Trouble with t

[loui50]

I spoke to my T about my relationship with my husband recently (2 sessions ago). I started with husband and I are having and issue. Then went on to explain the issue. Her response was "I think you guys are fine." I feel like she didn't listen, didn't understand, or didn't care. I have NEVER divulged info about my relationship with my hubs to a T and it was very hard for me to talk about and she just blew it off like it was nothing to be concerned about. I've been married 10 yeas and together 13 years and this is the first time that I have felt the need to talk about my relationship with a T, so obviously it mattered to me. I don't know what to do.

I'm contemplating finding a new T. I'm contemplating talking to her about it and seeing why she said what she said. I HATE conflict so I feel finding a new t is the easy way out and maybe talking through with her will help me grow. I don't even want to bring it up. The thought of going to see her tomorrow is making me sick. How would I bring this up to her. She always starts the session with How are you doing, how have you been?

 

[anonymous]

I spoke to my T about my relationship with my husband recently (2 sessions ago). I started with husband...

How long have you been going to your t? Is this the only issue you've had with her?

Is it possible she kind of blew it off because you've never brought it up before?

I might bring it up again and try and be specific if you can about the issues. I know things can be hard to verbalized, if you can make a list ahead of time that might help. If she says that again I would ask her why she thinks you guys are fine.

 

[loui50]

How long have you been going to your t? Is this the only issue you've had with her?

I've been seeing her for a year and this is the first time I've had an issue. I went into details for 2 sessions and I just fee like she doesn't see it as an issue.

 

[anonymous]

It sounds like you don't feel validated in this area. Do you think you can tell her that?

 

[loui50]

sounds like you don't feel validated in this area

I guess i dont. I feel like she didn't care and i need her to care! I dont know if i can tell her or not. I am feeling very emotional today. Like im a worthless person. Like being in my childhood all over again.

 

[anonymous]

It sounds like it's stirring up some negative beliefs and events from your childhood. I get this is painful. I would encourage you to work through this with your t. You're recognizing that it's not just this issue with your t, you're feeling all of those times you felt worthless etc.. all at once. If you can process this through with your t I think it will be extremely helpful.

 

[loui50]

I think you are right. It is a lot of emotions right now. I have never self harmed, but honestly just want to feel physical pain right now to make the emotional pain go away. I dont even know how to start the conversation with her. I am scared

 

[UnicornSightings]

I read a text to my t that my mom had sent. It said a lot of awful things and was kinda long. Maybe halfway through she said "God how much more is there?!" or something along those lines. I felt very hurt. Yeah it was annoying and repetitive but it was MY stuff. I needed her to hear it. I don't do well with conflict either so it just sat in me and bugged me. It was either the next week or the week after that I just stopped talking. A lot of attitude. Shutting her down. Finally told her that it bothered me. That I needed her to care about what I was reading then. She apologized. A sincere apology. I didn't know what to do with that then. Just forgive??!! Surely grudges are meant to be held... but over time I've apologized when I've been rude and she lets it go and I'm learning to let it go when others do things that upset me when they really didn't mean to.

Relationships will have bumpy moments I'm learning. And in my experience the best way is to stick them out if they express remorse for their actions and seek to understand you. I hope you can talk to your t about this. And if the response sucks, find someone new!

 

[watundah]

We hold our Ts to a high bar. I would hate to have to have perfect responses every time. That said, if you like her, it is a relationship which means stomping thru muck to make it stronger.

I agree her response seemed dismissive but are you certain she grasped its imlortance to you? I used to go in equipped with what I thought would fill an hour and she would shrug it off as insignificant. So sometimes I think we need to say, hey, look, I want to spend some time on this.It may seem trivial but it doesnt feel that way.

Good luck!

 

[UnicornSightings]

We hold our Ts to a high bar. I would hate to have to have perfect responses every time. That said, if...

I soooooo agree with this! I remember analyzing (ok I still do this) her emails and wishing she had said this or that lol. Like the perfect thing. Which doesn't exist. No one can respond exactly how we want them to. But we can learn to tell people what we'd like and hope they deliver. And if not, that's ok. Find a way to deal with it or move on.

 

[loui50]

I saw T today and was not able to tell her I was upset. I'm disappointed with myself. She asked how my husband and I were doing and I told her I didn't want to talk about it. I told her it felt like I was betraying him (Truth) but I wasn't able to tell her that her minimizing the issues hurt. Then she started asking a lot of sort of round about questions about the issue I'm having with my husband that leads me to believe she does in fact care and maybe I misread her. It stirred up a bunch of feelings though that I wish I could talk about with her.

 

[UnicornSightings]

I saw T today and was not able to tell her I was upset. I'm disappointed with myself. She asked how my...

No big! Just try again next time. You know what one of my FAVE quotes is? "What gets in the way of the work IS the work". That's never been more true than in therapy. Bringing it up will bring up issues with conflict and how you handle disappointment and hurt and it's just REALLY good stuff. This is what a lot of people don't get about therapy. It's rarely the things we bring up. It's our avoidance and defensiveness and our reactivity that are the real subjects of analysis. If it's easier maybe just show her your post or send her an email. Do you have her email address?