She Cat, I couldn't agree with your post above more, and I'm sorry to hear of your experiences.
Don't get me wrong I think this thread is fantastic - we need more like this - challenging our behaviours & perceptions.
I also think that you & Grama Herc speak my preferred language: common sense.
It just seemed, and perhaps my warped perception only, that a question was asked - Why don't people tell their therapist everything? and people were genuinely posting back their responses. Responses like; I feel shame so don't tell, The fear overwhelms so I don't tell or It takes time for me to trust someone before I will tell.
People were answering the question, and then it seemed like they weren't being listened to, that it was still being met with "but your therapist is there to help you why won't you tell".
But obviously you do get it, because you've just said you had similiar experience at one time, but basically hit rock bottom and then had to haul arse out of it. Good for you.
My point was that we are all at different stages, and some aspects affect us more. I don't have agrophobia, but if I was to post the question "Why won't you leave the house" there is a difference between geninuely wanting to know and maybe imparting some of my experience as opposed to responding with something like "Well I don't get it I can leave the house. Leaving the house is good for you, just push yourself". That was all.
No particular individual was pissing me off, but the way the thread was going was because I thought we were missing some good opportunities to explore.
But I particularly agree with your victim comment. I never thought of myself as a victim, actually hate the word. But some of my behaviour in holding back in therapy, well it was behaviour of a victim. Saying I can't do it, it's too difficult for me - is like a learned helplessness. A shrug of the shoulder oh well, I can't do it was classic victim talk. I had to push myself, declare I'm going to empower myself not act like a victim and dig into the reasons why - like fear, shame, the risk that emotion might spill out.
If someone is not telling all to their therapist because of shame - then from my experience I would tell them tell this to your therapist. I did. I said I have stuff to say but I can't because I feel ashamed. Rather then saying nothing at all. She then knew I had something to say and we worked solely on the feeling of shame. We used writing, drawing, some empty chair technique etc.
If it takes time to trust - how much time? 4 sessions, 14, 44 ??? What is reasonable and when does it become an excuse? Why aren't you trusting yet? Have you told your therapist you don't trust him/her? That you have trust issues? It could be that your therapist runs 10 minutes late regularly which is why you don't trust them. It's worth digging for.
Anyway I'm rambling my point was; if you are not disclosing all to your therapist because of x, y or z, then you don't necessarily have to wait for x, y or z to magically be resolved or go straight to the issue. You can start by telling your therapist I want to tell you something but can't because of x, y or z. The therapist will the work on the x y or z breaking down those barriers to get to the something.
Don't get me wrong I think this thread is fantastic - we need more like this - challenging our behaviours & perceptions.
I also think that you & Grama Herc speak my preferred language: common sense.
It just seemed, and perhaps my warped perception only, that a question was asked - Why don't people tell their therapist everything? and people were genuinely posting back their responses. Responses like; I feel shame so don't tell, The fear overwhelms so I don't tell or It takes time for me to trust someone before I will tell.
People were answering the question, and then it seemed like they weren't being listened to, that it was still being met with "but your therapist is there to help you why won't you tell".
But obviously you do get it, because you've just said you had similiar experience at one time, but basically hit rock bottom and then had to haul arse out of it. Good for you.
My point was that we are all at different stages, and some aspects affect us more. I don't have agrophobia, but if I was to post the question "Why won't you leave the house" there is a difference between geninuely wanting to know and maybe imparting some of my experience as opposed to responding with something like "Well I don't get it I can leave the house. Leaving the house is good for you, just push yourself". That was all.
No particular individual was pissing me off, but the way the thread was going was because I thought we were missing some good opportunities to explore.
But I particularly agree with your victim comment. I never thought of myself as a victim, actually hate the word. But some of my behaviour in holding back in therapy, well it was behaviour of a victim. Saying I can't do it, it's too difficult for me - is like a learned helplessness. A shrug of the shoulder oh well, I can't do it was classic victim talk. I had to push myself, declare I'm going to empower myself not act like a victim and dig into the reasons why - like fear, shame, the risk that emotion might spill out.
If someone is not telling all to their therapist because of shame - then from my experience I would tell them tell this to your therapist. I did. I said I have stuff to say but I can't because I feel ashamed. Rather then saying nothing at all. She then knew I had something to say and we worked solely on the feeling of shame. We used writing, drawing, some empty chair technique etc.
If it takes time to trust - how much time? 4 sessions, 14, 44 ??? What is reasonable and when does it become an excuse? Why aren't you trusting yet? Have you told your therapist you don't trust him/her? That you have trust issues? It could be that your therapist runs 10 minutes late regularly which is why you don't trust them. It's worth digging for.
Anyway I'm rambling my point was; if you are not disclosing all to your therapist because of x, y or z, then you don't necessarily have to wait for x, y or z to magically be resolved or go straight to the issue. You can start by telling your therapist I want to tell you something but can't because of x, y or z. The therapist will the work on the x y or z breaking down those barriers to get to the something.
