Trust Too Easily

[Tanishq]

I have been thinking on this. Those who trust too easily have personal boundary issue. They are very easy to get invasion and manipulated later. I have been one of this people.

Some people told me it is my vulnerability which also plays part. So I have been thinking it's not vulnerability, the reason is "not" knowing how to guard one's own boundaries.

Discuss please.

 

[Philippa]

I've been like this as well for most of my life, though the last ten years it seems to have gone the opposite way, and I have trust issues...but I still find myself wanting to believe what someone says, even though I know most people aren't trustworthy.

It does have to do with vulnerability, but I'm not sure what else to say about it? I think Spiritual people are like this...and it's not a character fault at all...it's a beautiful thing, but in this world it's just a sad fact that most people are not worthy of our trust.

I don't know that it's anything necessarily 'wrong' with us...it's that THEY are predatorial, and perceive us as easy prey and suckers. They don't stop and think they shouldn't take advantage of that quality...they see it as something that we deserve to get taken for a ride for being so gullible.

 

[Tanishq]

Thank you for your input Philippa, what you say make lot of sense.

It has been hard for me to become serious where I should be. But sometimes I do get serious where I shouldn't be and give away the situation.

 

[Abstract]

Hi Jaret,

I think its great you are realising this.

What I have heard is that when we are brought up in an environment where we have not been allowed boundaries and have bad examples of setting boundaries then we tend to have boundary problems later on.

People who have been taught good boundary setting in childhood have flexible boundaries later. They have rigid ones when needed and then fluidly go into more flexible ones when that is better.

When we have had a bad childhood then we often tend to go into the wrong boundary setting at the wrong time. Some peoples are always rigid. Some are always non existent and other go from one extreme to the other or go through phases. I think it takes awareness and hard work to heal these things. Its all about never loosing ourselves and yet still being able to let other people into our lives.

 

[Tanishq]

Hi Abstract,

Thank you for your input.

People who have been taught good boundary setting in childhood have flexible boundaries later. They have rigid ones when needed and then fluidly go into more flexible ones when that is better.

You said it so well.

I think it takes awareness and hard work to heal these things. Its all about never loosing ourselves and yet still being able to let other people into our lives.

This touches my heart and you have encouraged me more to work.

 

[sunshineontheway]

Hi, Jaret, haven't been here for a month...:hug: I hope you're fine...These days I doing some kind of 'Closed Therapy' and it takes much of the time...I'm so warm when I receive your message! I pray for your health too!:)

But from tomorrow on, I would start hunting jobs and starts career path again...and may don't come here often...:p Writing diary make me strong from impact of the post trauma issue...I wite what happened and analyse what contribute to the negative result, I analyse my way of thinking and cognition over the issue and the critical details...I found some of my wrong and problematic ways mess up the whole issue in the end...In future, I need to rectify them and resume the work of regaining myself,my strength and confidence...

All the best for you and give best wishes for your healing!Happy to say Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!:roflmao:

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Hi, I also struggle with these things. When I like, admire, and respect a person, I tend to let down my guard and trust them. I keep forgetting to trust my gut instincts. There was a person in my life, that I initially did not like. But as I got to know her, I began to respect, admire and like her very much. Over a difference in opionion she attacked me and said some mean and harsh things. I remained silent and walked away from this person never to go back.

I have bottom line behaviours and I do not hang around people who lose their tempers on me. That is my boundry and my limit. But if I had listened to my initial gut feeling I would not have got involved in the first place. I am naive, and gullible, far too trusting. I am vulnerable. I need to be stronger. I am working on it, but I have alot of room to grow.

I do not like to be taken advantage of. I do not like to be taken for granted. I hope this helps.

 

[Shellbell]

Jaret, I trusted too easily during my childhood and teenage years and got badly abused as a result, but I have now gone to the other extreme and don't ever trust anyone. Trust issues are inevitable from bad childhoods, where trusting our own parents led to abuse and pain and not learning healthy trust and healthy boundaries, but also wanting love and care from people in the absence of our parents love.

It must be difficult for you to manage having boundaries with your parents, as in their house, no doubt they enforce their rules, with no imput or discussion or consultation with you.

