Travelling Trauma

[darrenS]

Oh boy off to Australia tommorow to see family , with everything that has been going on , i would pay anything to avoid it , im having enough trouble with flashbacks after i ended my marriage and now its step into trauma central , i love my family but like any family they have their dysfunctionality and i copped the brunt of it

Oh well , can only grin and bear

 

[littlelostchild]

If I had to stay with family in another country, I'd probably lose it.

Can you do things to protect your boundaries? Take time away from them? Grinning can be easier with breaks. :)

 

[Underdog]

I have a difficult family myself, so I kinda get this. Years ago I had to learn how to control what I would and would not accept and tell them my own rules if we were going to continue any sort of meaningful relationship. Have you thought about the rules you need to maintain your own sanity in the family dynamic? Can you possibly express them in a meaningful and unbiased way? Overall, just remember you always have the power to not respond and to walk away if you need to. They don't control you, and setting boundaries with them can be truly helpful. My heart goes out to you and I hope things work out well!

 

[darrenS]

Thanks underdog , its sort of hard to avoid as they all seem to have issues flying abundant at the moment , but i keep focused on the fact im taking my 12yr old daughter , and promised to take her to my old surfing spots , and as long as it dosent get too zero , we may try to get a surf in somewhere , and i will just concentrate on her and my older daughter (28) who lives there and have a good time with them. I have had boundary issues with others for years , but my mum is old and she is a good mom , she seems to understand more as she gets older as my father had ptsd through his life. I will work out some escape strategies.

 

[Underdog]

Escape strategies are surely good to have, but what I was suggesting was more personal relationship boundaries. I get it though. When everyone is together in the heat of the moment we all forget things, and sometimes boundaries included. For me, it was going to people individually and explaining those boundaries and what was expected if we were to continue a meaningful relationship. They crossed the line just last week, but I will be setting up those boundaries yet again with them.

From just my perspective, focusing on your kids is a truly strong diversion, but I wonder how long that "diversion" will truly last. I hate to be abrupt and rude here, so I hope you don't see this as such. My main concern here is what happens when your kids are grown and leading their own lives and no longer an available diversion from the deeper issues at hand. Again, not trying to be rude at all... Just my own experience stepping in and that was something I had to deal with myself, although the diversion were not having kids.

 

[darrenS]

if i had to live near them it would be very different , but i see them on average every 2 years , i understand that my kids will grow , and i always foster independence in them , so yes they will move on , i dont find any part of your response rude, you make good points and i find it easier to manage the relationship from a distance , although my ptsd does make things really difficult at times, i try my best to have several interests. I have many talents and do many things , sadly the only thing i cant do well is marriage. I am intherapy and can assure i do not shirk the issues , i just save my energy for the ones where i can make a difference and when i cant i find ways to just cope until i get down time. Again thanks for the response, your honesty is appreciated

 

[darrenS]

I came back from my travels and in all honesty it was a nitemare , not because of any family issues , but a consistent flow of emotional flashbacks . I became so debilitated i didnt want to get out of bed, i arrived extremely jet lagged and it persisted for a week and then i returned home. Home isnt much better , im going through a separation because of my ptsd and am in a strange city with no friends, i moved here eighteen mths ago and sadly went into a full blown ptsd episode which is only just starting to subside. I am in therapy but it is becoming tougher by the day. I need to make several changes to my life, but sometimes i become so overwhelmed, i just want to give up.
Being alone and lonely makes it so much harder , each day becomes a battle to stay afloat - i just need to vent -