Hello,
I'm really glad I found this site and maybe by posting a little bit about my experiences, it may help with my panic disorder and the symptoms I am currently experiencing at the moment.
When I was 5 years old, I witnessed my maternal Grandmother fall and break her wrist. My parents were there with me but when the ambulance came I started screaming and crying because I could not handle the chaos and uncertainty. My grandma ended up being fine after a few days in the hospital and came home with a cast on her wrist. Her wrist healed nicely.
A little over a year later, I was being watched by Grandparents since it was summertime and school was out. I spent most of my time there as both of my parents worked full time jobs. My maternal Grandfather ended up having a stroke while I was there. This was an extremely traumatic event. For some reason, my Grandparents did not call an ambulance, but instead my Grandmother drove him to his PCP. They in turn called an ambulance. Luckily, he survived although he lost most of his sight in one eye. After this second traumatic event, I started experiencing anxiety every time I went over their house which was pretty much everyday. Even when school started up again, I would be dropped off at there house at the end of the school day. This is when the clock watching started, the counting down hours until one of my parents came to pick me up. Also, I started having to continuously talk to my Grandfather as to judge how he was feeling, this made me feel safe. The only other time I felt safe during my visits was when he was taking a nap and I could hear him snoring. This relieved some anxiety.
About 2 years later, I was dropped off at my Grandparents house by the bus. I walked in to my Grandmother having a heart attack. This was even more scary for me as my Grandmother been healthier than my Grandfather. My aunt came over and called 911.
Over the span of my childhood, my paternal Grandmother had many ailments and it was always hit or miss when I went over her house. Some days she felt good, others not so much so again I was dealing with uncertainty which caused major anxiety.
During both the heart attack and the stroke, as well as my paternal Grandmother's various illnesses, vomiting was involved. I have struggled with this phobia for most of my life, with it even carrying over to school when classmates would vomit. Through years of therapy, I have come to the conclusion that my phobia is directly related to these traumatic events.
Unfortunately, my maternal Grandfather and paternal Grandfather have both passed away. I don't see my maternal Grandmother anymore due to the fact that I don't speak to that side of the family (long story). But recently I have fallen on hard financial times and had no where to go except my paternal Grandfathers home. I am on edge everyday thinking I will witness another one of these traumatic events. I am writing this tonight because I heard him vomiting and have heard him off and on for the past week.
I am at the end of my rope. I cannot handle seeing another person in my family have a serious illness in front of me, even now at 26 years old. I know it may sound selfish because they are the ones truly suffering. I try my best to avoid any situations in the house that may be uncomfortable to me. For instance, I have my headphones on and I am listening to white noise. I have also taken my anti anxiety medication but none of this seems to be helping. The hyper vigilance is truly taking its told on me.
Has anyone else experienced trauma from witnessing a family member getting seriously ill or hurt in front you as a child?
I'm really glad I found this site and maybe by posting a little bit about my experiences, it may help with my panic disorder and the symptoms I am currently experiencing at the moment.
When I was 5 years old, I witnessed my maternal Grandmother fall and break her wrist. My parents were there with me but when the ambulance came I started screaming and crying because I could not handle the chaos and uncertainty. My grandma ended up being fine after a few days in the hospital and came home with a cast on her wrist. Her wrist healed nicely.
A little over a year later, I was being watched by Grandparents since it was summertime and school was out. I spent most of my time there as both of my parents worked full time jobs. My maternal Grandfather ended up having a stroke while I was there. This was an extremely traumatic event. For some reason, my Grandparents did not call an ambulance, but instead my Grandmother drove him to his PCP. They in turn called an ambulance. Luckily, he survived although he lost most of his sight in one eye. After this second traumatic event, I started experiencing anxiety every time I went over their house which was pretty much everyday. Even when school started up again, I would be dropped off at there house at the end of the school day. This is when the clock watching started, the counting down hours until one of my parents came to pick me up. Also, I started having to continuously talk to my Grandfather as to judge how he was feeling, this made me feel safe. The only other time I felt safe during my visits was when he was taking a nap and I could hear him snoring. This relieved some anxiety.
About 2 years later, I was dropped off at my Grandparents house by the bus. I walked in to my Grandmother having a heart attack. This was even more scary for me as my Grandmother been healthier than my Grandfather. My aunt came over and called 911.
Over the span of my childhood, my paternal Grandmother had many ailments and it was always hit or miss when I went over her house. Some days she felt good, others not so much so again I was dealing with uncertainty which caused major anxiety.
During both the heart attack and the stroke, as well as my paternal Grandmother's various illnesses, vomiting was involved. I have struggled with this phobia for most of my life, with it even carrying over to school when classmates would vomit. Through years of therapy, I have come to the conclusion that my phobia is directly related to these traumatic events.
Unfortunately, my maternal Grandfather and paternal Grandfather have both passed away. I don't see my maternal Grandmother anymore due to the fact that I don't speak to that side of the family (long story). But recently I have fallen on hard financial times and had no where to go except my paternal Grandfathers home. I am on edge everyday thinking I will witness another one of these traumatic events. I am writing this tonight because I heard him vomiting and have heard him off and on for the past week.
I am at the end of my rope. I cannot handle seeing another person in my family have a serious illness in front of me, even now at 26 years old. I know it may sound selfish because they are the ones truly suffering. I try my best to avoid any situations in the house that may be uncomfortable to me. For instance, I have my headphones on and I am listening to white noise. I have also taken my anti anxiety medication but none of this seems to be helping. The hyper vigilance is truly taking its told on me.
Has anyone else experienced trauma from witnessing a family member getting seriously ill or hurt in front you as a child?
