Relationship Triggered Girlfriends Rape Ptsd Please Help

[Buggy0519]

Ok so ive been with this amazing girl now for 3 months almost. From the beginning of our friendship she has been extremely open about her truama and things that she has done that shes not proud of but has come to a place of acceptance of. SHE HAS BEEN THROUGH ALOT, and I admire her courage, not only to walk through it but to communicate and be honest about it. Its one of the most attractive things ive never thought about. But i digress, we got into abit of a affection funk due to unspecified reasons but today everything was wonderfull. As we were looking a place to call home we were just haveing so much fun and slowly starting to become more phyical again. So when we get home she asks me to rub her back which i love to do so i did for about 30 min and i started to feel, you know, horny for lack of a better term. So I slowly start taking off her pants and suddenly she says "wtf are you doing?" "I wake up to my pants being taken off?!, ive never felt so close to when this specific tramatic event took place in my life" I HAD NO IDEA SHE WAS ASLEEP. I expressed this to her but she was already telling me to get away from her. Then this is where i really f*cked up, I said "fine ill leave rn and go to the gym, ill be back with consent forms so this doesnt happen again" i immediately felt intense regret for what i said and it hurt her. She got angry then shut down and is has now been sleeping for more than an hour. Im at a loss as what to do to make this right. Give her space? Show/tell her how much i love her? Shes not big on apologies so im stuck just feeling like a piece of shit. Please everyone, anyone help me try and make this right, this girl means everything to me and we are about to move in together and start a life with one another. Im convinced she is the only one for me and ill do absolutely anything to make this right. any help would be beyond appreciated!

HELP PLEASE

 

[ladee]

If you really want this relationship you might educate yourself on PTSD.
What she had was a very normal reaction.
Your words minimized her vulnerabity and trust for you to rub her back and she trusted you.
Possibly in normal relationships that would have been no big deal. We don't know..we aren't normal.
You didn't do it to hurt her it take advantage of her. Tell her that and give her time to sort it out.
Don't go on and on with an apology..she heard you the first time.
At some point after she has time to sort thigs out..you May gently ask her to share what triggers her. You may feel you have to walk on eggshells but all you have to do is remember what she shares and be mindful of her fears and be supportive.
You don't have to make it all better. She is doing that for herself it sounds like.
Three months is a very short time to know a lot about each other. Give it time. Forgive your self for thinking with your penis and learn what upsets her.
What you did was normal..so don't beat yourself up. You are getting to know her on another level.
If you really want this relationship express to her how important it is she communicates with you. You shouldn't have to be wondering what will trigger or upset her..she had responsibility to tell you.
It will be a very different relationship than you've ever had. Be mindful of that.
She doesn't need you to save her. She needs you to support her saving herself.
You sound like a good guy and really hope yall can work thru this. Just give her a little time

Apologize for your thoughtless comment and let her know you are willing to learn.
This is going to be good for you too. You will learn that she is strong yet fragile sometimes.
It will be work..not gonna lie..but sounds like she's worth it to you.
Wishing you both happiness.

 

[Casey_03]

Give her space. And I'd suggest writing her a long, honest letter explaining your mistake and how much she means to you. (I say letter because I really think she needs the space, and a letter might be easier for her to digest right now than if you said it in person)

 

[kilted]

What you did was "normal", your comment about consent forms came from frustration, but has a deeper significance..... consent is exactly where you need to be coming from..... not forms as such, but making sure you have explicit verbal assent to each thing you do.

This might seem odd..... but it increases both communication and trust.....

Asking permission and saying how you are feeling...... eg
Can I touch you there.....
or
I am feeling that I want to touch you there

Working with requests, questions and statements like these increase trust and if both of you can verbally communicate how you feel then things get easier. The mantra is that there's no increase in intimate touch or act without positive and unequivocal agreement.

This might sound odd.... but... believe me once you get into the habit, you'll find it makes a BIG difference to intimacy with any partner, PTSD or not.

 

[TheMinsterman]

Be understanding and be open to learning, that is the best advice I can offer.

My ex became very triggered during sex a couple of times, shaking, frozen, other times not. We spoke, very calmly and at length about what to do when she did become triggered, for her it was stay with her, just don't touch her as her senses were on over drive etc.

You build the boundaries and the support techniques together so they both work for you.