Sufferer Treading Water

[moonwaves]

I live with my dog, alone. I am very isolated. I cannot afford a counselor, nor do I trust anyone. I also have no faith left in the US mental health system, after trying to get help for the past DECADE. I feel like my life is drifting through my fingers as I'm frozen in the background. Just really needing someone to talk to. I want to get through this! I feel at my core that there is still a glimmer of that positive, bubbly, life loving girl who was never allowed to evolve into a healthy happy woman. However I'm very frustrated with myself. Why can't I just do what needs to be done? Why can't I appreciate the life I've been given? Why do I feel like I'm in a constant dream state? Will I ever wake up? Will I ever grow/progress? Will I always hate the f*ck out of my fellow man? I had a longer intro typed but accidentally deleted it. So this is the best I can do in the haze of this moment. Also, my PTSD is from childhood abuse & neglect, multiple sexual assaults, domestic violence and rape.

And some positives:
Love animals
Love art
Love to sing
Love music
Love comedy
(ok I don't hate all people, just cannot stand the unending cruelty, greed and injustice created by humans.)

 

[scout86]

Welcome to the forum. I hope you can at least find people here who you can connect with.

 

[moonwaves]

Thank You!

 

[EveHarrington]

Welcome!

I think you're taking an important step in your recovery journey by joining this online support group.

 

[Jnean]

welcome I am so sorry for your pain. Seems you've suffered a lot. You are on a good site for it. So many can relate as do I. Life terrifies me often. I have been drowning myself in hobbies that are healthy and keep my brain busy. I also need my therapy or I don't know where I would be today. Sucks you can't afford it however it took me awhile with the trust thing to. Thanks for sharing.

 

[moonwaves]

Thanks so much for the kind words! I have been at the end of my rope lately and reading such things really helps. :)

 

[Friday]

Welcome to the community :)

 

[intothelight]

@moonwaves Welcome to the forum! :)

This site is a great place to start to connect with people as the members here really do understand the struggle. I hope you find it helpful.

 

[RavenGirl]

Welcome to the forum. I think you won't feel so alone as we are dealing with similar pasts. The people here are very kind and don't judge, we just support and try to help each other out. Look around and read what others have written, you'll find that we all have a lot in common. I hope you find this forum and these awesome people as helpful in your road to recovery as I have. :hug:'s if you'll accept. Raven

 

[Milo's papa]

@moonwaves,
Welcome to the forum. I'm positive you will find lots of support and people who really get it here. Look around at the different forum topics, find people who have had simular experiences, and just start talking to everyone you can.

It really makes a BIG difference when you realize you're not alone in your stuggles.

Take care, and if you ever have need of someone to unload on, i'm here for you.

 

[Grace12]

I live with my dog, alone. I am very isolated. I cannot afford a counselor, nor do I trust anyone. I a...

Moonwaves: Your profiles reminds me of myself, almost word for word. I am sorry your in that mush isolation. I can relate. I'm new here and this is my first post. thoughts for life to get better. Grace12

 

[Chimera]

Welcome moonwaves,
Your story also sounds much like mine, and I'm so sorry you have to feel this way...but you're here and this is a supportive place for people like us. Room for growth here..
I wish you well.