Trauma therapy is exhausting. But I'm doing it because I want.... (fill in the blank)

[IamFree]

I experienced a lot of greif around this as I had to think quite hard about why am I doing it and a lot of it seemed to be about doing it for other peoples sakes a lot of I should do it for them and to help them which is all well and good but I am finding it hard to understand why I would do it for my self.

 

[Lionheart]

I did it because I was literally in a fight for my life and my sanity.

 

[IamFree]

Really got me this topic and has required a lot of soul searching on my part. This is exhausting anyway without doing it all just for the sake of others and I have realised It will be a whole lot easier to learn how to do it for myself instead of it coming from a place of rescuing and people pleasing and then getting all angry when the validation is not forthcoming, so I remember when I was in my fathers house I found a picture of my self as a child with much regret now I threw it in the bin as I just though it was the saddest thing I ever saw and I never wanted to see it again. I wish I still had it now as I would look at it now and I would say I will do this for you...of course at least I remember the child in the photograph and its not just a picture that child is inside of me and has not been taken good care of for a long time..this is were it ends.

 

[Deleted member 47099]

@IamFree :hug:

 

[frogthroat]

I think before I started therapy I realized that I wasn't living a life and that I was brought up by two deeply disturbed people who had victim mentalities they never would fix and thus passed on.
I literally was raised to be a victim and the thought of not taking personal responsibility for anything makes me cringe. Relearning how to act and how to effectively handle struggles is a huge priority to me.
I think I use my independence and impatience with myself regarding emotional regulation as a defense mechanism. I can't let people in because I don't want anyone to see what I don't like about myself which is that I'm deeply hurt and I've let people hurt me.
I 100% don't want to be that person that is like "Well I can't do this because (insert trauma here)" but I'm also at a point where I know I can't be a cowboy and I have to express emotions and have relationships.
Trauma therapy is good for that. I also do a women's group where I make myself talk even though I feel ashamed for anything I say. Trauma therapy is worth it for
Learning emotional regulation
Learning trauma is no longer an important factor in my current life
Learning I need love and socialization
Learning that I'm not my parents
Learning that there was nothing about me that made me bad or deserving of abuse
Learning that I choose to live my best life
It's hard and it takes time but there's been nothing but positive from therapy. I even needed a stay in the psychward for a week to snap my ass out of my deep depression and continue growing. All the bad from therapy was really for good.

 

[InsertCoinsHere]

I just want to feel like myself and I’ll do anything to get back there. To feel the ability to be vulnerable and truly intimate with others would be amazing for myself. I can’t continue to live in isolation and alienation.. I don’t feel I’m living.

This is why I go to therapy and wake up each morning to face my fears.. because I want myself back and I won’t stop until I feel whole again. I’ve accepted I might be recovering my whole life but I’m going face all my fears as I know I deserve.. though I may not feel like it, ultimately I believe everyone deserves to be themselves... call it freedom, call it authenticity, call it the ‘self’.. I’ll get it back whatever it takes.

 

[RunForever]

I keep seeing "normal" at the end of treatment which I'm learning isn't the case.
Acceptance
Peace
Not living in fear
Manage anger aND express it
To cry when I feel the need

 

[PTSDGuy]

I want to finally stop letting what my family did to me as a kid take over my life.

I want to finally TRULY forgive myself - at an emotional level - not just intellectually.

I want to be able to drive to work every day and not be filled with road rage. (I'm in L.A., maybe that one's just a dream!)

 

[DharmaGirl]

I want to live.

 

[shatter eyes]

I want to live.

Same here....
Is DBT trauma therapy? Its very different from my trauma counselor.

 

[DharmaGirl]

I don't know but I know it helps a LOT! At least it did for me!

 

[Mach123]

I tried everything else. I'm sure that's not true. What else is there? I'm not going back on pills. (I hope). I know this guy and he did sweat lodges and just about everything else and he sits at AA meetings 35 years later. I knew I didn't want that. So I sit in front of the therapist. I lie on the couch actually. Now the real reason. She helped me get in touch with me because I couldn't do it alone. I tried to kill myself passively. I tried to get other people's help. I'm not aggressive enough to accomplish a thing like that by myself. The therapist knows about that she saw it in me right away and she won't participate she helps me to get better instead. I need that.