As for other people, friends etc, you can set some boundaries as to behaviours you will and will not accept and being wise as to who your reveal personal information about yourself to, so you do not get taken advantage of. I think there is vulnerability in not setting and guarding personal boundaries.

:hug:

 

[Tanishq]

But from tomorrow on, I would start hunting jobs and starts career path again...and may don't come here often...

Hi sunshine,

Do you want to scare me with this message? :eek: :)

I wish you all the best with your job search and wish that you get the job where you are most comfortable, you love the work and enjoy it most. So that doesn't stop your healing process you are going for.

I will miss your posts. I also wish you all the best for your trauma diary process. If you ever need help, I hope you think to stop by here. :)

I wish the same to you. Merry Christmas and Very Happy New Year to you.

:hug:

 

[Tanishq]

Hi gizmo,

I remained silent and walked away from this person never to go back.

I don't like such people either who think it is alright to attack on someone who is more vulnerable. I think they are power based people and lack some kindness. I have been through this people, but I have been able to get away from them without any kind of problems or fight. I had fight with someone, but I proved myself that I had nothing to do with them and went away.

I just went through some quotes: Person's character defines how they treat vulnerable. Everyone is powerful, everyone use it but depends what they are using for good or bad. Everyone can't use this power with same fashion.

I am like you, I go away silently without discussing much about it. I see no meaning to discuss with them when they have lost their mind on first place.

I have bottom line behaviours and I do not hang around people who lose their tempers on me. That is my boundry and my limit.

Me neither. I have started removing such people. This can be very nasty to us. We are dealing with so many things first and second we can't handle this all. Sometimes I think why people get angry on others and let out their anger.

Can't we solve any problem or matter with cool mind? Ok, if you have anger. There are thousand ways to process it without harming others. I have learned this temper problems come from egos. We don't go for ego thing because we are wandering for love. we have been unloved for long duration and we are giving-receiving it.

Gizmo, you might not be feeling strong right now. But I know you're not weaker person either. I would be willing to bet on those people who have temper problems and attack on others. Most of this attacks unnecessary and show of power nothing else.

Only wise people understands how to channel anger. I am sure you must know about this, you have gone through anger courses.

I do not like to be taken for granted.

Sorry. I couldn't understand this.

You know gizmo, I wish to be accepted. Is it similar to taken for granted?

I appreciate and agree with your post. :)

 

[Tanishq]

It must be difficult for you to manage having boundaries with your parents, as in their house, no doubt they enforce their rules, with no imput or discussion or consultation with you.

Thank you for being compassionate with me. This is exactly I am going through.

Trust issues are inevitable from bad childhoods, where trusting our own parents led to abuse and pain and not learning healthy trust and healthy boundaries, but also wanting love and care from people in the absence of our parents love.

*affirmative nod*

Your post full of knowledge. I thank you for that. I liked it. I felt like I deserve to have understanding and learn the reality without being biased or denying it. I deserve to know more and go ahead. I deserve to know more so I can be careful in future and not repeat the same mistake again.

hug back at you,too. :hug:

 

[sunshineontheway]

Hi sunshine,

Do you want to scare me with this message? :eek: :) .

No,no...haha, in future I will continue my diary therapy...as it's an issue lasts for long time, I need lots of time to process it through diary and give some time for retrospect and doing meditation...All the things would go on as usual, including going to this forum and of course talk to you all... ;)

I wish you all the best with your job search and wish that you get the job where you are most comfortable.

Thank you.How I appreciate your kindness.:rolleyes:

I will miss your posts...If you ever need help, I hope you think to stop by here. :) .

Haha, you don't need to miss them, I would still go to this forum but not as often as in October...My therapy hasn't come to an end actually, I just got some fundamental progress these days and I guess my need for help would still exist for some time at certain moment of my life...

I wish the same to you. Merry Christmas and Very Happy New Year to you.

:hug:

Thank you....:wacky: Though I don't know whether I would find a suitable job before the end of this year, but I don't care much about job now.What I concern is do the best for my health....I have a small tips for cheering up when I am angry, that is watching the video of Gangnam Style by PSY.:bag: