ButterflyBean
Not Active
Hi everyone,
I have two questions for you. I realize the holidays are a difficult time for most of us. Thanksgiving (US) and my birthday are close together... They signify the beginning of difficult months ahead. To put it simply, my therapist and I are working on getting in touch with my feelings. Like many of you, I wasn't allowed to express emotions during childhood, and my younger self is grieving differently than my adult self (not DID). I have been feeling really sad lately and want to burst into tears. I suspect the strong feelings are coming from my younger self at the moment. I have not been able to release any tears in or outside of therapy in a really long time. I can tell they are really close to the surface and I have come close to crying. My therapist knows I fear her reaction, and I've also said that I feel alone, even though she is with me. My first question is, have you ever walked into your therapist's office and burst into tears? If so, how did he/she react, and how can I break down the wall?
My second issue is about finding a balance between pushing through the pain and knowing when to stop. My therapist and I have talked in detail, but sometimes she misreads my signals, and I am unable to verbally communicate what I actually need. I even have popsicle sticks with words like "stop" on them because I can't write or draw, but I haven't been able to physically present the stick to her. We decided that she would ask me directly if she ever has any question as to whether she is pushing too hard, too fast. I can usually answer yes or questions, but my fear is that I will freeze and be unable to give her an answer. That alone should tell her we need to slow down and/or stop talking about a particular issue, but I also know pushing through the pain is the only way for me to get relief sometimes. My body physically reacts when we need to slow down, but most of the time, it's not on until after my session when I begin to process everything. Any advice on how I can signal her to stop during the session without the having immediate feelings of disappointment and shame afterward? I often feel like I have to tell her what she wants to know because she can't help me unless she does. I have been seeing her for a long time, and we have a solid relationship, but we just started tackling issues like this (some of my trauma just surfaced recently). She has experience with PTSD, and I am of the attitude that the more she knows, the better, especially since my feelings are finally close to the surface.
Thanks for reading! I appreciate your feedback, thoughts, and suggestions. Best wishes for inner-peace and safe healing!
I have two questions for you. I realize the holidays are a difficult time for most of us. Thanksgiving (US) and my birthday are close together... They signify the beginning of difficult months ahead. To put it simply, my therapist and I are working on getting in touch with my feelings. Like many of you, I wasn't allowed to express emotions during childhood, and my younger self is grieving differently than my adult self (not DID). I have been feeling really sad lately and want to burst into tears. I suspect the strong feelings are coming from my younger self at the moment. I have not been able to release any tears in or outside of therapy in a really long time. I can tell they are really close to the surface and I have come close to crying. My therapist knows I fear her reaction, and I've also said that I feel alone, even though she is with me. My first question is, have you ever walked into your therapist's office and burst into tears? If so, how did he/she react, and how can I break down the wall?
My second issue is about finding a balance between pushing through the pain and knowing when to stop. My therapist and I have talked in detail, but sometimes she misreads my signals, and I am unable to verbally communicate what I actually need. I even have popsicle sticks with words like "stop" on them because I can't write or draw, but I haven't been able to physically present the stick to her. We decided that she would ask me directly if she ever has any question as to whether she is pushing too hard, too fast. I can usually answer yes or questions, but my fear is that I will freeze and be unable to give her an answer. That alone should tell her we need to slow down and/or stop talking about a particular issue, but I also know pushing through the pain is the only way for me to get relief sometimes. My body physically reacts when we need to slow down, but most of the time, it's not on until after my session when I begin to process everything. Any advice on how I can signal her to stop during the session without the having immediate feelings of disappointment and shame afterward? I often feel like I have to tell her what she wants to know because she can't help me unless she does. I have been seeing her for a long time, and we have a solid relationship, but we just started tackling issues like this (some of my trauma just surfaced recently). She has experience with PTSD, and I am of the attitude that the more she knows, the better, especially since my feelings are finally close to the surface.
Thanks for reading! I appreciate your feedback, thoughts, and suggestions. Best wishes for inner-peace and safe healing!
