Triggered By A Coworker

[circe47]

I like what Shellbell says about bullies feeling powerless and insecure. For instance, there was a woman I used to work with. She was very snooty and gossipy. However, I'd greet her with a smile and a friendly "good morning", like I did all of my co-workers. Her initial response was to snub me. My response was to slightly raise the volume of my greeting, assertively calling her by name. She couldn't ignore me then, without looking like a complete ass. We eventually came to an unspoken agreement. I kept being friendly and assertive, and she stopped being such a snoot. As time went on, I noticed that she either had issues with, or had absolutely nothing to do with attractive, assertive female employees. She also only seemed to pal around with the group of "popular" male employees, talking sports, happy hour during Monday night football, that kind of thing.

This woman was by no means overweight, but she's what's considered "thick". I began "seeing" her as a little girl who'd been picked on in elementary school over her weight. I suspected strongly that she had, sadly, been shunned by her female peers as a child, feels threatened by and hates attractive women as a result. She, unfortunately, became someone hurt to the point where she has no ability to feel the pain of others, and uses her tenure and position to sabotage and bully those she perceives as weaker.

This might be slightly off topic, but does anyone else feel that they have the ability to access another's character and motives very quickly and accurately in this manner?

 

[circe47]

Saffy-

Yes, anger is an issue of mine, but more so, grief. Grief for the loss of potential, prime of life years, and educational opportunity that I can never get back. I know I could go to school, but how does one go about building the foundation necessary with dissociative tendencies and mental/physical exhaustion?

 

[LC23]

This might be slightly off topic, but does anyone else feel that they have the ability to access another's character and motives very quickly and accurately in this manner?

Yes, but that's a whole tangled topic of conversation. And sometimes it takes a little digging to uncover quirks that tell me something that helps me bring it together. It's not instant, nor is it foolproof, but I've scome to rely on it while navigating various social situations.

 

[samson]

Hi everyone. The situation has died down for now. The coworker is a woman and she is a very strong, opinionated person who thinks the right thing to do is force people to agree with her. The event was a trigger in that she came into my office, closed the door and stood up the whole time she was accusing me of offending her in a meeting. When I felt the trigger come on I asked her to leave and she refused to stop demanding I discuss this with her. I was trapped. I see her as abusive and she triggers memories of physical abuse by my mother when I was a small child. I can't be perfect for her.

My supervisors are on my side and we are dealing with it appropriately. I feel safe and supported. My T gave me some great practical advise on how to deal with the day to day interaction. It's a small office and running into her is unavoidable. I just hope and pray I never have another panic attack like that again. it really set me back and scared me.

My T suggested medication at this point. That pissed me off because I really hoped to get through this without meds. I have been on them before. But, I can't disagree with him that I am running out of floor to stand on and I really can't afford to lose my job. So, hello zoloft.

Thank you all so much for your support.

 

[Zef]

Samson,
Great to hear that your supervisors are helping and understanding. I've been lucky in that regard, too. I am curious about what advice your T gave you that is helping with the day-to-day interactions.

I am in a similar situation although the co-worker who triggers me is doing absolutely nothing wrong. He basically reminds me of people in my past. . .which is a bad thing. I'm doing OK dealing with it, but the added effort and stress is making me consider moving on to a different work environment.

 

[samson]

My T suggested that since our jobs do not directly overlap that I keep moving when she is in the area. If she comes to my office say "Hey I was just on my way to wherever - let's walk and talk." The idea is to not let her stand in my office and say anything. There is usually very little interacting pertaining to work, however first thing this morning she was called into a meeting I was in and I nearly threwup. It screwed with my whole day.

I hope this will pass. And I should mention that her and I are not natural friends to begin with. We have always conflicted in the personality department, but this goes way beyond that because of my current emotional state.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

It sounds like you are doing a lot better. I really feel for you. It hurts so. You must be very strong on the inside.