Trying To Understand Something About My Inner Child

[Springer80]

I can feel his hurt, his confusion, and I know that he is isolating and hiding, I just don't know how to reach him, or help him, so he waits, and I feel helpless in my inability to reach him or save him.

But that is communication. The fact you can feel him I mean. Do you dream? Vividly.
I did this great thing with a T about describing those feelings. If you try and make more contact does he feel harder, tighter, smaller etc. Does he feel like he's made of rock or steel? Or is he super fragile? It was called sensori motor body psychotherapy.

Opening up a dialogue is often not based on some super complex, analytical level full of psychology speak. You are dealing with a child's emotions.


I would keep using the word little over and over again. Little has a lot of meanings.

 

[RussH]

I guess what I am trying to figure out is why do I picture this inner child so young? Would this child's age indicate when the trauma occcured? If not, that is fine, but if it is, then I wonder if something happened that I just don't remember, and that scares me.

 

[Mystery]

@Mystery I have not looked into it, but I will do some research about it.

It has really helped me access what you are asking about your inner child. I rarely do it ever at the moment because I'm in functioning and reaching for goals mode and don't want to destabilize.

I met a couple of New Age healers in the 90's, the guy was a clinical psych as well and his female partner had all sorts of main stream and non mainstream healing qualifications. They put their knowledge together and did men's and women's workshops.

What they both taught was a simple ABC method of accessing your higher self (the bit that's got it's act together and is all knowing) kind of like the ancient wisdom that's in your genes. So they taught you to get in a relaxed state with eyes closed, breathing and relaxing your muscles on the ground. See yourself in a safe, empty room with a wardrobe in it.

You enter the wardrobe, walk through the door in the back of it, closing the front door behind you and walk down an ancient spiral staircase that ends in a platform with a boat jetty, with a small boat that you get in that's going to take you somewhere special. You take in your surroundings and trust the boat gently taking you to another shallow shore. You can use this journey to go to any part of your subconscious, you just go back the way you came.

I also use it to access a long corridor with closed doors lining both sides. Written on each door is one word or subject. I can go in there and look at a subject or I can leave it stored in there forever if I want.

With the wise woman/man one, you get out and the new shore and walk into a field. There is a house in the distance where the wise man lives if your a man, wise woman, if you are female.

The first time you do it is interesting because you don't know who or what you are going to meet. Then if you can set the scene as a part of your subconscious you access it quickly after that and go to the house whenever you have a quesiton. I was able to do that and got heaps of great answers from the wise woman to questions. Also heaps of hugs and holding.

So the reason I told you that, was that one day I went there and had it sprung on me, at the door that me as a child was there with the wise woman. So that was a meeting. Then I sat her down and told her things and comforted her. I'm can go there any time now and I think that it's a healthy thing for me.

Like all inner work, you have to be up for your reactions afterward but if you are already a strong adult survivor, you will have the parts that can do all that subconscious splitting and communicating. I found meeting and leaving my inner child in that beautiful safe place was really good for me. I have gone there at times and sang and played with her outside. When I first met her she was even scared of me and hid behind the wise woman.

 

[Springer80]

Would this child's age indicate when the trauma occcured?

Not necessarily. You see IMO, I think that developmental trauma can be quite a nuanced thing. I wasn't abused at age five but my household was a mess. My father was a morose, volatile presence who gave out absolutely nothing for others. My mother was a put upon wreck who by this time was too traumatised by my father and had to made of steel in order to function.

So although nothing criminal had happened (to me I should add, not my mother), the path was already being laid.

 

[Mystery]

@Mystery I have not looked into it, but I will do some research about it.

That's how I learned to set up an imagery pathway that could always take me to my sub-conscious for answers and where I was able to meet and talk to my inner child. It was done by someone professional though who knew how to create a safe environment and the right kinds of positive images in place to leave your child in a great place when you leave. It's a big deal playing with the subconscious like that but really great for healing if it's done properly.

 

[RussH]

@Mystery thank you for the information.

 

[xena21]

It's such a hard thing to figure out for me too. The inner child seems to map when the brain first functions as a contributor to your psyche. I know my first experience where I felt I was a person but also intruded upon was as a toddler about 3 or 4. I was being abused by my grandfather at an extremely young age. I don't know when it had started. As far as i know it had been going on, but this is when it connected. I recognized the connection of feeling wrong. I knew it felt wrong. I was sad. That's all I remember.

I know it continued extensively from there. My psyche grew. My inner child was different. I learned from that toddler experience what wrong was. I "knew" what wrong was, but as a toddler you can't put words to it. Later you experience more "wrong" things and know that there is bad out there in the world. You connect the things that are wrong with what have happened to you and you know that that's what life is about. You move on as best you can. The inner child stays there at that age where you learned that. As far as I know I was 3 or 4 and then as I got older.

 

[Sammyiam]

Hi,
I just came home from seeing my psychologist, and she said that she was talking to the little girls inside me, she said there is quite a few, I have no idea about them but it really scares me, it makes me very frightened to even think about it. I have no idea how old they are but she says they are very young. I was abused for seven years by my dad's best friend who lived a few doors away from us. Even if she says the word little girl it sends a shiver down my spine and I get a horrible feeling, even sitting here writing the words and saying it in my head I feel that feeling I just carn't stand it in any form it is the most horrible feeling, I have no idea how I'm going to deal with it when I carn't even stand thinking about it and cannot say anything to do with it. So I would have to say I have no idea of their age and don't know if I ever want to find out

 

[digger]

I think it's important to distinguish between having an inner child and talking about child parts or alters in a DID sense. @Sammyiam if your therapist was talking directly to them and you have no awareness of the conversation, then that would suggest you are talking about DID?

So far as the inner child thing goes, the little digger's age is variable.

@RussH I'm a little confused. You are saying that you 'broke' at age 14. Can you explain what you mean by broke? Was your trauma a one off event at that age?

 

[RussH]

@digger My trauma was not a single event, but multiple events over a period of several years. I was the victim of severe emotional, and occassional physical bullying to the point of emotional abuse. It began early in elementary school and continued into middle school.

One day in class, some one did something, a person that generally did not bully me, and it was the straw that broke the camel's back, and I shattered emotionally I completely fell apart; and believe this is when I developed PTSD.

I do not think this inner child I m refering to is DID, but I honestly don't know. I only know that I sense him inside me waiting to be found, to be made safe. Sorry I cannot explain it better than that.

 

[digger]

Sorry, my comment about DID was more general, not directed specifically at your experience, as sometimes threads like this can get confusing I find.

I don't know the American education system, so I'm not sure what age elementary school is but it sounds quite young? You may have broken at 14, but it sounds like you as a child was experiencing this over a much longer period of time, and as such, your inner child feelings could come from anywhere from across that time span.

 

[Sammyiam]

Digger what's the difference between inner child and the ones she says I've got if you don't mind me asking I'm just really confused ?

Hope it's ok to ask on someone else's thread, sorry if I've done wrong.