Under the microscope - what have you noticed about yourself that you didn’t know before therapy?

[Mee]

Both my therapists have said I have above average self awareness; that this probably was a help after my childhood in creating a normal ( ish ) life and being pretty well balanced.

I have learned words and the theories for things I recognised (attachment theory for example) and knew coloured my decisions and behaviour.

I believed my self to be pretty balanced in estimation of people. My therapist now feels that rather I am an apologist and that I am Harder on my self than anyone else, that I excuse or justify others’ behaviour far more than my own. This I will be honest I had not noticed to this degree. I was advocating for everyone but me.

We are fairly early early days still. I am surprised at some kindnesses above and beyond her remit in my expectation my Therapist shows me. For example, recently I started hitting lows again and she suggested rathercthan try and deal on my own I text her and she would spend five or ten minutes with me. TBH I am not keen to set that precedent because I need to not rely on her that much, but that she would do that seems incredibly kind to me. Beyond her requirement of her job.

An other thing I have learnt is that my situation is not ‘ not that bad’. I have minimised it and coped and I am learning to be really proud of who I was before my last trauma. that I grew to me the person I was is actually quite something to be happy about and I am lucky that it was so.

That anger is wrongly regarded by society and that my over anger management in early adulthood has made me restricted and less safe. Reactivity not great, genuine anger... healthy! We spend a lot of time trying to find my anger and rage .

My therapist and I have a little joke that I have reasonably unusual requirements from therapy; Be more selfish, think less about other people’s needs and my impact on them, and get angry. .

 

[katz]

I learned how to hide my hurt. I have noticed that the nicer I look, the more I hurt inside. I can also spot another person who is hurting, usually, and decide how I can help them. I can understand a little of what they are feeling. Especially, in children. I have watched my other family members, especially my mom, and I can see that this is not something that she knows how to do. So, I must have taught myself how. I have done it on many family functions, with nieces, and it works very well. Now, if I can just learn to give myself the same therapy.

 

[Freida]

That I have ptsd. Seriously! I went in to learn some coping skills for fibro and came out with a ptsd diagnosis. That I dissociate - a word I had never heard before. That I had a past that was so well buried we are still digging up memories 3 years later.