Hello people! Thank you to the creators of this forum. My name is Ian I'm living over here in southern California. I will be 21 this Sunday, yeeya. I wish I found this site earlier I'm at a good spot now. But I'm never really in a good spot because I'm actually just blocking out what I saw and pretending it never happened. When I was 1 my mom died of cancer so it was just my dad sister and I. When I was 7 My dad and I drove to Mexico December 23 1995 just to get food and visit the sights on the way back on the (no speed limit)highway my dad starting talking about how great and amazing and beautiful my mother was and she is in heaven looking down and she loves us. And then we crashed into the back of a flatbed tow truck the window shattered I screamed while the truck tires screeched for about a hundred feet I turned to look at what used to be my dad. No need to describe what happened when he hit his jaw and throat on a steering wheel without a seat belt. Its the worst thing. It still scares me. I was trapped inside until the driver of the tow truck yanked open my door and pulled me out. And that one image of looking over is stuck in my head and has been. I can't look at pictures of my mom or dad without seeing that image any good memory I have goes somehow leads back to that image.
So I stopped thinking about my parents. Which is probably not healthy. I moved in with my aunt and uncle and they pretended like it never happened and never brought it up. Or put me in therapy. My uncle liked his beer and my aunt liked her vodka. I don't think I ever had 1 meaningful conversation with them that made me shy and very fearful of them but they don't get hints. It was okay until I was 10 and realized what was happening. My sister was always staying with friends and I had to raise myself. So I would go to school put my hood on not talk to anyone come home and sit in my room and listen the radio and draw. When I turned 16 I would drive away and smoke weed all the time, I smoke occasionally when I can't handle my anxiety but its better now. They kicked me out when I was 18 because I didn't keep my room clean. I came home and my carpet was torn out and my closet was torn out. And all my stuff was outside in a trailer in the driveway. We still talk though.
But it was the best thing that happened to me. No more pressure. I'm not shy anymore. I found a good girl that helped me through stuff and is the first person that ever really talked to me and actually diagnosed me via wikipedia and I have good friends. But this all some how made me want to help everyone. I get along with everyone I know, and make people laugh easily.
I still want to confront my aunt and uncle for dropping the ball big time,. But how?
I'm just putting it all out there. I've never been to therapy (can't afford). Hopefully you guys have some advice. And hopefully I could help someone on here.. Keep on rocking people
So I stopped thinking about my parents. Which is probably not healthy. I moved in with my aunt and uncle and they pretended like it never happened and never brought it up. Or put me in therapy. My uncle liked his beer and my aunt liked her vodka. I don't think I ever had 1 meaningful conversation with them that made me shy and very fearful of them but they don't get hints. It was okay until I was 10 and realized what was happening. My sister was always staying with friends and I had to raise myself. So I would go to school put my hood on not talk to anyone come home and sit in my room and listen the radio and draw. When I turned 16 I would drive away and smoke weed all the time, I smoke occasionally when I can't handle my anxiety but its better now. They kicked me out when I was 18 because I didn't keep my room clean. I came home and my carpet was torn out and my closet was torn out. And all my stuff was outside in a trailer in the driveway. We still talk though.
But it was the best thing that happened to me. No more pressure. I'm not shy anymore. I found a good girl that helped me through stuff and is the first person that ever really talked to me and actually diagnosed me via wikipedia and I have good friends. But this all some how made me want to help everyone. I get along with everyone I know, and make people laugh easily.
I still want to confront my aunt and uncle for dropping the ball big time,. But how?
I'm just putting it all out there. I've never been to therapy (can't afford). Hopefully you guys have some advice. And hopefully I could help someone on here.. Keep on rocking people
