I'm pretty sure that something that happened to my 3 year old daughter last month and the beginning of this month has triggered some stuff in me that hadn't bothered me for some time or that I had been able to handle better. I just can't believe that I haven't landed in the hospital yet and am grateful that I have the clarity I do/did to deal with her situation.
However, I am concerned and wondering if I am starting to "stumble" or have it start to catch up to me now. I have been so calm and I can feel that starting to be a struggle once again. I am so jumpy, like never before. I feel so bad for my daughter. She came to get in bed with us last night and she touched me to climb up and I screamed since it was dark and I didn't hear her come in, she scared me. I scared her in the process and it took while to calm her down. After calming her down, it took a while for me to calm myself down. The insomnia is at an all time high. I jump at anything/everything. Husband has to knock on the wall as he is coming down the hall to alert me he is coming in a room.
I'm full of rage at what happened to her and her sister (whom lives in another state with her mother and is in denial). No one see's it like I see what happened over the years as abuse and that truly angers me. I am just so grateful that I was able to see/catch/stop what was happening to my daughter. We live in a different state now so I am not worried that this person will have access to her.
This has affected so many people including my marriage. I am an outsider an outcast, just trying to protect my daughter from a monster whom no one else see's that way...That's hard on me. I ended up writing a hateful letter to said person and also to my mother since this stirred up all the years of her denial of all the sexual abuse she ignored and all the physical/mental abuse she dished out.
Sights/sounds so many things are triggering me right now and it has gotten worse when I found out what happened to my daughter. I am sick inside and want to hurt somebody and yet am so calm...I don't think this is normal?
We left our, suppose to be, two week vacation in another state after just 5 days because of this and I can't wait to get back to my therapists next week...
And my husband just doesn't get it...
However, I am concerned and wondering if I am starting to "stumble" or have it start to catch up to me now. I have been so calm and I can feel that starting to be a struggle once again. I am so jumpy, like never before. I feel so bad for my daughter. She came to get in bed with us last night and she touched me to climb up and I screamed since it was dark and I didn't hear her come in, she scared me. I scared her in the process and it took while to calm her down. After calming her down, it took a while for me to calm myself down. The insomnia is at an all time high. I jump at anything/everything. Husband has to knock on the wall as he is coming down the hall to alert me he is coming in a room.
I'm full of rage at what happened to her and her sister (whom lives in another state with her mother and is in denial). No one see's it like I see what happened over the years as abuse and that truly angers me. I am just so grateful that I was able to see/catch/stop what was happening to my daughter. We live in a different state now so I am not worried that this person will have access to her.
This has affected so many people including my marriage. I am an outsider an outcast, just trying to protect my daughter from a monster whom no one else see's that way...That's hard on me. I ended up writing a hateful letter to said person and also to my mother since this stirred up all the years of her denial of all the sexual abuse she ignored and all the physical/mental abuse she dished out.
Sights/sounds so many things are triggering me right now and it has gotten worse when I found out what happened to my daughter. I am sick inside and want to hurt somebody and yet am so calm...I don't think this is normal?
We left our, suppose to be, two week vacation in another state after just 5 days because of this and I can't wait to get back to my therapists next week...
And my husband just doesn't get it...
