Trauma therapy is exhausting. But I'm doing it because I want.... (fill in the blank)

[NightSky]

This thread brought tears to my eyes. So many earnest, thoughtful, REASONABLE desires we have for our lives. So many of them about other people, even. Our friends, our spouses, our children, our families. It strikes me that even though trauma can cause so many difficulties for us, it also means we have more insight and empathy than we might otherwise have.
I hope to one day be able to show my husband of 17 years affection. I hope to raise my three young kids to be securely attached and emotionally intelligent. I want to be present with people, and to stop feeling frozen on the inside while my outside carries on “successfully” at work and in relationships.
I want so many things. And cannot imagine a day when I’ll feel done with therapy. Three years in and i feel like I mostly trust my T and I almost feel present in the room with her, and I’m noticing patterns and starting to have the slightest ability to trust myself and have a little self compassion. I feel like I’ve barely scratched the surface. And it has been so much hard work. My hope is to always be moving toward healing and wholeness, even if the steps are miniscule.

 

[Stephani8o]

Right now I would say to find my own value and that I am worthy no matter what.

 

[Missing Mermaid]

Great topic and I actually been thinking about this. I want to get my shit together and be a productive adult, be present when I parent and able to absorb and enjoy the little moments. I want to know which “parts” are actually me. I have some hobbies I love and I wonder what I could do in these areas if I could put the energy I use dealing with symptoms toward these things. I am starting to think I could maybe be really decent at them. No more nightmares or flashbacks would be flipping awesome. I want to take killing myself off the table as a plan B. I don’t want to need a plan B.

 

[shimmerz]

The freedom to choose what I want to do with my life.

 

[New]

Great question.

I’m doing it for my spouse and daughter. They deserve better.

I want them to feel like I fought really hard and didn’t give up (which I am). I want them to be proud of me.

I don’t know how long it’s going to take but one day things will be better. I believe that for all of us.

 

[Starfire]

Long list but not goals I set. Things that have happened on the road that I never would have dreamed could have happened. Loss of anxiety & panic attacks. Now when I feel anxious I pay attention & deal with it. No longer overpowering. Acceptance..of what happened to me. No denial, no wishing it away, no embarrassment, no hiding from it. No longer trying to conform to others standards, ideas, behaviors. I am what I am. Ability to set nontherapy goals in life & work for them. Just being comfortable day to day. Not all of these are where I'd ideally want them. But I can look back & see how bad they were, how much better they are, & believe life will only get better!

 

[Harmonics]

I am doing trauma therapy because I want my life back. I have given up so much of it because of the years of trauma and the ensuing years of trying to act like it didn't exist. Therapy isn't for wimps, and trauma therapy especially isn't for wimps. It feels like the hardest work of my life. I have come a long way from the person barely surviving on disability to graduating with an associates degree, a bachelors degree, and now in school for my masters while working full time. I even bought a house this year, a place that is all mine. I have a long way to go. I still try to run from flashbacks instead of finding out what they want me to know. Sometimes, I can't figure out tools to calm down when I get freaked out from being triggered. But I am doing well with school and my job, and twice weekly therapy sessions are allowing me to keep functioning. One day, I want to be able to say that I am living my life instead of trying to hang on.

 

[Changing4Best]

... be less the affect of my past and more able to face my future.

 

[ILoveLife]

Uhm.. sweaty muscular men? Yep, the whole reason why I'm doing this :roflmao:

 

[Deleted member 47099]

Uhm.. sweaty muscular men? Yep, the whole reason why I'm doing this :roflmao:

I assume you mean the slightly weird photo that this thread got in the banner? I've written a "Contact Us" to see if we can get another photo for it with... less sweat and stuff. :p

 

[ILoveLife]

Yes. You assumed correctly, ma'am. :D

 

[Emotional girl]

This is a great thread and question.
I put myself through this because I need to find out who I really am as a person.
I need to understand what happened to me when I was 5 years old and how it has a impacted on every single part of my life and how it has shaped me.
I need to do this to understand why I get so attached to certain people and then I push them away.
Why I find any kind of relationships hard.
I need to understand why I am feeling suicidal every day and why I S/H every day.
I am at a fork in my life where I give up totally or I try to move forward.