Hi.
I'm new. I came across this forum by accident a few weeks ago. And kept it handy to look at when I'm in panic attack mode. Reading other people's posts help me focus on positive things, like that I'm not alone even though I always think there is no one in the world who could understand, when I come here I feel like a weight lifts off my shoulders and start to feel that I'm not crazy.
Anyway, about me... I never remembered my childhood and didn't really think that was a big deal. And then at age 29, the flashbacks began. Over the last 3 years I have been experiencing flashbacks frequently, and am starting to deal with what I have found out. I was sexually abused by my grandfather, my father and my uncle from the time I was born to age 9 (when I started having memories)
So, my grandpa died 10 years ago, and I cut off all contact from my family a year ago, while I try to figure out what happened. It's like putting a puzzle together, I only get little bits of information at a time and later place them into the context of what I know.
This may sound creepy, but for months when laying in bed, I would get the feeling that my legs were being restricted. I would lay there and move my legs around for hours, just because I 'had to'. But after some more flashbacks I know where it comes from - I remember my grandpa tying / holding my legs down before he did bad stuff to me.
Just trying to find a way to peacefully coexist with all these horrible flashbacks that come up. I wish I could just turn them off (especially at work) and live my life like I had been - blissfully ignorant.
Thank you for listening.
<added blank line between paragraphs - cherryblossom>
I'm new. I came across this forum by accident a few weeks ago. And kept it handy to look at when I'm in panic attack mode. Reading other people's posts help me focus on positive things, like that I'm not alone even though I always think there is no one in the world who could understand, when I come here I feel like a weight lifts off my shoulders and start to feel that I'm not crazy.
Anyway, about me... I never remembered my childhood and didn't really think that was a big deal. And then at age 29, the flashbacks began. Over the last 3 years I have been experiencing flashbacks frequently, and am starting to deal with what I have found out. I was sexually abused by my grandfather, my father and my uncle from the time I was born to age 9 (when I started having memories)
So, my grandpa died 10 years ago, and I cut off all contact from my family a year ago, while I try to figure out what happened. It's like putting a puzzle together, I only get little bits of information at a time and later place them into the context of what I know.
This may sound creepy, but for months when laying in bed, I would get the feeling that my legs were being restricted. I would lay there and move my legs around for hours, just because I 'had to'. But after some more flashbacks I know where it comes from - I remember my grandpa tying / holding my legs down before he did bad stuff to me.
Just trying to find a way to peacefully coexist with all these horrible flashbacks that come up. I wish I could just turn them off (especially at work) and live my life like I had been - blissfully ignorant.
Thank you for listening.
<added blank line between paragraphs - cherryblossom>
