Relationship Trying To Hang On And Be Strong

[love_a_marine]

Ok so starting off I have to say I am so relieved to find this site. I have been dating my sufferer for 6 months now. The first 3.5 month were amazing like cloud 9!! I was the happiest I have ever been in my life. Then he got sent away for work for a whole month. For a new relationship this was super tough already. We talked everyday and skyped. About 3 days before he came home he started to become distant. Now he told me about the ptsd when we first met and I was fine with it. I have my own issues so I thought if we can be honest we'd be fine. Anywhoo when he came back I was so excited so happy to have him back we had gotten real close on a non physical level while he was gone.

I pick him up from the airport and he's quiet and super unexcited.Quiet the whole way home and when we got back I was excited to just snuggle up to him he then decided it at 11pm was the perfect time to run to the store for groceries and a pillow and what ever else little things he needed. Mind you I picked up product and groceries for him before I picked him up. I being the person I am took it personal and asked about it. He said he was just tired and he's sorry it didn't turn out the way I imagined it in my head. (ouch) I not at all used to him being and kind of cold. He was always super affectionate and said all the right things. So I reacted badly and he and I had our first fight.

Since he's been back 2.5 months things have progressively gotten worse. He is no longer affectionate at all. I have been trying to not take things personal. He has told me it's not him it's ptsd and he's in a dark period. Previously he has made plans for months ahead and now he won't even make plans for the week we're in. I am having a hard time adjusting to this non-affectionate person when he was always super affectionate and loving. He promises me he's not pushing me away and he needs time but sometimes when I hug him tenses and he keeps telling me this is what happens with ptsd. He still contacts me on the daily and see him weekly but it's almost like he's forcing it to not make me feel sad and it's not something he wants. He's not really with me when he's with me. I guess this feels good just to be able to vent. I care for him very deeply and when it's good it's so good!!!! I just need to know does it get better? I don't know how long I can go on with the distance and feeling so alone. I know he's a great guy and I don't know how to help him.

 

[kacee129]

I don't consider myself to know the "right" answers because I have been struggling with a ptsd relationship for a year now. We were high school sweethearts and the VietNam war got in the way. We drifted apart but last year we reconnected. And like you in the beginning it was as good as could ge. Then the ptsd became a third part of our relationship and it has changed everything. From my experience I guess the first question I would have would be is he getting treatment for his ptsd?

My boyfriend (I always feel silly using that word since we are both 64 LOL) emphatically refuses to even try to get treatment. He says he won't take meds, won't go to group, and probably would not keep any appointments....and I now believe him. So after a year of me trying to be understanding and support him, I finally decided that this is not the way I want to live. I don't like walking on eggshells, I don't like that he doesn't do anything with me - other than go to the corner bar....beer is his crutch, I don't like his angry outbursts. And although I know that it is not the case, my heart feels as if I am not important enough to him that he won't make the effort to seek out help. So, the only thing I could and did do was tell him it was over. He would have to move out. That was in October and he keeps procrastinating but I keep on him and I think it finally sunk in that I am serious.

He has been looking for an apartment he can afford and last week he did tell his daughter he was moving back to Vegas. Am I sad? Yes I am. But at the same time I am relieved. It is not easy living with someone who suffers from ptsd as you can see from all the posts on this site. However, in my opinion It is do-able if they are getting treatment, but I honestly believe impossible if they are not. The only advice I can give you is read all the posts on this site. Understand what you will be getting into if you stay with this person. And then decide if it is the life you want. Good luck.

 

[love_a_marine]

Thank you for your response.. He has sought treatment in the past and has in the past 2 years taken him self off of medication he said he doesn't like feeling like a zombie.. When we got together he could sleep and he said he owed it to me he couldn't sleep without sleeping pills and sometimes those didn't work. His method of help right now is staying healthy. When we got together he was super active and since we've been together not so much so I'm thinking with him not having that outlet of stress release and making himself tired he triggered his symptoms again. Along with his long trip far away. He is a man of habit so I think that as well triggered it. Lately I've just been giving him his own space and he's been coming back to me slowly but surely.