Unequal Importance In Relationships

[falling_wave]

I am feeling so sad this week. Not much else just sad. I am noticing more and more how much more important the people in my life are to me than I am to them. It's so easy for them to forget me or change our plans if something more important comes up. I'm not upset about it as much as I feel broken and lost. I'm not going to force people to love me but I wish I didn't love them. The thing is I do and I can't stop myself from feeling that way. I am always there for them and eager to see them so when they aren't it feels like a huge dissapointment crushing me and making me realize I have no one in this life but me. It gets tiring to focus on coping skills when I don't even know what I'm coping for. Human connection not superficial but real relationships with people is what makes my life worth living. I just needed to reach out and share that because it's such a burden at this time. Thanks for listening and for being there.

 

[Justmehere]

:hug:s to you if you accept them.

I can relate to some of you have written. I long for human connection more than I want to breathe. For me, it's so hard to actually do it and I'm quite alone, even when I'm there for others.

 

[Changing4Best]

I feel for you, I really do. My family has really let me down too. I fell on bad times financially and they hardly seemed to care, and yet they own big houses, drive fancy cars and even have a hospice care vet as well as a regular vet for their ailing dog! I have realized that the only person who never lets me down and loves me unconditionally is Jesus. When my loved ones let me down, folks at my church came through for me. Today they offered to help pay for my gall bladder surgery when I had no idea how I would be able to come up with the money. I asked for prayer, because I have to have the money to the Dr. before she does the surgery. Now I will have it, I am so thankful!

 

[Friday]

Now... I don't know about the people in your life... But speaking for myself? I cancel (especially when isolating, or dealing with an anxiety attack) & change plans on the people I love best all the time. I still love them, and they're still important to me.

 

[falling_wave]

I cancel (especially when isolating, or dealing with an anxiety attack) & change plans on the people I love best all the time. I still love them, and they're still important to me.

I would understand if they were doing it because they were struggling and couldn't be around other people. They do it because a better plan came up or someone who they would have more fun spending time with asked if they were free. I'm just a constant second choice if a choice at all.

 

[Recovery4Me]

. They do it because a better plan came up or someone who they would have more fun spending time with asked if they were free. I'm just a constant second choice if a choice at all.

Do they say it in these words? Not to discount your feelings :hug: however, this is a little harsh to yourself unless they specifically are this lacking in social graces and blunder as such.

Might you get involved in a group activity during the summer that you would enjoy, where people are already there and new friends to be made? Consider this little ditty that I keep in my toolbox for boundaries, "Never make someone your priority that makes you their constant option."

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I don't have one person in my life who will message me first, text me first, call me first.....I have to initiate everything. Its quite sad. Well, save for my two pen pals....they do contact me first if I disappear for a bit. But otherwise? I'm pretty much.....not important to anybody. Its kind of sad when I think about it. But anymore, I just don't care. I'm putting my focus on other things outside of relationships. Its sad that its come to this, but it is what it is and I just have to accept it. Blah.

 

[Kefira]

I don't have one person in my life who will message me first, text me first, call me first

I absolutely relate. I was on the road for about 14 months. No one from where I'd been living for 6 years even checked to see if I was okay during that time, no one where I was going was looking to connect more before I got there. It was really hard feeling like no one cared at all, especially since I was traveling and changing locations so much, often staying in unsafe places. Unnerving to know you could drop of the face of the earth and no one would even know. And it sort of took that to realize that the people where I'd been HADN'T been keeping the communication open, I had. No wonder all my friendships felt exhausting.

 

[falling_wave]

So sorry others are in the same position but I feel less alone being alone with others. Lol @itsKismet it's just that no one would think of me if I didn't initiate. I feel like there has to be some way out of that but feeling a bit better today for now. Thanks everyone for sharing your experiences. Hopefully we will all find more fulfilling relationships in time.

 

[Glara]

I'm not the one with PTSD but this is the story of my life. My friends have checked out and even my daughter. My sufferer dumped me, maybe because of PTSD, maybe not. He hadn't said much since March, but a month ago he said he wanted to see me and then went silent for 3 weeks. I hear other sufferes longing for connection but then get stressed by it. I wish I knew what to do for mine, if that's why he pushed me away. Anyway I'm just really lonely anyway. So I keep coming here to check in with the only people that understand.

 

[user27357]

sitting here right now, angry as hell because my wife sat in her truck and smoked a cigarette. I paid for the truck, I insure it, keep it up, put the gas in the tank and the tires on the rims I paid for. She won't get out of the seat and walk ten feet before lighting up.

Makes me feel like a scmuck. 3 counselors in a row have told me to leave her.

I don't do that, I keep my promises and stick around and maintain the truck because I care. I pay for the phone she doesn't answer because she forgot it in her purse, out in the truck.

I am angry as hell, but it sounds like I am not the only one. Do we spend all the points we earn in our relationships on just being tolerated and don't have any left over for being respected as people?

I truly do not get it. If someone offered to do the things I do for her for me, I wouldn't let a cigarette within ten yards of my free truck. Out of respect and because the provider earned it. Where does my respect account get spent?

I climbed in the truck with her tonight thinking we were going to go have a dinner out because it is so hot no one felt like cooking. Instead I was met by a stench that ruined my apetite and killed my desire to do anything for her, she spent her respect points on breaking her promise not to smoke in the truck,

Angry as hell and wondering why we get treated like we do. We are sick, not sub human. Screw them.

 

[Tanishq]

I am always there for them and eager to see them so when they aren't it feels like a huge dissapointment crushing me and making me realize I have no one in this life but me.

I can understand this very well because honestly I have been felt this way many many times in my life. I am listening you.

It's worth waiting for meaningful relations. They exist. Hang in there please. I am speaking this from experience, just this year I got some connections which are filled with deep meaning. Now I can say it was worth waiting for or it was worth keep trying to reach out real meaningful and soulful connections.

You are human being, you deserve this all because you chose the good and love part. Sending you a hug, may it comfort you in this tough time. :hug: