S
sunnydayz
Hello all and thank you for letting me be a part of this community.
Recently, my husband told me he thought I had PTSD. I was curious, so I did some research and I did have a lot of the symptoms. So, I made an appointment with a psychologist. I saw her last week and she agreed that I could have it. I was supossed to see her again today, but I had to reschedule due to work conflicts. I really could user her today.
I really do not know how much I should indulge in my very first post, as well as an introduction, but I might as well go big or go home.
For about 2 years, while my husband was on Ambien, he raped and sodomized me. It was very hard to deal with and hard to speak up about it. A few times, I would say something to him about it, but it was while he was in an Ambien daze. At the begining of 2013, I decided to start pulling myself away from him emotionally. I ended up finding comfort and understanding in another man. It did get a little sexual, but not much. That September, my husband caught me and I "blew up" on him because of what he did to me. He thought about it and said he could remember a couple of times that I was crying or I punched him. When in fact, it happened numerous times, not just a couple. Soon after that, I did some research and found a bunch of horrifying stories about Ambien. He instantly quit taking it.
Now fast forward 4 months. While our communication has gotten much better, I am having such a hard time dealing with things. I am having trouble completely cutting off communication with this other man. I finally did, because I really want to try to make this marriage work. But, I am having diffuclty convincing my soul to do that. I have noticed that I cannot stand his touch. He really is trying so hard and I think too much. I am just not sexually into him anymore. I hate feeling this way because I used to be so in love with this man.
Before my first appointment, I told him how I am feeling. He understood and said he would work on it. Well, he still is all over me, tries to pressure me into sex and when I don't want to or don't respond to his touch, he makes me feel bad about it. Last night I gave in because he was wearing me thin with his daily pressure. I cried and it took my back to the way I felt 2 years ago. Please note that these feelings of not wanting to be with him sexually only got strong over the last few months.
Anyway, there is the short end of my story. I have found with time and actually talking about what happened to me, it helps, a little.
Recently, my husband told me he thought I had PTSD. I was curious, so I did some research and I did have a lot of the symptoms. So, I made an appointment with a psychologist. I saw her last week and she agreed that I could have it. I was supossed to see her again today, but I had to reschedule due to work conflicts. I really could user her today.
I really do not know how much I should indulge in my very first post, as well as an introduction, but I might as well go big or go home.
For about 2 years, while my husband was on Ambien, he raped and sodomized me. It was very hard to deal with and hard to speak up about it. A few times, I would say something to him about it, but it was while he was in an Ambien daze. At the begining of 2013, I decided to start pulling myself away from him emotionally. I ended up finding comfort and understanding in another man. It did get a little sexual, but not much. That September, my husband caught me and I "blew up" on him because of what he did to me. He thought about it and said he could remember a couple of times that I was crying or I punched him. When in fact, it happened numerous times, not just a couple. Soon after that, I did some research and found a bunch of horrifying stories about Ambien. He instantly quit taking it.
Now fast forward 4 months. While our communication has gotten much better, I am having such a hard time dealing with things. I am having trouble completely cutting off communication with this other man. I finally did, because I really want to try to make this marriage work. But, I am having diffuclty convincing my soul to do that. I have noticed that I cannot stand his touch. He really is trying so hard and I think too much. I am just not sexually into him anymore. I hate feeling this way because I used to be so in love with this man.
Before my first appointment, I told him how I am feeling. He understood and said he would work on it. Well, he still is all over me, tries to pressure me into sex and when I don't want to or don't respond to his touch, he makes me feel bad about it. Last night I gave in because he was wearing me thin with his daily pressure. I cried and it took my back to the way I felt 2 years ago. Please note that these feelings of not wanting to be with him sexually only got strong over the last few months.
Anyway, there is the short end of my story. I have found with time and actually talking about what happened to me, it helps, a little.
