Trying To Understand PTSD - Question For Sufferers

[sisu]

Hello,
I am trying to understand ptsd. I have a boyfriend (who has shut me out for now) who suffers with ptsd from military service. We met last May and for 8 beautiful months I saw no signs of his ptsd. He did tell me that he had it, but at the time I didn't really know what it was. I have since learned a lot ~ and I mean a lot. The one thing that I am still trying to understand is how for 8 months he had no symptoms. Then all of a sudden at the end of January he crashed into a complete ptsd crisis. Is ptsd cyclical? Does it come and go?

Anything would help.

Thank you for sharing with me ~ you have no idea how much I appreciate it.

Sisu

 

[hjpalm]

Something triggered it. Could be the time of year, something that happened at that ime in the past. Or something he saw that set up a mental spiral. Or he was maintaining till he just couldn't do it anymore. Eventually it catches up with all of us. We push it back repeatedly, until it just won't stay gone. Is he receiving counseling?

 

[sisu]

The VA mostly gives meds. A little counseling...but its mostly to re-up the script for meds. I know that he needs more counseling. I have asked him about some of the types that I have read about on this forum and he has never heard of them. He has off and on joined group therapy for anger or other issues. He just really needs intense one on one therapy and he will be helped greatly. Maybe he just needs to hit bottom and then get the help. He is working and doing fine at work. He just keeps to himself and is not allowing anyone in. He is in a self protect mode right now and has been for almost 2 months. He says that is the longest time its ever lasted.

Sisu

 

[2tired2deal]

Hi Sisu
I can't speak to your boyfriend's condition because everyone handles their trauma in a different way; everyone has a different trauma. PTSD is not something that necessarily goes away after a certain time, although with the right kind of counselor / therapy approach one can certainly develop coping strategies that work more effectively.

Try to understand that until your boyfriend fully accepts/understands his own disorder, like many, he may be in partial denial that it's affecting him at all. A Dr. tells you you have a 'disorder' and throws some pills at you. If the education isn't there, if the flashbacks or emotions are confusing to you, then part of the disorder is the fact that you can't believe it can be as debilitating as it turns out to be. That's my experience.

I have lived with it for over 25 years. I don't see myself as 'suffering' from it as I do just learning how to live with it, and grapple with it, and learn from it, every day. I'm still learning how it affects my interactions with every person I contact; every day I see something new in how my emotions change with simple comments made by innocent strangers who have NO idea I live with PTSD.

If you truly love your boyfriend and are committed, I commend you for looking here to understand; there are books for partners of PTSD survivors you can find in most psychology sections of the larger bookstores, maybe you could check that out for more information.
Good Luck.

 

[Cecilia]

Personally, I have gone several months feeling really good and then BAM! something happens. Sometimes I know the source and other times I do not know what happened.

Then I have to climb back up. It is quite frustrating for my husband. He notices when I am heading down hill before I even know it.

 

[linasmom]

Hi Sisu,

For me, my symptoms cycle. I have gone months without any "noticeable" symptoms and then they will start to reappear again. However, my depression has never gone away but I've had it for so long that people just take my melancholy personality as just that - part of my personality.

Also, a lot of people with PTSD internalize things and then explode - I tend to do this. So, while your boyfriend may not have shown outward signs in your presence, you never know what was going on internally.

Best,
Rachel

 

[Deleted member 541]

I agree with everything that has been stated. It could be a trigger that caused it, build up of just plain old stress, or like Rachel said. Anything can cause PTSD to rear it's ugly head. Figuring out what and why will help him to deal with it better.

Therapy should be a must, and medication if needed.(or wanted) PTSD has no boundaries, and doesn't play by normal rules. It has it's own set of rules and they can change at any given time.

Also remember it is a serious condition NOT to be taken lightly.......

 

[morgan]

I don't understand. What VA could he possibly be going to that doesn't offer therapy? In my experience with the VA (which is quite extensive) they offer both individual and group therapy for PTSD specifically... especially for men. As a matter of fact there is a National Center for PTSD in Palo Alto, CA. I know cause I spent 90 days of my life in that program. Perhaps he can get a referral from his Psych Dr. There are options for him. He just needs to be willing to explore them. That is key.

