Trust With Your Therapist - Or Not?

[Cecilia]

Linasmom:

I agree with what you are saying, also. We do have to take responsibilty, but to get through the process, one needs a therapist they can share all their feelings with comfortably. I am drawn more to some personalities more than others. For me real aggressive therapists feel threatening, but somebody else may really like their style.

If I don't warm up to a therapist after 3 or 4 sessions then I know I might benefit more from a different therapist.

 

[Deleted member 541]

I agree that people need to be responsible for their own therapy and well being. Yes there are a lot of issues that we have dealing with going to a therapist and telling everything. Trust, shame, quilt, fear, rejection, ect, ect. BUT!!!!!! We need to be able to take the plunge and go forward with things.

You can't keep going to therapy week after week, month after month, year after year, and NOT open up. You're not being honest to yourself, and IMO you are wasting the therapist time, and yours.

If a person doesn't open up, then they don't move forward.

 

[Brit]

I agree 100%, but it is tough to do. We are dealing with a lot of shame, and that is not easy to deal with regardless of whether the person is a T or not. I trust my T and she knows an awful lot more about me than my wife, and I am now wondering if there is anything that I have held back from discussing with my T.

 

[dlross]

Just rereading some of the posts in this thread it struck me that some of the thoughts in a thread started a few days ago on the subject of transference are of some relevance to this topic as well...don't know how to make link here, but probably searching for transference will work.

 

[Seeking_Nirvana]

Some people can't trust right away because when they were a child they trusted their abuser and that trust was broken. How does one get that trust back along with their innocence? Through hard work and patients with oneself and it doesn't happen over night. This is a long process that has to be taken in baby steps. Go ahead and judge something you may not know one inkling about. If it makes you mad or upsets you then you are judging and most likely stuck in judgment of everyone who doesn't think like you.

I was raised by criminals. They taught me to be a criminal so what do you think about criminals? You can't trust them! If I've known only criminals most of my life and became one, how quickly is it going to be for me to trust when I know even the nicest person with the best intentions won't have a bad day and do something that harms me? There is a possibility of a criminal in all of us but we refuse to see it because we are repressing those thoughts and actions. Don't think for one minute if you were on the streets starving to death you wouldn't steal some food. Have you ever went hungry for two and a half days (nothing but water)? I have, and it isn't a pleasant feeling. Actually it's pretty painful.

Lets be realistic here. You may think you trust your T and open completely up but about 15% of people are 100% honest with their T and I find it hard to believe the majority of this forum with the exception of 2quilt, tude and myself are the only ones that do not trust so easily.

Keep a mental note of this topic and next time your T or some one asks you a question you don't feel comfortable answering, ask yourself why? I bet it happens more often than you think because your not paying attention. Try this on for starters go and tell your T in the next session that you masturbated and you slept with some one you didn't know. Even better, tell them about the time you slapped your child in the face real hard because you lost control. If you can do this then I applaud your trust and openness. Good for you!

Peace
Tammy

 

[linasmom]

Seeking Nirvana, I don't know who you are addressing, but I'll go ahead and answer -

Firstly - I have gone hungry and I have stolen food because of it. I lived on the streets twice, once at 15 for a year, and once at 17 for a year. I don't know who you are addressing when you say "go ahead and judge something you have no inkling about". I'm sorry, but I have PTSD too, from years of sexual, physical and emotional abuse at the hands of my mother - for 15 years.

Of course I judge, and for anyone who says that they don't judge is a liar. We are human beings. However, I will argue that I'm definitely not "stuck" in judgment towards everyone who doesn't think like I do. Do you have any idea how many people that would be?? TONS! I'm atheist living in North Carolina. I don't judge all of the Christians who live here, I accept and respect their right to believe what they choose and in doing so I do not think any less of them.

It's funny that your perception is that only you, Tude and 2quilt are the only ones who do not trust your Therapist, by this thread. My perception of these posts suggests that everyone but me, Herc and SheCat are the only who DO trust our T. Perception is everything, I guess.

