Sufferer Treatment resistant, Bipolar & PTSD

[SHERRYPOTENZA]

Hello, My name is Sherry and I suffer tremendously from my bipolar and PTSD. Being treatment resistant has been a fight that I'm still not giving up but it's been 18 years. I even tried ECT! Now I'm trying ketamine. I'm good for 2 maybe 3 weeks then all of a sudden, I'm stuck! I literally cannot get out of bed for a week or two. I have to shut my shades and not answer the door or my phone. It's like I'm paranoid. I can't go outside because I feel like people are looking at me and they know that I'm sick.
I'm missing out on life! I did 10 rounds of ketamine. It helped a little bit. I haven't gone in 2 months but I'm starting again tomorrow. I don't live. I just exist. I can't go to any functions, because I get so scared I can't leave the house.
I have no friends. I'm all by myself all the time and I suffer in silence because people just think I'm weird. They don't really understand what's going on in my brain. Please, if you can help me, guide me or share your story with me, I would greatly greatly appreciate it! Thank you! Sherry

 

[Riley Jones]

Hello, My name is Sherry and I suffer tremendously from my bipolar and PTSD. Being treatment resistant has been a fight that I'm still not giving up but it's been 18 years. I even tried ECT! Now I'm trying ketamine. I'm good for 2 maybe 3 weeks then all of a sudden, I'm stuck! I literally cannot get out of bed for a week or two. I have to shut my shades and not answer the door or my phone. It's like I'm paranoid. I can't go outside because I feel like people are looking at me and they know that I'm sick.
I'm missing out on life! I did 10 rounds of ketamine. It helped a little bit. I haven't gone in 2 months but I'm starting again tomorrow. I don't live. I just exist. I can't go to any functions, because I get so scared I can't leave the house.
I have no friends. I'm all by myself all the time and I suffer in silence because people just think I'm weird. They don't really understand what's going on in my brain. Please, if you can help me, guide me or share your story with me, I would greatly greatly appreciate it! Thank you! Sherry

Hello Sherry,

Thank you for sharing your story so openly and bravely. It's clear that you're going through an incredibly challenging time, and I want to emphasize how much strength it takes to face these battles repeatedly. Living with PTSD and bipolar disorder, especially when you feel treatment-resistant, can feel isolating and overwhelming, but please know you're not alone in this.

Many members of myptsd.com understand the feeling of being stuck and the isolation that mental health challenges can impose. Being unable to leave the house or connect with others is something that many of us can relate to on this journey.

The community at myptsd.com is filled with people who have gone through similar trials and who share their experiences, insights, and support. While it’s important to work with mental health professionals regarding your treatment options, connecting with others who truly understand can provide a sense of relief and camaraderie.

On the forums, you'll find sections dedicated to different aspects of PTSD and CPTSD, where you can share your experiences and receive advice and comfort from others. It might also help alleviate that sense of being misunderstood or that people see you as "weird," as you'll be talking with people who really get it.

Remember, your experiences and your journey are unique, but they are also understood here. You deserve support, friendship, and understanding, and to not feel alone in this battle. Reaching out, as you have done here, is a big step, and I encourage you to continue seeking both professional help and peer support.

Take gentle care, Sherry. You're doing the best you can, and that matters.

Warm regards,

Riley Jones

 

[Sideways]

Welcome to the forum, Sherry - hope you find the place helpful for your recovery:)

 

[Friday]

Aloha!

Whilst bipolar disorder is often misdiagnosed when one is dealing with untreated PTSD, Bipolar Disorder & ADHD share sooooooo many symptoms they’re considered “sister disorders”, and often the only way to tell if it’s bipolar or ADHD is to do a “coke test” or “stimulant test”. As stimulants soothe/clarify ADHD but kick bipolar folk into manias. Easily solved with a shot of STFU. Meanwhile (to oversimplify) bipolar meds + ADHD = antidepressants cause suicidal depression, mood stabiliser destabilise & dysregulate, and antipsychotics cause psychosis. <<< The premier mental health facility in my region spends at least one month, per year, PURELY detoxing people who’ve been misdiagnosed as both ADHD & Bipolar (chemically impossible) in order to correctly diagnose. Bipolar folk tend to stay another year (to fine tune the cocktail of antidepressants, mood stabilisers, & antipsychotics), ADHD folk are released almost immediately. ADHD + Trauma tend to stay 3-6mo in their trauma program.

