Trust Too Easily

[MissMacD]

I come from a small town where people are super friendly, but I am really vulnerable to being taken for a ride and used by people. Not so much anymore but I think that people took advantage of me because I was so socially awkward and desperate for friends. I am a very people pleasing person even if it means sacrificing little pieces of myself. I go out of my way for strangers.

Sometimes it is a good thing and turns out as kindness - simple things like holding the door for the person behind you but sometimes I stretch myself too far with relationships that develop in my life and I end up burnt out and washed up.

 

[Tanishq]

All the things would go on as usual, including going to this forum and of course talk to you all... ;)

Hmmmm

What I concern is do the best for my health

:tup: That's the healthiest concern to have in your life.

it's good to see some video songs or mp3s which uplift you. I am not like people and often I don't go with crazy flow of media. I end up harming myself or overwhelmed. :D

It's good to know I don't need to miss your posts. :wacky:

You often poke my funny side. I appreciate that. :hug:

 

[Tanishq]

Hi MissMacD, I understand what you are saying.

simple things like holding the door for the person behind you but sometimes I stretch myself too far with relationships that develop in my life and I end up burnt out and washed up.

I think I am not understanding this. Sorry.

You mean, giving them enough time and develop the connection?? I do this often and end up knowing that they aren't there for me anymore. It's strange though. Perhaps because of being avoided most of times?

 

[MissMacD]

Exactly, I don't always give new relationships time to develop because I am so used to being desperate for anyone because I am so used to being alone. I put on a fake front and try to do everything perfectly and then can't keep up with it. I think I do it because I don't want people to see that I have flaws.

 

[Tanishq]

I put on a fake front and try to do everything perfectly and then can't keep up with it. I think I do it because I don't want people to see that I have flaws.

Sometimes I do this. Two years ago I used to do this all the time. I understood I am pleasing person and it's time to leave that lifestyle. But yes being pleasing personality did took out lot of time and energy from me.

I hope you overcome this, it is very necessary for oneself.

 

[MissMacD]

I am getting there by learning when to see when I am giving too much to others and not enough to myself. Another thing is learning how to give to people who really deserve it without over doing it. I have been able to practice effort giving with my boyfriend and learning how much to give before I need to simply nurture myself.

My boyfriend has been a really great influence on my life - he has helped me to make better decisions and comes from a great supportive family so sets a really good example for me. He is the first person who has really accepted me for who I am and that has been really tough and it has made me want to please him even more.

I will always be a people pleasing giving person, it's in my nature to be kind and empathetic to pretty much anyone in need. I just have to learn how to make people feel good without making myself feel bad.

 

[Tanishq]

I doubt you're pleasing person now. You have matured that level now. So good to see it. :)

You have found balance with trust and give-take. Yes, that's what I want to imply in my life. Give things to those people who are really worth of my time and kindness. Otherwise choose to leave them. It's very easy to take, but it becomes testing when it comes to giving.

MissMacD, it sounds you have found love of your life.

Thank you for your posts, it has helped me a lot and keep sharing your thoughts here. Please know, they are most appreciated and welcomed.

 

[DharmaGirl]

I am not like people and often I don't go with crazy flow of media

I do not watch TV much because of this. Too many triggers.

I also have boundry issues. I have started setting boundries and what seems to be worse are the reactions from people about my boundries. They try to say I'm being mean when I don't just do what they want. It makes me want to withdrawl from people again.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Jaret I will try to explain what I mean by being taken for granted. It is when I am in a relationship with someone and they quit appreciating me. They begin to expect me to do the things I have always done without gratitude. They just expect me to be giving to them without them giving to me. I know there is more to this than what I described, it is hard to explain.

i think the other person assumes things about me and when they discover I have a difference of opionion that is when the temper explodes on me. And that difference of opinion causes problems for the other person. They cannot handle that I have a mind of my own. So we end up going our seperate ways.

If that does not happen with a person, I can simply tell them I feel taken for granted and they apologize and they try a little harder. I have to tell them though. I hope this makes sense. I think this is a good topic to discuss. Hugs.

 

[Tanishq]

Gizmo, I understand your point clearly. Thank you. :)

i think the other person assumes things about me and when they discover I have a difference of opionion that is when the temper explodes on me. And that difference of opinion causes problems for the other person. They cannot handle that I have a mind of my own. So we end up going our seperate ways.

Lately I have been working on this. I have learned most people don't stand with the fact that you are way more smarter than them. Sometimes they might not want to get jealous/angry us, but still it is them. not any fault from us. Those who say I don't please anyone anymore. Wrong! Everyone pleases everyone to least extent. But majority of us do this all to major extent. Difference is there. Very few people manage to reach at this point.

I have talked to many so called smart people and they didn't let me know a thing. Just chose to leave me and not to respond. This hurt me. It made me feel they avoided me and I am bad person. I don't deserve to know the reason behind their action. I learned it is better to tell person clearly because everyone deserves to know where they stand in friendship or any relationship.

I think person makes an assumption when they think they know everything about us or they know us so well. They are so correct. Too much judgement and not giving enough time to person can kill everything. Their anger explodes on vulnerable people like us and it makes them think we are faulty for them.

Yes, I wanted to understand one thing. I have trusted too easily, I gave them time and also wanted time to talk with them. but when I faced rejection, I always felt bad and had curiosity why I can't have good friendships.

:hug:

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Jaret I believe that there are alot of good people in this world. We have been attracted to the sick and dysfunctional ones most of the time. Do not give up on your search for the healthier people. There are way more good people than bad. This is what I have been finding out.

I have a couple that I am making friends with. They are very caring and generous people. They have offered to take me to church with them. They are really down to earth. They bought our jeep off of us and they are enjoying it very much.

I am reaching out in baby steps. I am rebuilding my life. For a year and a half I sat in my home trying to heal and recover from the toxic environment I moves away from. Now I am eager to reach out once again.

It takes time to get to know people. I need to go slow. I am far too trusting. I need to pay attention to the gut feelings I have about the people I have contact with. It takes time.I hope this helps.

 

[sunshineontheway]

it's good to see some video songs or mp3s which uplift you..I end up harming myself or overwhelmed. :D

It doesn't matter. It's quite ok to preserve your own style of like or dislike.:rolleyes: I am also not the person who likes to follow the trend of fashion or music, especially fashion...I have my own aesthetical standard and wear and enjoy what I appreciate...Like my cousin sister always say I wear uncouth fashion and she don't understand what my tast is , but I don't pay any attention to it...I have baby face and like to wear those with irregular cutting fashion or Japanese or revised national style fashion as they look different and creative....:hungry:

It's good to know I don't need to miss your posts. :wacky:

Hahaha, thank you, Jaret, you let me know my posts are not bad:bag:

You often poke my funny side. I appreciate that. :hug:

Oh, really? Hahaha, I always say some funny jokes with my friends and dad, of course including some dirty jokes..:sneaky: :p But trust me, I am a good lady...Hahahha....