance later. Sounds pretty good right?

Then there's wearing the same clothes, the kitchen of rotting food and spores, the sweat ridden filthy duvet I sleep on, that I'll scrape what's left of the toothpaste as a superficial gesture towards appearance.

This high contrast makes me feel nuts!
It feels a bit like the double life of the 'family' home - rot on the inside, decent appearance on outside. Although, I can't even claim to have the latter or an attempt. Nor do I engage in my spiritual practices to keep up appearance. Yet I feel this high contrast and it makes me feel nuts and totally shows how disintergrated I am, how disembodied I am at this time. Sad:(

 

[Deleted member 33052]

@NatBird :hug: I know they're just words, but it will get better!

 

[Sandstone]

How did the assessment go?

 

[NatBird]

@NatBird :hug: I know they're just words, but it will get better!...

@Mal Content thanks:)

 

[quadratus]

Hello
Just wondered if anyone else had gone through this process and what helped you to move through it...

yes!, I too live in a big mess. Cleaning up and straightening requires decisions I can't make (regardless of how small), and that makes me feel even more inferior, on top of guilt and shame already there. I have learned confusion and indecision is part of trauma. Try not to beat yourself up. What i have done recent is fold my sweatshirt. [I wear the same sweatshirt every day.] I have started folding when i take it off, for shower, or whatever. That helps me feel i have some order in my life. I have expanded to sorting one spot in the living room, just pushing everything else aside. Then i have one spot to look at that is orderly, and a feeling of accomplishment. Be kind to yourself. Try not to compare yourself to normal people. You are not weak and you are not inferior. You are (temporarily) injured. Try to be as gentle with yourself as you would a small child. Make the goals for yourself very small, and it you fail, make the goal smaller- and try again tomorrow.

 

[quadratus]

yes!, I too live in a big mess. Cleaning up and straightening requires decisions I can't make (reg...

I thought more of "folding my sweatshirt" today, focusing on the neatness of it all folded, how orderly it is. Another thing that helps is sensing the texture of the cloth with my hands, and "staying there", focusing on sensation. This comes from SE (somatic experiencing) trauma therapy. An exercise i am instructed to do is sensing textures with my feet, but i can extend this to sensing anything i choose, with the goal of correcting "dissociation". I found it is comforting and "down regulating" to place the sweatshirt on my face, and feel the softness. [I have had a lot of pain and am scared of (all) sensation.] Then I move the sweatshirt to the chest pulling it into the chest and hold it there, comforting myself, imagining i am a little body again, when things were ok. Then i don't care if the house is a mess or not. I'm ok, if just for a moment.

 

[NatBird]

I thought more of "folding my sweatshirt" today, focusing on the neatness of it all folded, how or...

@john abshire thank you for sharing that. I will try that as I'm struggling with dissociation myself at the moment. Well I think that's what it is! Although last time I done an SE activity I went into flashback:(

Today I did f all in my flat. Tomorrow I will negotiate a fee with the decorator. Then the heat will be on to clean the place up. The plan is to do the basics then hire a cleaner for the deep stuff. I really want to give this to myself for my birthday which is soon!

 

[NatBird]

@sun seeker @BlueOrange @lostforgottensoul @corvidae @digger @brat17 @Changeling @Sandstone @Mal Content

How's coping with 'life admin' been this week?
I'e done sweet FA in my flat!

Apologies if I forgot to tag anyone.

 

[Gadgie]

I'm the opposite, I just can't sit down and relax in a room if it's in a mess? No matter how much pain I have in my back, or how tired I feel, I just have to tidy it up, before I can relax.

I think this comes form my days in the Navy, where we had to be tidy, as there was no room on the mess to leave stuff laying around.

If you did, it was put in the "Scran Bag," and you had to buy it back at the end of the week, the money went into the mess funds, which we used like a bank.

Or it could be because the bedroom I had as a kid was smaller than a prison cell, it was only 10 feet long by 6 feet wide, so there was no space to leave things laying around.