Trying To Live With Childhood Abuse

[Farine]

WOW.. if you go and read from the front of the discussion to here, you should try it. You'll see your growth. It's a good thing.

I agree that friends are the new family. Honestly, when you get married, you and your partner make a promise and from that vow of committment and support, a new family begins. That's the definition of a family. That's also the reason why you can legitimately take a step back from your brother who is unable to keep that committment. It may be that you trust God to bring other people into your brother's life to be the family that he needs.

Is it possible to stay with another friend's family for the summer? I don't think it's a good idea to be triggered all summer long and then go back to the University without being refreshed. WIth his tendencies, how could you relax? I did it. I stayed with a good family friend when my parents moved away from me 3 hours north. I had no interest in being in that community. Everyone was cool with it. Good luck!

 

[QuaeroLibertatem]

Yeah, I guess I have changed some since I started this thread. Then again, I've changed quite drastically over the past several years, so I should be pretty used to it now. :P

Anyways, thanks for the advice. That's a good way of looking at everything. You can't choose the family you're born with, but you can certainly choose the one you spend your life with. Unfortunately, I feel that I do have to go back and live with them for the summer. It would be a lot different if I didn't have three impressionable younger siblings who need me in their life. I can't leave them. Instead, I've decided that when I get back (which is actually next week), I will talk to my dad about seeing a therapist over the summer. This is going to be a really hard conversation to have, but I feel like it's something I need to do. That way, I can learn how to healthily cope with my brother for the time being, and see if I can work things out more before I go back to school in the fall. I hope it turns out okay.

 

[Farine]

QL,

I do have one more thought that might help. Whenever things are hard for me, I go out. OUtside I am my own person. Outside, I own my own space. Even if it's in a park sitting down under a tree, I learned that I can pack in drinks and a good book. Access to a bathroom and a cell phone almost makes a shady spot a potential living space. Your younger siblings could benefit from outings like that. If it's hot this summer, you can always go earlier in the day when it's cooler. I also found that public transportation with a trip to the mall was simliar to the park. We hung out on the sofas and seating areas for a few hours in the air conditioning.

I too, hope it turns out ok.

 

[QuaeroLibertatem]

I've been pretty busy for the last few months, finding a job and settling back into my old life. Now that I'm back, I've realized that dealing with my brother has been easier than ever. It's like I built him up in my mind to be some sort of unconquerable monster, and now I finally realized that he's just a person. He has his faults and weaknesses like everyone else. And I don't feel afraid anymore, like I can take anything he may throw at me. I've even opened up more to my family. I had a difficult talk with my dad about things that happened, and he's backing me completely about seeing a psychologist. That's quite a relief. I have an appointment booked and everything. My mom on the other hand, I'm still considering whether I should talk to her about it or not. I was able to talk to my brother about it though, so that's a good start. He was even surprised at how much I stand up to him now, and how much I've changed. It feels great to finally be at this stage in my recovery, and I hope that professional therapy will help me even more.

 

[Julesverne]

Excellent, you are on your way!

Now is the best time ever because delaying things could make them worse in the long run.

Remember, we are here for you when you need us.