Sufferer Trauma bonded to avoidant

[Fatcat]

Hello I have been dating a fearful avoidant on off for two years. I have been left so many times, all the usual excuses. He comes back love bombs me and I give in. I love this other person, this attentive love bomber. I have read so much about avoidant behaviour, have done everything, space and understanding, to be honest I have forgotten myself. I was always in a state of anxiety trying to judge his moods responding in the way I should. I stopped 6 days ago. Explained I needed to get off the loop, it was hurting me so much. I do not want to make up, but was so upset to his response to my message. Good morning, hope you slept well, goodnight and it was my mums birthday today, she passed away a year ago. I think maybe I was trauma bonded, I don’t know, I am lost, no self esteem just done

 

[Sideways]

Welcome to the forum:)

That relationship sounds exhausting! Well done for prioritising your own needs

 

[thendo86]

Hello I have been dating a fearful avoidant on off for two years. I have been left so many times, all the usual excuses. He comes back love bombs me and I give in. I love this other person, this attentive love bomber. I have read so much about avoidant behaviour, have done everything, space and understanding, to be honest I have forgotten myself. I was always in a state of anxiety trying to judge his moods responding in the way I should. I stopped 6 days ago. Explained I needed to get off the loop, it was hurting me so much. I do not want to make up, but was so upset to his response to my message. Good morning, hope you slept well, goodnight and it was my mums birthday today, she passed away a year ago. I think maybe I was trauma bonded, I don’t know, I am lost, no self esteem just done

Yes, as Sideways said it sounds exhausting. But they are also playing on emotion and your vulnerability - guilt tripping. This can wear you down emotionally and physically. You seem self aware which is good and already made first step. His issues aren't yours, don't be held ransom to them. You're not lost, just exhausting relationship, you will bounce back, give it time do what you want and become better than before. I think we all suffer after a relationship, have the wind knocked out of us, feel defeated. Now focus on you and watch those red flags in the future.