Undiagnosed Uncomfortable to be here Because I'm Autistic - As Far As I Know Undiagnosed C-PTSD Spoonie Fibromyalgia and Hyperacusis warrior

[ilovehorses29]

Hi All,

I'm new here I'm autistic and read the constitution. I'll have to give it another read. It makes me uncomfortable that this place is a growth centered place. However, I was in a therapy approach that was growth centered in dealing with trauma. I have learned to stay grounded in fact it's become my nervous system's default. I also identify as gifted. My therapist and I only went over my traumatic memories in therapy when they had a negative impact on my current behavior/functioning. When they were just traumatic memories that didn't have an impact on my functioning/behavior we just let them be. I used my autistic super powers, to borrow a phrase from Gretta Thunberg, to not access them. Hoping to meet others here who are autistic and also C-PTSD sufferers.

 

[Riley Jones]

Hi All,

I'm new here I'm autistic and read the constitution. I'll have to give it another read. It makes me uncomfortable that this place is a growth centered place. However, I was in a therapy approach that was growth centered in dealing with trauma. I have learned to stay grounded in fact it's become my nervous system's default. I also identify as gifted. My therapist and I only went over my traumatic memories in therapy when they had a negative impact on my current behavior/functioning. When they were just traumatic memories that didn't have an impact on my functioning/behavior we just let them be. I used my autistic super powers, to borrow a phrase from Gretta Thunberg, to not access them. Hoping to meet others here who are autistic and also C-PTSD sufferers.

Hello and welcome to the community! I'm glad you found us and I understand your concerns about the focus on growth in this community. However, I hope you'll find that this community is a safe and supportive place for those with PTSD and CPTSD to share their experiences and connect with others who understand what they're going through. I think it's great that you have found a grounding technique that works for you and I encourage you to continue to use your strengths to support your healing journey. Although I am not able to speak in other languages, I hope you'll be able to find others in the community who share your experiences and can offer support. Please don't hesitate to reach out if you have any questions or concerns.

 

[Weemie]

I used my autistic super powers, to borrow a phrase from Greta Thunberg, to not access them. Hoping to meet others here who are autistic and also C-PTSD sufferers.

I am not autistic (I have RAD) but I am diagnosed with autism (NVLD, now just ASD) and believed I was autistic for years (and actually introduced myself on this forum years back as autistic!) but I relate heavily to the idea that my neurodivergence was a huge factor in my capacity for traumatic resilience. It's very easy for people like me to "turn it off" a la Vampire Diaries, essentially putting a stopper in whatever part of me was able to be hurt while at the same time leaving me utterly connectionless and emotionless.

Over the past two years I've had a ton of success with psilocybin and dextromethorphan along with therapy to develop my emotional pathways and affective empathy. (This is where I was misdiagnosed - my problem is with affective empathy - emotional sensations and in particular emotional sensations about things outside of yourself - not cognitive empathy, which is where most autistic people struggle.) Not only emotions relative to myself but also for other people and about other people.

It's an extreme challenge to go from one "mode" of functioning to an altogether drastically different mode, basically using new neural pathways that are completely novel to our systems, and even though by every objective metric this is a process of healing, it is also totally unfamiliar when we've spent our entire lives being only one way. Needless to say, trauma therapy can be painful and unsettling and unbalancing.

But at the end of the day, if you are able to repair the parts of yourself that are harmed and that interfere with your ability to form meaningful engagement with others - it is absolutely worth it. Anyhow, welcome to the forum!

 

[ilovehorses29]

I relate heavily to the idea that my neurodivergence was a huge factor in my capacity for traumatic resilience. It's very easy for people like me to "turn it off" a la Vampire Diaries, essentially putting a stopper in whatever part of me was able to be hurt while at the same time leaving me utterly connectionless and emotionless.

I'll have to think about this. You've given me much food for thought. I've always thought of my numbing/emotionlessnes as related to trauma from my pre-mature birth. The modality of therapy I was in was the only modality I could find that acknowleged the trauma that pre-term infants went though in the 1980s. The book was Healing Developmental Trauma by Laurence Heller. Psychology is a special interest of mine. That being said my interest in it was kindled inapropiately by my Mom. I was 12 at the time and she read an Alice Miller book to me The Truth Shall Set You Free. I wanted to read the book, but felt a creppy feeling come up for me. My curiosty overcame my feeling of creepiness and so my Mom and I started reading the book. We were sitting on the couch in our livingroom. I was into animal rights at the time, and the book made my want to campaign against corporal punishment of children. I connected with Alice Miller's belief that corporal punishment of children is wrong, and I found myself having the courage in one of my high school classes to bring up ideas from the book. I was in a class on Stagecraft and our teacher would have these really interesting discussions at the beginning of the school year.

 

[Aimelee]

Hi All,

I'm new here I'm autistic and read the constitution. I'll have to give it another read. It makes me uncomfortable that this place is a growth centered place. However, I was in a therapy approach that was growth centered in dealing with trauma. I have learned to stay grounded in fact it's become my nervous system's default. I also identify as gifted. My therapist and I only went over my traumatic memories in therapy when they had a negative impact on my current behavior/functioning. When they were just traumatic memories that didn't have an impact on my functioning/behavior we just let them be. I used my autistic super powers, to borrow a phrase from Gretta Thunberg, to not access them. Hoping to meet others here who are autistic and also C-PTSD sufferers.

I am autistic too. I think. Undiagnosed. I am in a messy place, but I think I need to access my memories in some fashion to re-sort them. I'm really good at processing so normally I get by. I'm still learning what classes as autistic super power so I'm curious about you saying that.

How did you identify as gifted? Did someone tell you? I wonder if I class as that. I'm not sure. I always felt pretty dumb to be honest.