Absolutely, without a doubt, do I feel uncomfortable answering questions that "someone" has asked me and I refuse to do so. Because "someone" is Joe Schmo, who does not have a PHD in Psychology and who I am not paying to council me. Furthermore, Joe Schmo and myself do not have a confidentiality agreement.

I'm not sure why telling your therapist that "I masturbated and slept with someone I didn't know" is so out of the ordinary for a therapist to hear. I mean, come on. Masturbation - not that serious! Women and men have been doing it for years. I'm sorry that society has made women to feel as if they are not allowed to do so, but the reality is that women masturbating is not so taboo anymore, and neither is sleeping with somebody that you don't know. I'm not saying it's responsible, I'm simply saying that these examples are not shocking. Do you know what other types of people psychologists see? Pedophiles, perhaps.

It's really important to try and put things into perspective here.

 

[linasmom]

As an aside, I think it's really hurtful and uncool to say to someone else on this site who has PTSD that they may not have an "inkling" of understanding regarding the trust issue.

 

[Seeking_Nirvana]

Hi Rachel,
I didn't mean to hurt anyone. But perception seems to be the problem here. My point was, I just don't feel everyone is so open with their T like these posts seem to have indicated and that is why I didn't single anyone out, because there are to many that I wasn't 100% sure about.

If you feel hurt because I said "you may not" have an inkling of understanding there is something deeply bothering you here. I didn't use an absolute and say "You do not" have an inkling. What bothers you may not bother others, and vice versa. I can not predict that, and walk on egg shells when I post something here. Otherwise I might as well never make a post or give my opinion.

I think this site is to help others see different views and opinions and challenge everyone to be honest with themselves so healing can take place.

 

[linasmom]

I think this site is to help others see different views and opinions and challenge everyone to be honest with themselves so healing can take place.

I totally agree! Which is why I have voiced my opinion in this thread. I don't think you should have to walk on eggshells, however I took your post as being attacking and felt as though you were assuming what others here have and have not experienced for themselves and almost challenging others in some of your statements (ie. try telling your therapist such and such) But, if that was not your intention, then I can accept that.

That doesn't change my original reaction - I thought it was hurtful and uncool in my eyes. I still have a right to express those feelings.

Best,
Rachel

 

[Seeking_Nirvana]

Yes you have the right to express whatever you like, and it would be uncool if I said you don't have an inkling of what I'm talking about, because I don't know for sure if you have and inkling of what I'm talking about.

I didn't state that everyone here doesn't understand my point of view. That is what I'm trying to figure out.

I'm trying to see why some of the members are upset that a few of us don't trust enough to tell our T everything. Also, I don't think everyone is as honest with their T as they say they are. But that is just my opinion and could be wrong.

Carry on in peace
Tammy

 

[linasmom]

Well, just for clarifications sake, I want to be sure that I've answered the questions that you have, since I'm one of the people here who became upset regarding people not telling their T everything.

"it would be uncool if I said you don't have an inkling of what I'm talking about, because I don't know for sure if you have and inkling of what I'm talking about."

A few posts back, I said this: I'm perplexed yet fully understand the reasoning behind not telling your T everything.

"I'm trying to see why some of the members are upset that a few of us don't trust enough to tell our T everything."

A few posts back, I said this: I strongly believe in personal responsibility. The posts in this thread have come across, to me, like people are refusing to take on the personal responsibility that goes hand in hand with going to therapy and healing oneself.

and this: it seems that all I can see from these posts are people who want dogs instead of doctors.

"I don't think everyone is as honest with their T as they say they are. But that is just my opinion and could be wrong."

I am honest with my Therapist. However, nothing I say or do will prove that to you because what goes on between my Therapist and I is private. Beyond that, I also don't think that I have to prove anything to you. You can either believe me or not.

So, I hope I've been able to clarify some things for you regarding my view about this subject. I appreciate the civil discussion and hopefully others who are upset about people not being honest with their T's will clarify some things for you, too.

Best,
Rachel

 

[tude]

Wow, this makes me want to open-up and honestly share...:rofl:...and have a group hug later? (Did I mention how uncomfortable it is for me to be touched as well?)

Sleep-deprived and slap-happy, tude