I
Isog
Hi there,
I am new to this, and I hope this is the right place for this. If not, I do apologize. So, I will do my best to make a long story short. Two months and x days ago I met this guy. We went out on a date and we had both already decided if anything was going to continue ground rules were to be completely open and honest no matter what. (Even if you thought it was something the other person wouldn't want to hear or would upset them.) I do my best to follow this because from previous experience if you don't share how you are feeling about something it festers and nothing good comes from that. Its better to have things out in the open. So, on our first date he was very open and honest and told me he had PTSD and ADHD. Never having been exposed to or dealing with real ptsd (not the TV kind) I was like... Flashbacks and nightmares, I can handle that. Boy, I now know that was very simplistic and niave. PTSD is so complex, adding adult ADHD (again the true kind of ADHD) complex is an understatement. So, we very very rapidly entered into a bf/gf relationship and things moved very quickly. Around week 4, he began changing, and I could tell, but he didn't know. We started having some problems, I tried to be understanding. At that point, I kinda freaked. With all the things we already had going on I desperately needed some help. I needed to understand PTSD. I did the typical and asked for relationship advice from close friends, but they didn't really understand. They thought it was just manipulative behavior..At that time I decided it would be best if I could learn anything and everything about the two (adult ADHD and PTSD). .Honestly, it was here that I found the most useful information. All the "informational" websites were so vague, and PTSD is very individual in the fact that it looks so incredibly different for a lot of people with some basic similarities. Things continued to be rough. Not bad, no major issues, just rough. I started seeing that yes, he really did love me and wanted to be with me. He started telling me that he didn't know if he was ready for a relationship. He didn't think he could give me what I was giving or how much I was giving him. He told me that he felt like he couldn't keep up with life. Work, kids, and the ptsd and ADHD, and that a relationship was something else he couldn't keep up with. That he felt like he couldn't keep up with life. A few days ago he text and said he was afraid if we broke up so he could work on himself he was afraid I would shut him out and not give him another chance. I can tell that he loves me, he means it. We broke up a few days ago because he said he wanted time to work on himself. The night we broke up I asked him multiple times if we could just stay together and spend less time together. He said he needed to be strong in this, that it was hard for him too. He wasn't comfortable with the needs and desires I would be sacrificing to be in a relationship with him. He blew up on me the morning after we broke up. He later apologized. He texts me and says he love is sorry for hurting me, he misses me, he still loves me, he hasn't given up on a future between us. I truly truly believe that we do love each other. The good times we had together were truly amazing. Fundamentally we are a lot alike. I also realize after some time and a good conversation we had just before breaking up that a lot of our problems truly were due to his ptsd and ADHD. This forum helped me find some answers while I was in the middle of it. I am here now I guess looking for advice and knowledge. While I am here I hope to gain some good insight into PTSD. The real daily ins and outs of life with a loved one who has ptsd for if we get back together. Even though we aren't together I still want to help and support him, I just don't really know how I guess. At this point I don't know what I should do. I need some advice. If I need to give more details about things I can, but I had a feeling this would be a really long post anyway. Sorry it was so long. Thank you for your time.
I am new to this, and I hope this is the right place for this. If not, I do apologize. So, I will do my best to make a long story short. Two months and x days ago I met this guy. We went out on a date and we had both already decided if anything was going to continue ground rules were to be completely open and honest no matter what. (Even if you thought it was something the other person wouldn't want to hear or would upset them.) I do my best to follow this because from previous experience if you don't share how you are feeling about something it festers and nothing good comes from that. Its better to have things out in the open. So, on our first date he was very open and honest and told me he had PTSD and ADHD. Never having been exposed to or dealing with real ptsd (not the TV kind) I was like... Flashbacks and nightmares, I can handle that. Boy, I now know that was very simplistic and niave. PTSD is so complex, adding adult ADHD (again the true kind of ADHD) complex is an understatement. So, we very very rapidly entered into a bf/gf relationship and things moved very quickly. Around week 4, he began changing, and I could tell, but he didn't know. We started having some problems, I tried to be understanding. At that point, I kinda freaked. With all the things we already had going on I desperately needed some help. I needed to understand PTSD. I did the typical and asked for relationship advice from close friends, but they didn't really understand. They thought it was just manipulative behavior..At that time I decided it would be best if I could learn anything and everything about the two (adult ADHD and PTSD). .Honestly, it was here that I found the most useful information. All the "informational" websites were so vague, and PTSD is very individual in the fact that it looks so incredibly different for a lot of people with some basic similarities. Things continued to be rough. Not bad, no major issues, just rough. I started seeing that yes, he really did love me and wanted to be with me. He started telling me that he didn't know if he was ready for a relationship. He didn't think he could give me what I was giving or how much I was giving him. He told me that he felt like he couldn't keep up with life. Work, kids, and the ptsd and ADHD, and that a relationship was something else he couldn't keep up with. That he felt like he couldn't keep up with life. A few days ago he text and said he was afraid if we broke up so he could work on himself he was afraid I would shut him out and not give him another chance. I can tell that he loves me, he means it. We broke up a few days ago because he said he wanted time to work on himself. The night we broke up I asked him multiple times if we could just stay together and spend less time together. He said he needed to be strong in this, that it was hard for him too. He wasn't comfortable with the needs and desires I would be sacrificing to be in a relationship with him. He blew up on me the morning after we broke up. He later apologized. He texts me and says he love is sorry for hurting me, he misses me, he still loves me, he hasn't given up on a future between us. I truly truly believe that we do love each other. The good times we had together were truly amazing. Fundamentally we are a lot alike. I also realize after some time and a good conversation we had just before breaking up that a lot of our problems truly were due to his ptsd and ADHD. This forum helped me find some answers while I was in the middle of it. I am here now I guess looking for advice and knowledge. While I am here I hope to gain some good insight into PTSD. The real daily ins and outs of life with a loved one who has ptsd for if we get back together. Even though we aren't together I still want to help and support him, I just don't really know how I guess. At this point I don't know what I should do. I need some advice. If I need to give more details about things I can, but I had a feeling this would be a really long post anyway. Sorry it was so long. Thank you for your time.