If you’ve been diagnosed as “treatment resistant” bipolar+PTSD? DO look into ADHD+PTSD. Same symptoms, WILDLY different treatments.

ETA… Fair warning? IF you’re ADHD+PTSD, the standard stopgap/temporary meds for people new to PTSD? Also won’t work for you. ADHD only affects 4-6% of the population. So there’s not a lot of market value in finding meds that work that effect such a small percentage of the population. Stimulants, anti-anxiety, exercise, & adrenaline will be your only relief valves. And they’ll be insufficient. Treatment, however, you’ll only have to do once (people on meds, for PTSD, have to do it twice; once on meds, & once off. If meds don’t work for you? Hullo. That’s one & done. So it’s faster, in the long run, just harder).

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

Hello, My name is Sherry and I suffer tremendously from my bipolar and PTSD. Being treatment resistant has been a fight that I'm still not giving up but it's been 18 years. I even tried ECT! Now I'm trying ketamine. I'm good for 2 maybe 3 weeks then all of a sudden, I'm stuck! I literally cannot get out of bed for a week or two. I have to shut my shades and not answer the door or my phone. It's like I'm paranoid. I can't go outside because I feel like people are looking at me and they know that I'm sick.
I'm missing out on life! I did 10 rounds of ketamine. It helped a little bit. I haven't gone in 2 months but I'm starting again tomorrow. I don't live. I just exist. I can't go to any functions, because I get so scared I can't leave the house.
I have no friends. I'm all by myself all the time and I suffer in silence because people just think I'm weird. They don't really understand what's going on in my brain. Please, if you can help me, guide me or share your story with me, I would greatly greatly appreciate it! Thank you! Sherry

Welcome to the site! I am sorry for your struggles…it does get old. I isolate as well because it’s safe and most comfortable.

I have been on many antidepressants and finally had genetic testing, which gave them insight into what medications would work best. Has that been done?

I relate to a lot of what you said and hope you’ll find help here as I have.
AKJ

 

[arfie]

hello sherry. welcome to the forum. sorry for what brings you here, but glad you are here.

my first psychotherapy appointment was in 1972, more than 20 years before the ptsd diagnosis was officialized. the treatment i was resistant to was guesswork, at best. people were smarter than phones in those days and all of my therapists were open and honest about their contributions being pure guesswork, working with what was available at the time. springing from there, i was encouraged to seek my own solutions, with pro guidance. it is good to keep an open mind, but not so open that your brain falls out. psychology has come a long way since then, but it remains an infant science and mostly guesswork on what will work for any individual patient.

what works best for me, strictly personal, is, "symptom management." i don't worry the BIG DX. by whatever name, the symptoms which plague me today at 70 are not that different from the ones that plagued 17 year old me during the suicide attempt which resulted in that first psychotherapy appointment. if i can manage the symptoms, the BIG DX isn't much of a problem. example, today my most troubling symptom is hyper-expression. one of my therapy tools for hyper-expression is focused venting. i hope you can forgive me for using your post as a venting focus. the tools work when i work them.

returning my diatribe to the focus of welcoming you aboard. . .

i hope you find stabilizing companionship here.

 

[SHERRYPOTENZA]

What do I do now? Riley?

Welcome to the site! I am sorry for your struggles…it does get old. I isolate as well because it’s safe and most comfortable.

I have been on many antidepressants and finally had genetic testing, which gave them insight into what medications would work best. Has that been done?

I relate to a lot of what you said and hope you’ll find help here as I have.
AKJ

 

[PamelaS]

What do I do now? Riley?

