Sufferer Trafficked, Raped And Still Fighting To Cope

[nycpeach1]

My name is Sarah and I was sexually trafficked for two years (16 -17 years-old), which I've blocked out. I escaped by running; luckily, I lived. I have a history of abuse, raped the first time at 5 and I don't know how many times after. I got to therapy every week, see a psychologist monthly, and am on disability.

Now, I'm 43 and it isn't better. I keep fighting because I want that time back. How can I trust anyone when life has proven it isn't wise? How do I even think about a relationship when:

• the idea someone excepting what happened is slim, and
• my choices seem to get me hurt

I hate not working (my night terrors prevent it) and am getting increasingly claustrophobic. Has this happened to anyone else?

Additionally, I've become the victim of a stalker and the police aren't taking it seriously because of my mental health issues. There are mountains of evidence and a arrest warrant out, but nothing has been done. This is a person who planted a hidden video camera in my bedroom, hacked my emails and cell phone and turned them into devices that were able to record calls, messages, emails, texts and have the video camera accessed at any time without my knowledge.

I can't afford an attorney, the person doing this has political connections and I've recently been told the DA has no interest in reviewing the evidence.

Can anyone offer me advice? This is still happening and it's been 7 months since the arrest warrant was issued.

Any suggestions/advice would be much appreciated.

Warm Regards,
Sarah

 

[RussH]

Hi Sarah,
First welcome to the forum. You will find a lot of great people here, and hopefully someone will have some solid ideas on what you can do.

Have you looked for any kind of woman's groups / support groups in your area? If there are some, then perhaps you can ask them about your stalker, and they may have ideas, or connections to get the police, and the DA to act.

I hope you are able to find a solution, because you certainly do not deserve this kind of harassment.

 

[Airedale 48]

Good morning NYC,
I don't share the same backround as you but I think the one thing we all carry is some sort of trauma and the other symptems that go along with it.
I can certainly relate to work. I've been on disability for forever. I hate it and I want to be able to venture out into the world.
Sometimes it can seem impossible to get better. I only signed up for this group yesterday and I have to say that instead of the judgement or even inane sort of platitudes that we ( or maybe just I) always get, it was so nice to recieve nothing but kindness and caring.
The only advice that I was given is to go through the vault. I'm starting that as well.
I believe that this forum will be a great help.

 

[Justmehere]

You could try contacting the victim advocate in the police station, DA's office or a women's shelter. They all have things they can do to keep you safer. I'm so sorry you are going through this.

 

[circe47]

I have a similar background. Not trafficked, but all the other stuff. I am on SSDI and sometimes I miss working too. Fortunately, I keep myself busy learning different skills that could translate into a work from home or freelance situation. It helps that I have high speed internet and know how to WikiHow anything I want to learn.

By way of tutorials online, I have taught myself Photoshop, Adobe Illustrator, Excel, Power Point, etc. I still need a lot of practice, but practicing keeps me busy and focused on creativity rather than negativity. Writing is also rewarding, as well as being an active participant on forums that speak to my interests. I also write my own blog. These are all things you can do to keep your mind occupied on other things besides the PTSD stuff. I have been trying for the last 10+ years to write a book. Even if I never get published, reading and writing are fun for me so I spend a lot of time doing these things. My latest attempt at a novel seems promising----I finally have the "Aha!" feeling that I never had with any other attempt.

Another thing that I do is carry three weapons on my person at all times. I have a cane, a pocket knife, and a stunner that drops any potential threat, as well as has two spikes on the top that can puncture and rip a jugular out with a single swipe. Next I want a compact cross bow and a Katana.:ninja::ninja::ninja: These items give me a measure of security and allow me to engage in necessary activities like grocery shopping, physical therapy, doctor's appointments and the like. Other than those activities, I don't need anyone else in my life except for my family. They are all the friends and socializing that I need. I don't give two cents about making friends face to face with anyone. My life is not and has never been average, so I don't feel that I have a lot in common with the average person.

I also understand the need for a mate, if that's what you feel you are missing out on. Having someone to hold onto during the night is unfathomable to me, so I get the emotional need of that. As someone suggested, perhaps there are support groups you can attend. I know of people who have met friends and lovers this way. Just take your time and do not rush any type of interpersonal relationship. Observe the other person's behavior for clues, while still engaging in a social scenario. There are some really great people out there, but, you want to take a lot of time in deciding to let them in or not. Anyone that pushes for more than you are ready to give needs to go because nothing good ever comes easy or fast.

 

[intothelight]

Welcome to the forum!

 

[joeylittle]

Sarah, welcome to the forum.