Unsure

[unknown]

This is something that has recently just started with me. I was very up and down, I'm trying very hard to to remember to be positive, allowing space for my negative reactions but not dwelling upon them. Recently though I have struggled a lot, and have found myself wondering if staying alive is a good thing. My mind just suddenly starts wondering off down a hopeless road. Feelings overwhelm me, feelings of despair and hopelessness. I start to think maybe what ever has happened to me should have finished me off - I am unsure really if I am suicidal as such, as there is a part of me that would never consider harming myself, but this part seems to be shrinking at the hand of the depressive. negative me that isn't really finding any 'point' in life. I don't really understand why I get like this, I just know I do.

 

[intothelight]

Hi,

We have all felt this way at various times. The important thing is to recognize it and to have a back-up plan in case you feel things a spiraling down to fast. I don't know if you have a therapist, family member, or close friend you can speak to, but it is important to reach out and stop the spiral.

We all have value, even if we don't see it ourselves. Is that your puppy in the picture?

Wishing you peace.
Debbie

 

[externalsmile]

I often find that when I am that way it is often because I have some strong emotion going on behind the scenes that I am having problems identifying and knowing what is causing the emotion.

Journaling sometimes helps me. I just ramble on and on and eventually I stumble across what is bothering me. The other day I actually went on my ramble here and I struck gold with what was really going on in my head.

I hope that info helps you in some way.

 

[unknown]

Hey thanks for the advise. Yes that is my puppy. He is 4 and half months. Sam. He keeps me going, sounds mad, but many days I don't even give it a second though getting up and out of bed, because I know he needs food and walking. I love him to bits. :)
I do have a counsellor. As for others, not really, only because of my amnesia, I am rebuilding with people, I don't remember who they are. Which is why I get like it in the first place, because I always feel so stuck in a world unknown to me, but I have to 'play' along, pretend to the world around me I am the Kate they know, which is hard, when I don't even know that person.
I will try that smile, just ramble away see if I can find the out of place piece. Ok.

 

[intothelight]

Hi Kate,

I love puppies (except for the chewing), they just lift your spirits.

It is difficult when there is memory loss, and though I did not have complete amnesia, I have huge blocks of time missing from my life. So I can relate to when you say you "play" along. There are many times I just smile and nod at someone who obviously knows me fairly well, but I do not have a clue as to who they are.

Keep reading and posting and you'll find it really does help. Also, keep taking care of your puppy, even when you don't want to take care of yourself. Just moving and doing can really help brighten things a bit.

Take care.
Debbie

 

[Deleted member 6617]

Hi Kate,
Your post struck a cord with me and I just wanted to encourge you to try the journalling and to have some sort of plan in place to stop the spiral. I do both and find them very helpful. Been in that dark place and really don't like it. I have not experienced memory loss though and won't even pretend to understand how hard that must be. Hang in there!
You puppy is adorable....love puppy kisses!

 

[Nighthawk]

Oh the torment of the spiral downward. that deep dark place that tells us that there is no point. When that recording is playing and the world is only evil I try to choose just one thing that I can say is good. Normally it is not strong enough for me to stop the thought in my brain but every day until it does. The warmth of the dogs helps me a lot. Just lookiing at your puppy picture put a smirk on my face. Take care of the baby and I hope you find a way to hold on these waves can get rather high at times.

NH

 

[anni]

I like this thread for a ton of reasons, although the puppy would think he's the most important, of course. It's all so recognizable, what you say Unknown, and so are elements of pretty much all of the replies. I spend an awful lot of time here nodding as I read, but probably more editing before I post, or trying to. There's SO much one wishes to reply about, I get distracted then ( of course ) confused while trying to form an answer which makes sense. I'll just say all of the above, with emphasis on at least please do not be hard on yourself while dealing with 'all this'. You can see you're really, really not alone and sometimes *just* not being so is helpful, too while getting through the tough parts of healing.

And now have to admit to being distracted by you and Deb mentioning not remembering people, since it comforted me. I laugh because it's funny later but GOSH it's frustrating at the time, and until 'later', you know? Yesterday it happened AGAIN where some nice lady had an entire conversation with me in Walmart. I did well,nodding and smiling, asking about her family but I do NOTTTT know who she was. Oh, she knows me, to be sure- she asked all about Dad's failing health and my daughter away at school but she did not even look familiar!