On a more personal note: I am about to do my first EMDR session through the VA on Friday. That's a pretty progressive technique from what I understand.

Best wishes, Morgan

 

[Cindy]

1st, I agree with everything stated.

2nd, I think there is some denial going on with his part - but not total

Also, it is a big nut to swallow to accept that the diagnosis is right.

He really should see a psychologist to help get a handle on it. But, we are a tough bunch. Over and over I see the same characteristic of Not seeking help because we 'should' be able to handle it on our own. But until you have the tools it is very difficult to succeed solo. Try to list the things he handles well and the things you see he is having difficulty with. (personal relationships) Ask him if he wants to live that way or does he want to work things out with someone.

Just my two cents.

 

[Grama-Herc]

As someone who did everything she could to "appear" normal I can tell you that hiding this monster from others is extremely exhausting. I finally crashed and burned and I know what you see happening.

The sad part is there really is not much you can do except be patient and be there when he comes out of this downward spiral.

My 83 yo mother has watched me for the past 11 years suffer with this. She has done everything she could to educate herself like you have and I can tell you how she handles my spirals.

She allows me the space to isolate, but checks in to be sure I am OK. She asks if there is anything I need. She does not ask if she can help. She does not ask what is wrong, she knows what is wrong.

I know that my mom is there for me if I need her. That means more to me than anything. Without being pushy or snoopy try some way to let him know you are there for him.

I say these things to help. They are meant in a caring way. I hope I have not come on to strong because I have one more thing to advise you on, and for me, it is a biggie.
Do Not Try To Push Him To Go Places Or Do Things. Pushing is the best way to put him deeper into his shell. Don't say "Oh, come on and go, just for a little while, please"! It just sends him deeper.

I truely hope this helps you. Feel free to private message me if you have any more questions or just need someone to listen

 

[2quilt]

As a Desert Storm veteran with PTSD, I can tell you that either of these scenarios may be at work:
1. The VA has a long list of vets waiting to get into a group therapy, or it is waiting for the people who are in one-on-one therapy to leave before the therapists can take on new patients, and
or

2. Your boyfriend may have told the VA that he is doing alright without therapy and so the VA does not even have him on a waiting list to get in, and therefore only gives him a 10 minute, "how ya doin'?" as they are writing the new script for pills. They don't really care.

When I got therapy at the VA, we could only go for a specific time period, then we were exited and had to go to the back of the line again because there were so many waves of vets and only a small number of therapists. If I had a problem after I was exited and before I got in to a group or individual therapy again, i was told to go to the VA emergency room, but if I went there and I was not suicidal, I would sit in the ER waiting room for 24 hours. They let you rot there. I was sexually assaluted at the VA hospital by an employee, and the ER refused me because they did not consider that a 'life or death' emergency. I personally hate the VA. I use insurance to get my medical care.

 

[sisu]

OMG...everyone's response was so appreciated. All of the different view points make it much more clear (if that is possible with ptsd). Anyway, right now all he is getting is the 10 min every 3 month appts for meds. He was put in the psych ward for a week once and hated it. He was put in against his will because he thought he was being followed and he had just been diagnosed and his meds were not correct. They adjusted his meds but he did tell me that he lied to get out of the ward. They probably would have kept him longer than a week. I think that he fully accepts the diagnosis he was given 4 years ago. The problem is that he also accepts all of the negative things that go along with it and will no even entertain the fact that it doesn't have to be ONLY the bad stuff. He can be "normal" again and have a wonderful fulfilling life with the proper treatment. Almost like he is being self-destructive.

I need to encourage more treatment. Unfortunately I don't know how to do that. He has no currency that I can use for reward. What I mean is...he is more than willing to throw away everything of value in his life. He has written me off, his kids off, his potential future happiness, etc. AARRGGHH!!

Sisu