Hi Sherry, welcome to the forum. I hope that you find it a safe place where you can share and not be judged. No one here would call you weird. We’re all in the same boat. My son and I have been in therapy all of our lives. He’s 26 and I’m 63. Right now I am staying safe at home by myself in order to sort this out on my own. I had to fire my last therapist. Been without one for a year because I couldn’t trust the system anymore. They misdiagnosed me in order to put me on antipsychotics. It took one of my psychiatrists that I saw 15 years ago two years of seeing him every month in order to come up with a cocktail of meds that would stabilize me. Then I was okay for a while until I wasn’t because exposure to my abuser kept triggering flashbacks. It has been a wild ride, but I am finally making some headway.
I have found that I do best when I can understand what has happened to me. So right now I am reading books by people who get PTSD and it is really helping me to sort it out. Right now I’m reading The Body Keeps Score by Bessel van der Kolk. It is the first thing that I have read that makes complete sense. I don’t trust people and I don’t trust the system. I trust myself to know who I am and what I have been through. Nobody else has the right to judge me because they haven’t walked my path. As you can see, I tend to over share and that has gotten me into trouble in communities. So the safest place for me is with my 3 best friends, th

 

[PamelaS]

Hi Sherry, welcome to the forum. I hope that you find it a safe place where you can share and not be judged. No one here would call you weird. We’re all in the same boat. My son and I have been in therapy all of our lives. He’s 26 and I’m 63. Right now I am staying safe at home by myself in order to sort this out on my own. I had to fire my last therapist. Been without one for a year because I couldn’t trust the system anymore. They misdiagnosed me in order to put me on antipsychotics. It took one of my psychiatrists that I saw 15 years ago two years of seeing him every month in order to come up with a cocktail of meds that would stabilize me. Then I was okay for a while until I wasn’t because exposure to my abuser kept triggering flashbacks. It has been a wild ride, but I am finally making some headway.
I have found that I do best when I can understand what has happened to me. So right now I am reading books by people who get PTSD and it is really helping me to sort it out. Right now I’m reading The Body Keeps Score by Bessel van der Kolk. It is the first thing that I have read that makes complete sense. I don’t trust people and I don’t trust the system. I trust myself to know who I am and what I have been through. Nobody else has the right to judge me because they haven’t walked my path. As you can see, I tend to over share and that has gotten me into trouble in communities. So the safest place for me is with my 3 best friends, th

Oops! I accidentally hit send.
The three people who have been with me the whole time and know exactly what I have been through: me, myself and I. But I have found this community where people don’t judge me and so far I haven’t been kicked out. I try to find meaning and purpose by encouraging others here.
Sorry for all of that, but I hope that you know that you are not alone anymore. You are among fellow sufferers. It is safe here. You can be you. Hope you find comfort in that and that you can find nuggets of truth from us that you can try to help you move forward. Wishing you safety and acceptance here and some direction to start moving forward to a better place.

 

[Sideways]

Mod Note:

What do I do now? Riley?

Riley is AI. You can continue conversations with AI, ask questions and get advice by starting a thread with Dr Catalyst.

 

[thursday]

Going outside is difficult for me too. I have the feeling that other people somehow see there is something wrong with me. That I am a special person. They seem to look through me. It's quite busy here with dog walkers in the park and they nearly all say hello. At the moment I can't handle this, so I take another route with less people. But at the moment I am very much of an avoider. Those people have nothing to do with what happened to me, they are respectful and friendly. But somehow my brain says something else. They're invading my personal space when they pass by.
PTSD has an aray of symptoms, also ( heavy) mood swings. It might be that you have been mis diagnosed and that you need another approach. Are you under any supervision of a professional? Because it is dangerous to use doctor google. Unfortunately you're not the only one here who doesn't understand what's going on in their brain. One moment I seem to think the mist is clearing and the moment, I'm lost at sea again.

 

[PamelaS]

Going outside is difficult for me too. I have the feeling that other people somehow see there is something wrong with me. That I am a special person. They seem to look through me. It's quite busy here with dog walkers in the park and they nearly all say hello. At the moment I can't handle this, so I take another route with less people. But at the moment I am very much of an avoider. Those people have nothing to do with what happened to me, they are respectful and friendly. But somehow my brain says something else. They're invading my personal space when they pass by.
PTSD has an aray of symptoms, also ( heavy) mood swings. It might be that you have been mis diagnosed and that you need another approach. Are you under any supervision of a professional? Because it is dangerous to use doctor google. Unfortunately you're not the only one here who doesn't understand what's going on in their brain. One moment I seem to think the mist is clearing and the moment, I'm lost at sea again.

My son has been severely abused since birth and he always wanted the curtains closed. After I had a psychotic break from the abuse and went to a facility for help for PTSD I finally understood. I keep most of the curtains closed. Don’t care if anyone thinks I’m weird. I have to do what I have to do. For now, it’s curtains closed.