Trauma From Childhood, How Many Have Ended Up With Abusive Partners?

[Queen Boudica]

That's my story, traumatic childhood, mainly caused by an abusive mother. Ending up marrying an abusive, controlling man.

How many are in the same situation as me? From reading this forum, it looks like quite a lot.

And I am only waking up to it after 25 years of marriage.

 

[cat]

Yes that's me too Lizio.

Traumatic childhood, father with ptsd who was my rock & a mother who never validated me.
At 20 a married a man i thought the sun shone out of, but after the wedding i discovered he was dull, immature, controlling & a liar. By the time we'd been married 30yrs he'd become abusive both physically & mentally towards me & i divorced him. Two years later i was diagnosed with PTSD. It's a shame I cant divorce that too!

 

[intothelight]

Hi Lizio,

Same here. An abusive mother and then married an abusive man. You are correct there are many of us with similar histories, but the important thing is we are here working on getting better and not repeating the cycle.

Cat, I so agree with divorcing the PTSD ;).

Debbie

 

[anthony]

Moved from complex trauma forum, as this is not about complex trauma. The complex trauma forum is for the discussion of complex trauma itself and its surrounding specifics, NOT for those with complex trauma to post everything and anything within.

 

[Queen Boudica]

Moved from complex trauma forum, as this is not about complex trauma. The complex trauma forum is for the discussion of complex trauma itself and its surrounding specifics, NOT for those with complex trauma to post everything and anything within.

I'm afraid I agree with Amy. You may not realise this but reading your post just made me feel like shit. My problem I know because I have complex trauma.

Don't think I am really in a state to differentiate the difference between discussing complex trauma itself and its specifics or posting everything and everything within. Didn't realise I was doing that. Never mind, all part of the joys of my wonderful life

 

[anthony]

Complex trauma forum is now removed... null and void to avoid further issues.

 

[Queen Boudica]

It's a shame I cant divorce that too!

Yes it is a real shame.

I wish I could just "null and void" my complex trauma.

But, yes, at least we can try to make it better.

 

[Sethe]

YES!

I married an emotionally abusive, controlling sex addict of all things! I think he was a tad on the misogynistic side as well (sarcasm). He left me after some pretty bad mind games and it took me some time to realize that he was actually doing me a favor.

I then dated more sex addicts and one guy with major anger issues.

This all makes sense to me considering my family of origin.

I am currently with a bf who is 'safe.' I met him as I was moving into a healthier place in my life with a great T. He is a healthy partner- a concept that is rather new to me and I'm still adjusting after several years (going on 4).

 

[Queen Boudica]

YES!

I am currently with a bf who is 'safe.' I met him as I was moving into a healthier place in my life with a great T. He is a healthy partner- a concept that is rather new to me and I'm still adjusting after several years (going on 4).

Well done Sethe, sounds like you are in a really good place.

 

[Kim]

I too married an abusive man. As sad as it is I think we get into these relationships because they feel "safe" to us. We're so used to being abused that to be treated any other way causes us anxiety and a great deal of stress, not to mention the distrust we have of people who treat us well. In my case if someone was nice to me it was because they wanted something.

I'm happy to say that I am now with a man who treats me well. He's my best friend, cheerleader and biggest supporter. It took me a long time to get used to being treated well. It wasn't an overnight thing. I still have a hard time accepting help from him and there's always that question in the back of my mind wondering when he's going to leave. We've been together for almost 20 years now and it's still a struggle for me at times. It's a struggle that I'm hoping I keep winning.

 

[The Albatross]

I married a violent abusive man who was also had sexual sadistic tendencies... got rid of him, and married my partner who has passive aggressive tendencies but is not physically, or sexually abusive. 50% better... we're in joint therapy and working through the other 50%.

 

[jomac]

Yep, I did. Big sigh. Mental abuse is just as heinous as physical in my experience. It's a shame that damaged children who grow up into low self esteem adults are magnets for abusers when we what we really need is healthy.
J