Unhappy, Irritable, Doomed.... Call It Whatever You Feel Like.

[Deleted member 1860]

I remember what your degree is in, but I'm honestly not sure what the possibilities are for someone with a masters vs a PhD. I know that in many fields, one with a PhD does indeed have a strong advantage over someone with a master's degree. I don't think that your life is over, not by a long shot! This healing stuff is HARD and I'll admit that I can see you're dealing with a lot right now. I mean you've got the PTSD stuff on your plate, as well as family issues, and now the job stuff as well. I understand why you're so pessimistic, but I'd hate to see you give up as I think you really do have a bright future.

I know its REALLY hard to not compare ourselves to others. Believe me, I've done it a LOT in the past. I put myself down for not having a career when everyone else my age did, for not having a partner when everyone else was getting married, for not having kids, etc.... My dad knows all about my struggles as I would sometimes whine to him about how it wasn't fair that my sister had all of these things (except the kids part), and he would just keep on reminding me that my life was put on a different path from a very young age and that I have struggles to deal with that most other people don't have to worry about. Finally it all started to sink in....I was able to feel more compassion for myself because I do, indeed, have to deal with a lot of other things that others don't. I am finally able to see that my path in life isn't lacking....not in the least. Rather, it is just different.

And to be honest with you......I don't even fret about the not having settled down bit. Why? Ok, I'm in my mid-thirties now, and this is about the age when you start meeting lots and lots and LOTS of people who have gotten out of their first marriage and are single again. I've read articles about how many first marriages last approximately 7-ish years, and I'd say that's pretty accurate based on those I know who are my age and now divorced. So I'm sitting here thinking to myself 'woohoo, I missed all that BS!' No messy divorce that ruins my finances, no crazy ex to deal with, etc. If anything, I know that I'm now in a better place and when I do find someone to share my life with, I'll be able to approach it in a more rational and thought out sort of way. And, rare is the marriage that lasts a lifetime from people who get together when they're still quite young, growing, and don't really know what they want in life.

 

[Chava]

I don't know what your field is, but my friends with Ph.D's found good work after completing their degrees...harder with masters degrees. It probably depends on the field though. And certainly, in many cases, being willing to expand search across a few states or the country. A good friend of mine just moved to the east coast for a great research job (we were both west coast), a perfect fit for him, not something he would have gotten without his Ph.D. He's really happy, but it was a very long time coming and a few years of uncertainty over even finishing his degree.

Anyway, nothing is over, but I do relate to that feeling. I've been having a meltdown for a couple weeks and sometimes it's pretty dark. Hang in there.

 

[J_trustno1]

@Solara: Thanks for being very supportive. I really appreciate your support. You are very right about those messy divorces. I've seen them happening. I don't want to be in a relationship for the sake of it. With the PhD part, I am thinking about giving myself till July and if don't get a job by then, I'm going back to school to do my PhD. I can't let these job rejections take over my life. Thanks for directing me to a right and positive path :hug:s

@Chava: Thanks for replying and giving some good ideas. I have seen some good jobs for the PhDs in research but they also ask for experience. There is no winning with the employers. But I am definitely going for my study.

Thanks to everyone for replying.

 

[Chava]

You can continue to look for the experience as you work on your degree. A couple of my friends took a good while finishing Ph.D's because they were also doing some work as opportunities came up. Or at some point you could possibly do research assistant work as you work on a degree, or some related work. One of my brothers got a lot of his relevant experience within his grad study...or at least his employer saw that research as very interesting. And there's the chance to apply for fellowships, etc. Not every employer needs perfectly matched work experience if the grad study and potential looks like a good fit for their need. Every Ph.D still starts as a newbie somewhere but gets a lot of good opportunities through their study. Besides, if you go for more study you'll have more contacts and connections and resources. There is winning with employers but just not where you've looked yet.