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Tried distractions to recover

K

Killahleen

I’ve tried to ignore the stress, I can’t stop thinking about being watched. I can’t stop being in pain, then I continue to have ppl want me in pain. When people are vengeful they take everything to the extreme. PTSD is painful, it’s stressful, lonely, and I don’t want ppl to feel sorry. I want to be able to be left alone and feel safe again, I want to live normally.
 
With PTSD I think it’s safe to say that most of us have found there’s no one thing that fixes everything. Makes sense, since symptoms are so variable; both in type as well as severity and duration.

Instead? It’s a highly individual, and adaptive, cocktail of skills/tools/means/methods to deal with symptoms as they come up… whilst going after the root cause (trauma processing).

Distraction is one often useful tool… but whilst a hammer is often a very useful tool? It doesn’t screw things in, or cut things, or shine light very well.
 
It’s hard to recover from the PTSD bc I’m still dealing with the on going stalking from it, I’ve made an effort to protect myself or delete social media, but I would still receive texts wanting my attention, it’s proxy-stalking

The fatigue doesn’t go away bc of my adrenaline and cortisol levels, some days I don’t even know what I can do since the stalking is always in my face

Ignoring things tends to not make them go away. In ptsd symptoms, that’s probably falling in the Avoidance cluster.

Are you in therapy?
I was in therapy, when I got out of it the stalking still spread and got worse, I can’t get myself to calm down, and I haven’t stopped living in fear
 
It’s hard to recover from the PTSD bc I’m still dealing with the on going stalking from it,
Yep, yep.

Out of the past 10 years, since my PTSD was drop kicked into the stratosphere? In addition to all the other “life happens” (illness, injury, Covid, court, new trauma, family drama, etc.) 9 of them were ALSO dealing with stalking

((including a couple hundred break-ins, a few dozen assaults, my phone(s) being cloned, stalker dropping me from my classes in school a few minutes before midnight -on the last day to add/drop- so I both lost my financial aid package and my spots in 2 competitive programs, vandalism, dead animals with creepy poetry pinned to them, police being used as a weapon (luckily I’m super chill with police, but it took years before a slow tire roll didn’t whip my head around to ID the vehicle), everything I owned being stolen or destroyed (all my lingerie cut up & camera smashed, IE things I cared about, whilst even my light fixtures were ripped out of the ceiling), any/every job I took recieving thousands of robo-calls per day, my power & water & heat shut off, liens taken out on my property, durn near every local PI firm over a few years following me about (to get around restraining orders, he hired people fo do it), my address(es) published on rape-fantasy & f*ck wih me websites, my dog being poisoned the day after the order of protection on him (which changes it from animal cruelty charges to a felony), BS stories circulated about me (like my son’s school was told that instead of being a stay at home mom, I was his “birth mother” who was an addict and only just coming back into his life?!? Seeeeeriously… the… list… just… goes… on… and… on. For 9 years. Physical stalkers usually get bored within a year or two. Tech stalkers? They don’t have good data on, yet, because it only takes them 30 seconds whenever they happen to feel like it, to f*ck with you.))

^^^Which Means^^^ that a whole helluva lotta the time? The best I could do was “just” to tread water. Other times I didn’t even manage that, and it was 1 step forward, 2 back, fighting tooth & nail not to just drop like a rock. Other times? I was actually able to make progress. But most of the time? I was doing damn good, “just” to be treading water.

I was stuck, for 9 years, because I had I kid I couldn’t take with me if I left. (Custody agreement from hell). And I refused to leave him behind.

Were I you? If nothing is keeping you there, I would leave in a New York minute / put all my energy into getting the hell out, as soon as possible. The sooner you get out, the sooner you can rebuild your life.

Recovering from PTSD is hard.
A whole lotta stuff, both normal life & not, makes it harder.
Some of it we can’t do anything about. Some of it we choose not to. But sorting out the shit we can sort out? Priceless.
Whether it’s having cancer, and treating it; or having a stalker, and leaving.
 
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